M: So a little while ago we had a donut battle video.

M：所以前不久我們有一個甜甜圈大戰的視頻。

[flashback] S: We have two cards.

[閃回] S：我們有兩張牌。

S: A 'Donut' card and a 'No Donut' card. We're gonna have to pick.

S:一張 "甜甜圈 "卡和一張 "無甜甜圈 "卡。我們要去必須選擇。

S: Whoever picks the 'Donut' card gets their pick of the donut.

S:誰選了 "甜甜圈 "牌，誰就能選到甜甜圈。

M: Unfortunately that donut location is now closed all over Japan :

M：遺憾的是，那個甜甜圈店現在已經在日本各地關閉了。

M: Which means, I'm sorry Simon. You're never gonna be able to get your revenge on me~

M：也就是說，對不起西蒙。你永遠不會能夠得到你的報復我~。

[flashback] S: oH NOOOO

[閃回] S： oH NOOOO。

S: oH FFU- *sheep baaa* M: OHOhoHOhoHOhoH

S：oH FFU- *羊咩咩* M：OHOHOHOHOHOH

M: OHOHOHOHohOHohO

M: OHOHOHOHOHohohO

S: Oh fu- *baaaaa*

S：哦，fu-*baaaaa*。

/ Martina in happy mode while Simon cries in defeat #saddothrakimanwarrior /

/ 瑪蒂娜在快樂的模式，而西蒙在失敗中哭泣 #saddothrakimanwarrior #

S: Venge isn't the word. JUSTICE is the word!

S:復仇不是這個詞。公正才是最重要的！

S: I need some proof that the world makes sense and is fair and balanced.

S：我需要一些證據來證明這個世界是有意義的，是公平和平衡的。

M: It seemed pretty fair and balanced to me considering you win everything and I won almost non stop in that video.

M：考慮到你贏得了一切，而我在那段視頻中幾乎是不停地贏，這對我來說似乎很公平和平衡。

S: So today we're doing 'THE BATTLE OF THE COOKIES' ╰༼=ಠਊಠ=༽╯

S：所以今天我們要做的是'餅乾大戰'╰༼=ಠਊ=༽╯。

S: In which we have two cards, you pick them blindly

S：其中我們有兩張牌，你盲目地選取它們

S: If you have a cookie card you eat

S：如果你有一張餅乾卡，你就會吃到

S: If you get an X you eat NOTHING.

S：如果你得了X，你就什麼都不吃了。

M: Today is going to be cookies for me and cookies for Dan.

男：今天要給我做餅乾，給丹做餅乾。

M: And no cookies for Simon.

M：還有，不要給西蒙吃餅乾。

S: I'll be really upset.

S：我會很難過的。

S: The odds of this happening again are minuscule.

S:這種情況再次發生的機率微乎其微。

S: Math, look we have to prove that math is real.

S:數學，你看我們要證明數學是真實的。

S: We can't deny the existence, because then like, what about wormholes?!

S:因為那樣的話，蟲洞怎麼辦？ !

S: What about...how do we...

S:怎麼樣... ... 我們怎麼... ...

S: Prove...that...gravity exists?!

S:證明... ...萬有引力的存在嗎？

*happy cookie music*

*快樂的餅乾音樂*

M: I don't wanna alarm you, but they have milk on tap, and I am a massive milk fan

M：我不想嚇唬你，但他們有牛奶，我是一個巨大的牛奶迷。

M: They have milk on, MILK ON TAP

M：他們開著牛奶，MILK ON TAP。

S: Ooohhhoh ohohoh

S：喔喔喔

M: Don't you dare! Don't you even breathe into it

男：你敢嗎？你連呼吸都不敢

S: No you can just smell

S:不，你可以只聞

S; There are few smells in the world that are as good as warm cookie smells

S;世界上很少有像溫暖的餅乾味那樣好聞的氣味了

M: No, and this is ice-cold milk on tap

M：不，這是冰鎮的自來水牛奶。

M: Like you don't understand how much I want this one

男：就像你不明白我有多想要這個一樣。

M: I love milk

男：我喜歡牛奶

S: Ok, alright. Ok. You are gonna shuffle the cards, I'm gonna pick the cards because

S:好吧，好吧。好吧，好吧。你要去洗牌，我要去挑選的卡，因為。

S: I was predominantly the loser last time.

S：上次我是以失敗者居多。

M: I'm going to be doing it from my left and my right

男：我要從我的左邊和右邊做起。

S: Yeah, ok. M: So if you say left, it's gonna be my left.

S：對，好的。M：所以如果你說左邊，那就是我的左邊。

S: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah M: If you say right, it's gonna be my right.

