>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

>> Stephen:歡迎回來，各位。

YOU KNOW, I SPEND HOURS TRAINING AND COSTUMING THE MOST TOPICAL

你知道嗎，我花了幾個小時的時間來訓練和裝扮這個主題。

QUEBECOIS NEWS ACROBATS, AND BEJEWELED STORY HARLEQUINS

魁北克新聞ACROBATS和BEJEWELED故事HARLEQUINS。

THAT MAKE UP THE FABULOUS, FEAST-FOR-THE-SENSES "CIRQUE DU

構成了奇妙的、感官享受的 "CIRQUE DU"。

SOLEIL" PERFORMANCE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

"SOLEIL "的表演，這是我的獨白。

BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES IT'S NICE TO JUST ROUND UP SOME

但有時，有時它是好的，只是收集了一些。

AGED-OUT GYMNASTS, SLAP SOME LYCRA BODYSUITS ON THEM, AND

老化的健身房，給他們穿上LYCRA緊身衣，然後...

DRIVE THEM AROUND THE COUNTRY FOR THE RAMSHACKLE HOBO CIRCUS

開車環遊全國，參加RAMSHACKLE HOBO CIRCUS活動。

OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

的新聞，這是我的部門： "QUARANTINE -WHILE！"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, PEOPLE LOVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE ROYAL

QUARANTINE--雖然，人們喜歡任何與皇家有關的事情。

FAMILY, SO THIS PHOTO HAS GONE VIRAL TODAY OF "PRINCE

家庭，所以這張照片已經走紅今天的 "王子"。

WILLIAM PEERING LONGINGLY INTO A LONDON KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN."

威廉在倫敦肯塔基炸雞里長時間地窺視。"

APPARENTLY, HE'S BORED OF ENGLAND'S FAST FOOD CHICKEN

顯然，他厭倦了英國的快餐雞。

CHAIN, "LEFTENANT SAUNDERS' CHESHIRE-BOILED BIRD

CHAIN，"LEFTENANT SAUNDERS'CHESHIRE-BOILED BIRD"。

TASTIES."

味道。"

IT'S DIGIT-SNOGGING SATISFACTORY.

它的數字SNOGGING SATISFACTORY。

OF COURSE, I FEEL KIND OF BAD FOR HIM.

當然，我覺得有點為他難過。

HE SO CLEARLY WANTS TO GO IN, BUT HIS ROYAL STATION PREVENTS

他很清楚地想進去，但他的皇室立場阻止了

IT.

IT：

(AS WILLIAM) "OH, TO BE A LOWLY PLEBEIAN BUT

"哦，是一個低級的PLEBEIAN，但。

FOR A DAY, THAT I MIGHT SAVOR THE ELECTRIC GREEN COLESLAW AND

一天的時間，讓我可以享受到綠色的電風扇和... ...

CREST THE SNOWY PEAKS OF A 32-OUNCE MOUNTAIN DEW!"

攀登32盎司山地露水的雪峰！"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, SPEAKING OF ROYALTY, BRUCE WILLIS HAS

RETURNED AS JOHN MCCLANE IN AN AD FOR "DIE HARD" CAR

在 "DIE HARD "汽車的廣告中重新扮演約翰-麥克蘭。

BATTERIES.

BATTERIES.

THE MOST ON-THE-NOSE USE OF A CLASSIC ACTION MOVIE FOR

經典動作片的最貼切運用

ADVERTISING SINCE "RAMBO: FIRST BUD," AND "JOHN VICKS VAPORUB."

從 "RAMBO： 第一巴德 "和 "約翰・維克斯VAPORUB "開始的廣告。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, AIR NEW -- 72 PEOPLE DIED IN THAT

COMMERCIAL.

商業：

QUALITY KILLS, THOUGH.

品質的殺傷力，但。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, AIR NEW ZEALAND IS OFFERING SOMETHING

THEY CALL A "MYSTERY BREAK," WHERE CUSTOMERS BOOK THEIR

他們稱之為 "神祕之旅"，客戶在這裡預訂他們的。

FLIGHTS AND HOTEL WITHOUT LEARNING OF THE ACTUAL

不瞭解實際情況下的班機和酒店。

DESTINATION UNTIL TWO DAYS BEFORE DEPARTURE.HO

目的地至出發前兩日。

STILL LESS MYSTERIOUS THAN SPIRIT AIRLINES, WHERE YOU KNOW

比起靈異航空，你知道的地方，仍然不那麼神祕。

YOUR DESTINATION, BUT NOT WHAT BODILY FLUID SOILED THE SEAT

你的目的地，但不是座位上的體液。

FROM THE LAST CUSTOMER.

