I just gotta tell you.

我只是想告訴你

Never in a million years did I imagine I'd be on a date with

我從來沒有在一百萬年內想象我會在約會與

the theater critic with the New York Times.

紐約時報的戲劇評論家。

-David, this is our third date.

-大衛，這是我們第三次約會

At some point, you don't have to keep making reference to

在某些時候，你不需要不斷地提到

the fact that I'm a theater critic for the New York Times.

事實上，我&#39；紐約時報的戲劇評論家。

-I'm so sorry.

-我很抱歉

I--

I--

I don't even get to the third date that

我甚至沒有得到第三個日期，

often, and I get nervous.

經常，我就會緊張。

I mean, especially with a theater critic with the New

我的意思是，特別是與一個戲劇評論家與新的。

York Times.

紐約時報。

Do you want to come in?

你想進來嗎？

-Yeah.

-是的

I mean, otherwise, you'd have to drive me home.

我的意思是，否則，你'不得不開車送我回家。

-OK, it's just down here.

-好吧，它只是在這裡。

(NERVOUSLY) Walking is just a funny thing to do, right?

走路只是一件有趣的事情，對吧？

This is my hallway.

這是我的走廊。

It's not my hallway.

這不是我的走廊。

It's the building's hallway.

這是大樓的走廊。

-David, relax.

-大衛，放鬆

You don't have to keep trying so hard to impress me.

你不必一直這麼努力地想打動我。

You know?

你知道嗎？

I'm impressed.

我'印象深刻。

-Oh, yeah?

-哦，是嗎？

Well, then, what are you gonna do about it?

那麼，你打算怎麼做？

-I don't know.

-我不知道

What do you want me to do about it?

你想讓我怎麼做？

You don't know?

你不知道？

-Maybe we just have to, like, think of something to do.

-也許我們只需要，比如，想點什麼辦法

-Yeah, we should try to put our heads together and think

-是的，我們應該試著把我們的腦袋放在一起思考一下

of something--

的東西 --

-Maybe something will--

-也許有些東西會...

-To do.

-要做。

-Come up.

-上來吧

-Finally!

-最後！

Guru chicken.

古魯雞。

Oh, I'm sorry.

哦，我很抱歉。

I thought you were the dude delivering the chicken.

我還以為你是那個送雞的人呢。

Chez.

在：

This is my neighbor.

這是我的鄰居。

This is Kelly.

我是凱莉

-Hey.

-嘿

-Hey, since when do hot girls named Kelly deliver chicken?

-嘿，從什麼時候開始，叫Kelly的辣妹子開始送雞了？

-I'm with David.

-我和大衛在一起

-Oh, ho, ho.

-哦，嗬，嗬。

OK, way to go, Wain-o.

好了，該走了，Wain -o。

Well, hey, I'm gonna have to apologize to Ed McMahon for

好吧，嘿，我得向艾德-麥克馬洪道歉了

this one, but here's Johnny.

這一個，但這裡的約翰尼。

-OK.

-好的

That was to say that, uh, I get a boner when I look at

這是說，呃，我得到了一個小弟弟，當我看到

Kelly.

凱利

-Hey, close the deal, Wain-o.

-嘿，完成交易，Wain -o.

-Who was that cheeseball?

-誰是那個芝士球？

He looks familiar to me.

我覺得他很眼熟

-That's Chez Retner.

-那是在Retner的店裡

He was on that show Night Guard.

他在那個節目《夜警》中。

-Ew, he was one of the worst actors I've ever seen.

-他是我見過的最差的演員之一。

-Yeah.

-是的

I wouldn't be caught dead having sex with someone like

我不會被抓到死了 與人做愛，像

Chez.

在：

-That's good to know.

-很高興知道這個消息

-Hey, do you have any photo albums?

-嘿，你有什麼相冊嗎？

I want to see what you looked like in high school.

我想看看你高中時的樣子。

You know, before you put on all the weight.

你知道，在你發胖之前。

-Uh, yeah.

-嗯，是的。

I mean, I do, but it would take me a few

我的意思是，我做的，但它將需要我幾個。

minutes to find them.

分鐘就能找到他們。

-I'm not going anywhere.

-我哪裡也不去。

-Well, OK, then.

-好吧，好吧，那麼。

Photo album.

照片集。

Where's the photo album?

相冊在哪裡？

Where's the photo album?

相冊在哪裡？

There it is.

在那裡，它是。

Oh.

哦。

Good.

很好啊

Mmm.

嗯。

-I have the photo album, K--

-我有相冊，K...