S：是啊是啊是啊M：如果你說對了，那就是我的權利了。

S: Yeah yeah x 1000 COME ON! x3 M: Ok, go for it.

S：是啊是啊×1000 COME ON！×3 M：好的，加油。

M: Go for it! S: You ready?

M：去吧!S：你準備好了嗎？

M: Yes. S: Give me your left card.

M：是的。S：把你的左卡給我。

*gives left card* S: Your left card.

*給左卡* S：你的左卡。

M: Ok you ready? S: Here we go.

M：好了，你準備好了嗎？S：我們開始吧。

Both: Three, two, one.

既：三、二、一。

- *cries* Oh no *Martina laughs in victory*

- 哦，不，瑪蒂娜在勝利中笑了起來

~*takes her prize* Oh~ S: What are the odds of this?!

~*拿著她的獎品*哦~S：這個機率有多大？

S: No, what are the odds of this?

S:不，這機率有多大？

*Martina starts teasing Simon*

*瑪蒂娜開始挑逗西蒙

S: Oh my *sniffs* Oh no :( M: Oh, what's that freshly baked-

S:哦，我的*sniffs* Oh no :( M: Oh, what's that freshly baked --

M: It's actually still warm. It's literally still warm. S: Oh no

男：其實還是很溫暖的。真的還是很暖和。S：哦，不

*sad music, Simon's heart breaks*

*悲傷的音樂，西蒙的心碎*

M: I can like melt the chocolate chips. Mmmm~

M：我可以像融化巧克力片。Mmmm~

S: I wasn't super hungry before I came here but

S：來之前我並不是超級餓，但。

S: as soon as I smelt that then I just felt the little grumbles in my stomach

S：我一聞到這個味道，那麼我就覺得肚子裡的小咕嚕咕嚕地叫了起來

S: and the little grumbles in my heart.

S：還有我心中的小怨言。

S: Oh no :( *Martina takes a bites of that delicious cookie*

S:哦，不 :( *Martina咬了一口美味的餅乾*

M: Mmmm~ Oh it's so soft, oh no. Mmm~ S: Oh no. Oh look at it melting... *disbelief*

M：嗯~哦，好軟，哦不。嗯~ S：哦不。哦，看它融化了...*難以置信*

M: That made me so thirsty, if only I had milk.

男：這讓我好渴，要是有牛奶就好了。

M: Oh! Mmmm S: I think you're finding this entertaining.

M：哦!嗯S：我想你是覺得這很有趣。

S: I honestly didn't know.. *laughs of denial and walks away*

S：我真的不知道。*大笑著否認，然後走了*。

M: Mmmmm

M：嗯嗯

(Singing to the tune of Marvin Gayes 'Sexual Healing') ? When I get that feeling I want milk and cookie healing ?

(Singing to the tune of Marvin Gayes 'Sexual Healing') ? 當我有這種感覺時，我想要牛奶和餅乾的療效。

*cue sad music*

*cue悲傷的音樂*

M: Yep, good day for Martina, good start.

M：對，瑪蒂娜的好日子，好的開始。

*cue more sad music*

*cue more sad music*

?????

?????

S: I don't think you understand. I really really like cookies. (same here)

S：我想你不明白。我真的很喜歡餅乾。(這裡也一樣)

S: Cookies, I just really like cookies?

S:餅乾，我只是真的喜歡餅乾？

M: There's a little but of crumbled cookie at the bottom.

M：底部有一點但是的餅乾碎屑。

S: No, we gotta do this fair!

S:不，我們得做這個公平！

S: I didn't win it, I don't deserve this (#lifelessonsfromSimon)

S：我沒有贏得它，我不值得這樣做(#lifelessonsfromSimon)

S: I will win mine with justice!

S：我會用正義贏得我的正義!

M: You don't tell me twice I've already drank the whole thing. S: And I will prove

M：你不要告訴我兩次，我已經喝光了。S：而且我會證明

S: that God exists, ok.

S：上帝存在，好吧。

M: I think you're being a lit- chotto (little) dramatic

M：我覺得你是一個lit-chotto（小）戲劇性的。

M: Let's go for something different than just cookies

M：讓我們去做一些不一樣的東西，而不是單純的餅乾

S: Ok we're gonna edit this out now, next on the list -M: Let's ante this up

S:好的，我們現在要把這個編輯出來，下一個是名單上的。

S: is an ice-cream sandwich.

S：是一種冰激凌三明治。

M: Made with freshly baked cookies! :D

M：用新鮮出爐的餅乾製作!:D

S: My god, my god. *Martina laughs*

S:我的上帝，我的上帝。*瑪蒂娜笑了

M: Simon *beep* loves ice-cream sandwiches.