最後一位顧客的留言。

THAT JOKE BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

這個笑話基於一個真實的故事。

I'M SORRY, HONEY, I -- ANYWAY.

我很抱歉，親愛的，我 - 反正。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN AN HISTORICAL DEVELOPMENT FOR THE

CATHOLIC CHURCH, "POPE FRANCIS JUST BECAME THE FIRST POPE TO

天主教會，"弗朗西斯教皇剛剛成為第一位教皇，他的名字是 "天主"。

ENDORSE SAME-SEX CIVIL UNIONS."

贊同同性公民聯盟。"

THANK YOU, YOUR HOLINESS.

謝謝你，陛下。

YOU'VE FINALLY LED THE CHURCH INTO THE FUTURE OF 1997!

你終於把教會帶進了1997年的未來！

SPOILER ALERT: ROSS AND RACHEL EVENTUALLY GET TOGETHER.

羅斯和瑞秋在一起的事件。

IT'S KIND OF CUTE.

它的那種可愛。

FRANKIE MADE THE COMMENTS IN A NEW DOCUMENTARY, IN WHICH HE

弗朗基在新的文件中發表了評論，他在文件中表示

SAYS "HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE IN A FAMILY.

說："同性戀者有權利成為一個家庭。

THEY ARE CHILDREN OF GOD.

他們是上帝的兒女。

YOU CAN'T KICK SOMEONE OUT OF A FAMILY, NOR MAKE THEIR LIFE

你不能把一個人趕出家庭，也不能讓他的生活變得更美好

MISERABLE FOR THIS.W DOCUMENTARY SAYS "HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE HAVE THE

錯誤的為這.W文件說："同性戀者有的。

RIGHT TO BE IN A FAM WHAT WE HAVE TO HAVE IS A CIVIL

在家庭中的權利 我們所要擁有的是公民的權利。

UNION LAW; THAT WAY THEY ARE LEGALLY COVERED."

工會法；這樣他們就被合法地覆蓋了。"

HE'S RIGHT.

他是對的。

THE ONLY WAY GAY PEOPLE SHOULD BE MADE MISERABLE IS THEIR

唯一應該讓同性戀者變得不幸的方法是他們的。

STRAIGHT FRIENDS DRINKING TOO MUCH AND INSISTING ON TELLING

正直的朋友喝多了，還非要告訴你。

THEM ABOUT THAT ONE TIME IN COLLEGE.

他們關於那一次在大學裡。

( LAUGHTER ) TWO TIMES.

（笑）兩次。

NOW, AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE, THE POPE REVERSING COURSE ON GAY

現在，正如你所想象的，教皇改變了對同志的態度。

CIVIL UNIONS HAS RUFFLED A FEW FEATHERS IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH,

民間聯盟在天主教教會中掀起了一些教友的風波。

YES, AND SOME OF THE CLERGY WORE FEATHERS.

是的，有些教友還穿了長袍。

SUCH AS A DIRECTOR FOR THE NEW YORK ARCHDIOCESE, WHO SAID THAT

如紐約大主教區的主任，誰說過，

THE POPE "HAD MADE A SERIOUS MISTAKE."

教皇 "犯了一個嚴重的錯誤。"

UM, PERHAPS THE ARCHDIOCESE HAS FORGOTTEN THAT WE CATHOLICS HAVE

嗯，也許是教會忘記了我們天主教徒有... ...

THIS LITTLE THING CALLED "PAPAL INFALLIBILITY."

這個小東西叫做 "教皇的不可侵犯性"

IF YOU'RE NOT INTO THAT, YOU JOINED THE WRONG CLUB.

如果你不喜歡這樣，你就進了錯誤的俱樂部。

THAT'S LIKE JOINING THE ROCKETTES AND SAYING "I'LL DO

這就像加入火箭隊，說 "我會做的"。

THIS, BUT I'M NOT INTO SEQUINS OR KICKING.

這一點，但我不是在亮片或踢。

MIGHT PULL A HAMMY."

可能會拉一個漢米。"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO SMELL LIKE SIR ANTHONY

誇倫汀--現在是你聞到安東爵士味道的時候了。

HOPKINS WITH THE NEW "ANTHONY HOPKINS EAU DE PARFUM."

HOPKINS與新的 "ANTHONY HOPKINS EAU DE PARFUM"。

AND WHAT DOES IT SMELL LIKE, SIR ANTHONY?

那它聞起來像什麼，安東尼先生？

>> FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI.

>> FAVA豆和一個漂亮的CHIANTI。

( RAPIDLY SUCKING IN AIR ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A

（快速吸氣） 我們將很快回來與一個。

PERFORMANCE BY MATT BERNINGER.

表演由MATT BERNINGER。