It's kind of an idea of wildness, not so much what psychosis might actually be but more of an idea of violence or just being crazy.

這是一種野性的想法，與其說是精神病實際上可能是什麼，不如說是一種暴力或只是瘋狂的想法。

My name is Esme Weijun Wang, I attended Yale University and Stanford University and I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type since 2013.

我叫 Esme Weijun Wang，曾就讀於耶魯大學和斯坦福大學，自 2013 年起被診斷為情感性思覺失調症雙極型。

Before I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder I had already been in the mental health care system for quite a number of years.

在我被診斷出患有情感性思覺失調症之前，我已經進進出出精神健康機構很多年。

I'd been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was about 15 or 16, and then I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my late teens.

我從 15 或 16 歲起就被診斷出患有憂鬱症和焦慮症，然後在我 20 歲前的那幾年被診斷出患有情感性思覺失調症雙極型。

When I was finally diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, I felt a great sense of relief.

當我最終被診斷出情感性思覺失調症時，我感到如釋重負。

It's quite common for people to go through a number of diagnoses before they reach their final diagnosis.

人們在得到最終診斷之前會經歷多次診斷是很常見的。

And I think that part of the reason this happens is that schizoaffective disorder in particular, but also the schizophrenias in general, is a rather stigmatised diagnosis.

我認為發生這種情況的部分原因是，特別是情感性思覺失調症，以及一般的精神分裂症，是一種相當污名化的診斷。

And so often doctors will resist that diagnosis for as long as possible.

所以醫生往往會盡量拒絕這種診斷。

So they start with the quote unquote, "easier diagnoses".

他們可會從「比較簡單的診斷」開始。

They might start with depression and then move on to bipolar disorder as they did in my case.

他們可能會先診斷成憂鬱症，然後才變成情感性思覺失調症雙極型，就像我的情況。

People tend to think of schizophrenia in a way that they don't think about other mental health diagnoses.

人們傾向於以一種他們不考慮其他心理健康診斷的方式來考慮精神分裂症。

When people think about depression, they often think about the person that has depression as still themselves.

當人們想到憂鬱時，他們通常會認為患有憂鬱症的人仍擁有自我。

When they think about schizophrenia they tend to think about this person who is who they were,

當他們想到精神分裂症時，他們往往會想到這個人本來的樣子，

but then kind of scooped out and removed and replaced by this awful disease and the person who used to be there and was a good and normal person is gone.

但後來被可怕的疾病纏身並被取而代之，曾經善良而正常的人已經消失了。

They're possessed as though by a demon, as though in the movie The Exorcist.

他們就像被惡魔附身，就像電影《驅魔人》中演的一樣。

Except instead of a demon, they're replaced by schizophrenia.

只不過他們不是被惡魔附身，而是罹患情感性思覺失調症。

Because people think that there is a kind of possession involved in schizophrenia or the schizophrenias,

因為人們認為情感性思覺失調症或精神分裂症中存在一種佔有，

they also believe that the person has no autonomy over themselves and no right to make decisions over their own care.

他們還認為，患者對自己沒有自主權，也無權為了自身做出決定。

Therefore, forcible treatment or forced hospitalisation becomes necessary.

因此，他們必須強制治療或強制住院。

I think that in order for schizophrenia and the schizophrenias to become less taboo in culture, there need to be more stories.

我認為，為了讓情感性思覺失調症和精神分裂症在這個文化中變得不那麼禁忌，需要有更多人的故事被知道。

I think that people need to come out about their diagnoses, there need to be more narratives about what the diagnosis means.

我認為患者需要公開他們的診斷，需要更多人描述關於診斷的意義。

But there also needs to be better treatment and if there is better treatment, if there are more stories, if there are more narratives,

但也需要更好的治療，如果有更好的治療，如果有更多的故事，如果有更多的案例，

If people can know that there are people all around them who have this diagnosis, I think stigma will decrease.

如果患者能知道他們周圍的人都有獲得這樣的診斷，我認為對這個疾病的污名化會減少。

I use my accomplishments, I use the way I dress, I use my relationships all as ways to prove,

我用我的成就，我用我的打扮，我用我的人際關係來證明，

"Look! I'm still a worthy member of society even though I have this severe form of mental illness."

「你看，即使我患有這種嚴重的精神疾病，我仍然是這個社會中有價值的一員。」

This also means that I'm part of the problem when it comes to looking at people who are perhaps less quote unquote, "high-functioning".

這也意味著當涉及到那些可能較少「高功能」的人時，我是問題的一部分。

The person on the bus who's screaming, the houseless person who has lost their job because there is something very wrong with them in terms of their mental health.

公車上尖叫的人，因為心理健康問題而失去工作的流浪漢。

And I know that, that is me dealing with the stigma as well, the self-stigma.

我知道，這也是我在處理污名，自我污名。

That is their diagnosis, as well as mine.

這是他們的診斷，也是我的診斷。

I would like people to understand that it's possible for you to know somebody who has schizophrenia or some form of the schizophrenias without you knowing.

我希望人們明白，你有可能在你不知情的情況下認識患有情感性思覺失調症或某種形式的精神分裂症的人。

People with that diagnosis, like me, are everywhere and we are living lives that are full and wonderful and we also like blueberry pie.

像我這樣被診斷出來的患者無處不在，我們過著充實而美好的生活，我們也喜歡藍莓派。

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感謝收看。 不要忘記訂閱並開啟小鈴鐺以接收新影片的通知。

See you again soon!

再見！