男：西蒙*嗶*喜歡吃雪糕三明治。

?????

?????

S: Oh my god I didn' 't even taste it I just touched the box

S:哦，我的上帝，我沒有''甚至品嚐它，我只是碰了一盒

M: I know. S: and I feel happiness already.

M：我知道。S：而且我已經感覺到幸福了。

M: Ok, so this is two, freshly baked, warm chocolate chip cookies

M：好吧，這是兩塊，新鮮出爐的熱巧克力餅乾。

S: Yeah yeah M: and you can smell, right?

S：是啊是啊M：而且你還能聞到香味，對吧？

M: And they're using a really special vanilla bean ice-cream from New Zealand. S: Ahh. Oh my god.

M：而且他們用的是紐西蘭的一種很特別的香草豆冰淇淋。S：啊。哦，我的上帝。

M: and then they roll it in cookie crumbs *Simon dying*

M：然後他們把它卷在餅乾屑中，西蒙死了

M: and sugar and it's so warm it's-

男：還有糖，而且很暖和，很------。

S: Ohh the ice-cream is melting. M: the ice-cream is like, physically,

S:哦，冰激凌正在融化。M：雪糕就像，物理上。

S: Ok we got to hurry. M: magical,

S:好吧，我們得趕緊。M：神奇的。

S: Stop destroying! I gotta win this one. M: That's how warm and fresh this is.

別再破壞了！我一定要贏這個。M：這才是最溫暖最新鮮的。

S: Ok, put it down! Separate your cards. I'll pick.

S:好了，把它放下！把你的牌分開。我來選。

M: Ok, do you want my left hand or my right hand?

男：好吧，你是要我的左手還是右手？

*dramatic music*

*戲劇性的音樂

S: Give me your left hand x2

S:給我你的左手x2

S: Ok -Here we go.

S：好的--我們開始吧。

M: You ready? S: Ready.

M：你準備好了嗎？S：準備好了。

-3, 2, 1

-3, 2, 1

Martina wins again!! ???

瑪蒂娜又贏了！？???

(Here we have the different realms of night and day) *Martina laughing*

(這裡有白天和黑夜的不同境界)*瑪蒂娜笑著說*

M: You even move stools! You're like "That stool was cursed."

M：你連凳子都會搬！你就像 "那張凳子被詛咒了 "一樣。

M: and you moved us out of it

M：你把我們從裡面搬出來

*excited Martina*

*興奮的瑪蒂娜*

M: Dan, do you want half of my ice-cream sandwich?

男：丹，你要不要吃我一半的雪糕三明治？

M: Wow, can you see what's happening here.

男：哇，你能看到這裡發生了什麼。

*nom* (I'm craving cookies now)

*(我現在想吃餅乾)

M: Oh my god.

男：哦，我的天。

M: This is so good.

男：這個太好辦了。

M: The cookie's so soft. It's not like a crusty, old cookie that crunches.

M：這餅乾太軟了。不像老式的硬餅乾，會嘎嘣脆。

*Meanwhile...* S: Meh meh meh, this cookie's so soft.

*同時......*S：呵呵呵，這餅乾好軟啊。

M: Wha-

M：Wha-

M: Wow.

M：哇。

*Happy Martina which is always good :D* M: Mmmm!!!

*Happy Martina which is always good :D* M: Mmmm!!!

M: Oh no!

M：哦，不!

M: Mmmmm

M：嗯嗯

M: Mmmm~~!!

M：嗯~~!

S: I've somehow rigged this game but I'm not telling Simon how.

S：我以某種方式操縱了這個遊戲，但我不會告訴西蒙如何操縱。

M: Oh Simon since you're not doing anything, could you grab the camera so Dan could

M：哦，西蒙，既然你什麼都不做，你能不能拿起相機，這樣丹就可以。

M: have some ice-cream sandwich?

M：吃點雪糕三明治吧？

S: This isn't how this channel was established, alright.

S:這不是如何建立這個管道， 好吧。

S: This is supposed to be me enjoying food *Dan laughs in the background*

S:這應該是我在享受美食的過程中，丹在後臺笑了起來

S: Who even eats ice-cream sandwiches like that?

S:誰還會吃這樣的冰淇淋三明治？

D: *shrugs* I do. (same) S: You're barbarians!

D：*聳肩*我願意。(同)S：你們是野蠻人!

D: Mmm!!

D：嗯！!

D: Oh this is good.

D：哦，這個不錯。

M: What? D: Oh nice.

M：什麼？D:哦，不錯。

D: I mean, whoo

D：我的意思是，喔

M: Simon did you want a little bit? S: No. (Give me instead)

M：西蒙你要不要來一點？S：不，（給我代替）。

S: I'm gonna win something for fairsies.

