Knife is my co-host on today's episode of "How 2!"

小刀是我今天 "如何2 "節目的合作主持人!

- [Knife] (laughs) Yes, it's slice

- [刀]（笑）是的，它的切片。

to finally be here, Orange.

終於來了，橙子。

I'm extremely excited because today

我非常興奮，因為今天

we're showing the audience "How 2" eat an orange. (cackles)

我們正在向觀眾展示 "如何2 "吃一個橙色。（咯咯笑）

(record scratches)

(記錄劃痕)

Wait, why aren't you scared?

等等，你為什麼不害怕？

- [Orange] Me?

- [橙色]我？

- [Knife] Yes, you.

- 是的，你。

Nothing bothers you about today's video?

今天的視頻你沒有什麼不滿意的地方嗎？

- [[Orange] Not really.

- [[橙子]不盡然。

I mean it is a little off-putting

我的意思是它是一個有點令人討厭的。

to see you with a wooden handle, but--

帶著木頭把手來看你，但是 --

- [Knife] Ignore my handle, I'm trying something new.

- 別理我的手柄，我在嘗試新的東西。

- [Orange] Oh no, are you having

- [橙色]哦，不，你有

a mid-knife crisis? (laughs)

中刀危機？（笑）

- [Knife] Ugh, Orange, you're not bothered by today's topic?

- 刀子】唉，橙子，你對今天的話題不感興趣？

The topic of "How 2 Eat an Orange"?

橘子怎麼吃2 "的話題？

- [Orange] Nah, sounds fun.

- [橙子]不，聽起來很有趣。

- [Knife] Well, I must say I agree.

- 好吧，我必須說我同意。

Shall we begin?

我們可以開始了嗎？

- [Orange] Step One, wash the orange

- 橘子】第一步，洗橘子

- [Knife] I guess that is a good place to start.

- 我想這是一個好的開始。

I mean, you should rinse off the fruit

我的意思是，你應該沖洗掉水果。

before putting it in your mouth.

在把它放進嘴裡之前。

- [Orange] Yep, so give it a nice long soak.

- 是的，所以要好好地泡一泡。

(water splashing)

（水花）

Maybe some bubbles?

也許是一些保麗龍？

Ooh and a bath bomb.

哦，還有一個浴霸。

Oh, that's nice.

哦，那很好。

Candles would be nice too.

蠟燭也不錯。

- [Knife] Ugh, why do I feel like

- 為什麼我覺得自己像...

you might be enjoying this a bit too much?

你可能喜歡這個有點過頭了？

- [Orange] What?

- [橙色]什麼？

I deserve it.

我應該得到它。

It's my last day alive, remember?

這是我活著的最後一天，記得嗎？

- [Knife] (sighs) That is true.

- [刀]（嘆氣）這是真的。

Still, I'd like to cut straight to Step Two. (cackles)

不過，我還是想直接切入第二步。（咯咯笑）

- [Orange] Step Two, massage the orange for a while.

- 橘子】第二步，按摩一下橘子。

(record scratches)

(記錄劃痕)

- [Knife] Excuse me?

- [刀]對不起？

- [Orange] You heard me, gimme a massage.

- 你聽到了，給我按摩一下。

It loosens up my skin, that way it peels off more easily.

它能讓我的皮膚變得鬆弛，這樣就更容易脫落。

- [Knife] Oh, well that's a good point. (whistles off)

- [刀]哦，這是個好點子。(吹口哨)

Get over here and give this orange a massage right now.

快過來給這個橘子按摩一下吧。

- [Orange] (giggles) Yeah, and some oil would be nice.

- [橙子]（傻笑）是啊，再來點油就好了。

Get way in there.

進去吧

Oh yeah, that's nice.

哦，是的，這是很好的。

- [Knife] All right, I believe it's time for Step Three.

- 好了，我相信是時候進行第三步了。

- [Orange] Whatever you say, Knifey.

- 你說什麼就是什麼，克尼菲。

Step Three, after you're done massaging the orange,

第三步，按摩完橘子後。

give it a couple compliments.

給它幾句讚美。

Maybe a couple bucks, too.

也許也有幾塊錢。

(record scratches)

(記錄劃痕)

- [Knife] Okay, now you're just being ridiculous.

- 好吧，你現在是在胡說八道。

- [Orange] Is it ridiculous of me to want to feel good

- [橙色]我想感覺良好是不是很可笑

about myself at the end of my life?

在我生命的最後一刻，關於我自己？

- [Knife] Er, I guess not.

- 呃，我想不是。

- [Orange] And is it ridiculous of me to want

- [橙色]我想這樣做是不是很可笑

to have some money to cover burial expenses?

要有一些錢來支付安葬費？

- [Knife] (sighs) No, it's not ridiculous.

- [刀]（嘆氣）不，這並不荒謬。

Here, here's a couple bucks.

給，這裡有幾塊錢。

- [Orange] Thank you, now on to Step Four.

- 謝謝你，現在進入第四步。

Buy dozens of decoy oranges

買幾十個誘餌橘子吧。

with the money you just got. (laughs)

與你剛剛得到的錢。（笑）

- [Knife] Wait, what's happening?

- 等等，發生了什麼？

- [Orange] Step Five, now you can cut the orange in half.

- 橙子】第五步，現在可以把橙子切成兩半了。

- [Knife] Well it's about time!

- 是時候了!

But which one of you is the real Orange?

但你們誰才是真正的橙子呢？

- [Orange] I'm over here.

- 我在這裡

- [Knife] (grunts) What the?

- [刀]（咕噥）什麼？

- [Orange] (laughs) No, over here.

- 橘子】（笑）不，在這裡。

- [Knife] (grunts) Grr.

- [刀] [咕嚕聲]GRR。

- [Orange] (laughs) Maybe you've noticed

- 也許你已經注意到了。

I've filled the decoys with surprises.

我在誘餌裡裝滿了驚喜。

- [Knife] I'll give you a surprise!

- 我給你一個驚喜!

- [Orange] (laughs) Colder.

- 橙子】（笑）更冷。

Colder!

更冷！

Warmer.

暖和點

Hotter.

更熱。

(laughs) You couldn't be hotter.

(笑)你不能再熱了。

You're fire-hot.

你是火熱的。

You're on fire!

你火了！

(suspenseful music)

（懸念音樂）

- [Knife] I've waited a long time for this moment, Orange.

- 我等這一刻等了很久了，橙子。

Say goodbye!

說再見！

- [Orange] No, you're on fire!

- 不，你著火了!

- [Knife] Huh?

- [刀]咦？

What the?

怎麼了？

(Knife screams) (Orange laughs)

(刀子的尖叫聲) (橘子的笑聲)

(fire crackles)

（火災噼啪聲）

(silly music)

(傻樂)