Kelly?

凱利？

KELLY (OFFSCREEN): [MOANING AND SIGHING WITH PLEASURE]

凱利（畫外音）：[痛苦的呻吟和嘆息]

CHEZ (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.

切斯（外景）：是啊。

KELLY (OFFSCREEN): Oh, god, Chez.

嗷，天哪！哦，天哪，切斯

CHEZ (OFFSCREEN): Mmm.

CHEZ（離螢幕）：嗯。

KELLY (OFFSCREEN): Chez!

凱利（外景）：乾杯！

Oh, OK.

哦，好吧。

Now you've done it the normal way.

現在你'已經用正常的方法做了。

Now let's switch it around and do me in an atypical way.

現在讓我們換一種方式，用非典型的方式來做我。

Ohhh!

哦！

Oh, I'm the theater critic for the New York Times!

哦，我是《紐約時報》的影評人！我是《紐約時報》的影評人。

-(PANTING) Oh, David.

-哦，大衛。

Oh, god, you're never going to guess what happened.

哦，天啊，你絕對猜不到發生了什麼。

Uh, I wandered over to Chez's place to borrow a cigarette,

呃，我去Chez'的地方借煙。

and totally ended up hooking up with him.

並完全結束了與他勾肩搭背。

How funny is that?

這有多好笑？

-[UNENTHUSIASTIC LAUGH]

-[不尷不尬的笑]

-Whew!

-哇！

He's not my normal type, but I was curious, you know?

他不是我喜歡的類型，但我很好奇，你知道嗎？

I've always wanted to bag a famous guy.

我'一直想包養一個名人。

DAVID (OFFSCREEN): Ah, yeah.

啊，是的。Ah, yeah.

-Anyway, let's look at those photos of

-無論如何，讓我們來看看這些照片的。

you from high school.

你從高中。

But, uh, just two seconds, actually, 'cause I wanted to

但是，呃，只有兩秒鐘，其實，'因為我想。

find an ice pack.

找一個冰袋。

'Cause I'm, like, really sore.

因為我好像很痛。

CHEZ (OFFSCREEN): Oh, finally!

喲，終於來了！哦，終於來了！

Guru chicken.

古魯雞。

I'm starving.

我快餓死了

I just had sex.

我剛做過愛

-It's no wonder no one wants to have sex with me.

-難怪沒人願意和我做愛。

I gotta just get my life together.

我得讓我的生活在一起。

I mean, yeah.

我的意思是，是的。

I have a really terrific car.

我有一輛非常棒的車。

I mean, that's the one thing, an amazing new car.

我的意思是，這'是一件事，一個驚人的新車。

A Fiat.

一輛菲亞特

[KNOCK ON GLASS]

[敲開玻璃]

-Aaaahhh!

-啊啊啊！

-Hey, brother, I hope you're cool with how I porked your

-嘿，兄弟，我希望你能接受我把你的豬給宰了。

girl last night.

昨晚的女孩。

I would've left it alone, but I was really needing it.

我本想不管它，但我真的需要它。

I mean, I had a full round in me and she wanted

我的意思是，我有一個完整的圓在我和她想。

it so bad, you know?

它如此糟糕，你知道嗎？

I mean, with all apologies to Pink, Mya, Lil' Kim, and

我的意思是，與所有道歉粉紅色，Mya，Lil&#39；金，和

Christina Aguilera, voulez-vous coucher avec moi

克里斯蒂娜-阿奎萊拉，你會和我一起睡嗎... ...

ce soir?

今晚？

-You know what, Chez?

-你知道嗎，切斯？

It's fine.

它的罰款。

-No.

-不

I'm going to make it right between the

我將使它正確的之間。

two of us, all right?

我們兩個人，好嗎？

I'm buying you brunch.

我請你吃早午餐。

I'm buying you brunch.

我請你吃早午餐。

-No.

-不

No.

不知道

-I'm taking you out to brunch.

-我帶你出去吃早午餐。

-I can't.

-我不能

I--

I--

I'm gonna hang myself today.

我今天要上吊自殺。

-No, no.

-不，不

No.

不知道

I am not gonna take no for an answer.

我不會接受 "不 "這個答案的。

-Hey, dude, come on.

-嘿，夥計，來吧。

-And we better hurry, because pretty

-我們最好快點，因為漂亮的

soon it won't be brunch.

很快就不會是早午餐了。

It'll just be lunch.

這只是午餐。

-Ahh.

-啊

OK, that, that--

好吧，那，那 --