S：我要贏取一些東西來換取公平。

M: Are you gonna win something for fairsies? S: FOR FAIRSIES!!

M：你要為Fairsies贏得什麼嗎？S：為Fairsies！！

S: I'm gonna win it for fairsies alright!

S：我要贏得它的fairsies好嗎？

M: There's only one little piece of cookie left.

男：只剩下一小塊餅乾了。

M: Will it be able to hold the weight?

男：它能不能承受住重量？

M: Ohh that's a huge amount of ice-cream for such a little bit of cookie.

M：哦，這麼一點餅乾，雪糕的量可真大。

M: I should probably just eat it.

男：我還是吃吧。

*nom*

*nom*

M: Mmmm~

M：嗯~

*does a happy dance*

*跳著快樂的舞蹈*

M: Fairness in the world indeed.

男：世界上確實是公平的。

M: I like how it's like "It's always cookie time!"

M：我喜歡這樣的感覺，就像 "永遠是餅乾時間！"

M: and Simon *laughs* hasn't had a single cookie.

M：而西蒙*笑*還沒有吃過一塊餅乾。

S: There's always cookie time? It's never- *beep*

S:總有餅乾時間？從來沒有...

S: That's ok, that doesn't matter, because the third one is the most important one.

S:沒關係，這並不重要，因為第三個才是最重要的。

S: This is gonna be the grand daddy of all cookie experiences

S:這將是所有餅乾體驗中最偉大的一次。

S: and these two cheater mccheatersons aren't gonna be able

S: 而這兩個金光黨Mcheatersons是不是要去能夠

S: to stop me from getting fairness here. (Martina at the back tho)

S：為了阻止我在這裡得到公平。(瑪蒂娜在後邊呢)

(So cute

(好可愛

S: Wankers the lot of them

S:Wankers the lot of them

*cue delicious goodness*

*cue美味佳餚*

(Omg

(Omg

(Diabetes in a cup D: )

(杯中的糖尿病D：)

S: Ok so we just got the freak shake and Martina's taking pictures of it.

S:好了，我們只是得到了怪胎搖 和瑪蒂娜的拍照吧。

S: But there're 2 extra staws. If I win,

S：但是多了兩根樁子。如果我贏了。

S: none of you are getting a taste of it.

S：你們都沒有嚐到甜頭。

S: I'm not even gonna breathe in your direction.

S：我甚至不會向你的方向呼吸。

S: All these extra staws are decorative. You're not touching ANY of it.

S:所有這些多餘的線都是裝飾性的你不能碰任何東西。

M: Do you ever think that maybe it's your vengeful, unsharing attitude

男：你有沒有想過，也許是你的報復心強，不善於分享的態度。

M:that's what's causing- S: NO! Because I'm Captain Generosity, alright.

M:這才是導致--S:不!因為我是大度隊長，好吧。

S: I always share with people all the time!

S：我總是和大家一直分享!

M: Roll the video reel- No, because I'm not going to find all the edits of Simon

M：滾動視頻卷軸--不，因為我不會找到西蒙的所有剪輯。

M: not sharing with me.

男：不和我分享。

S: So what they did, I'm pretty sure they took a whole bunch of ice-cream

S：所以他們做了什麼，我很確定他們拿了一大堆雪糕。

S: and they made a milkshake out of it, and then they dip the cup in chocolate

S：他們做了一個奶昔出來， 然後他們浸泡在巧克力的杯子

S; and then they put more ice-cream on.

斯；然後他們又放了更多的雪糕。

M; Oh sweet child~ s: And then they put the cookies

M；哦，可愛的孩子~s。然後他們把餅乾

M: You don't even know S: And then I put on a swim cap

M：你都不知道 S：然後我就戴上了泳帽。

S: and then I dive into the pool of chocolate and eat my way out

S: 然後我跳進巧克力池裡 吃出自己的風格

S: when I eat this

S：當我吃這個

S: THAT'S WHAT'S ON THE LINE RIGHT HERE!

這就是線上線下的關係!

S: Whooo lordy!

S:Whooo lordy！

M: Ok this is the Rocky Road freak shake

男：好吧，這就是洛基路的怪力亂神。

M: so it comes with marshmallow fluff

M：所以它帶有棉花糖絨毛

S: Look, my nipples can only get so pointy. -so what's more-

S:你看，我的乳頭只能得到如此尖銳。-所以，什麼是更多的 -

S: Ohh!! Is it chilly or am I just hungry? (Note: Not sure how Simon thinks hunger make your nipples perky)

S:哦！！是天冷了還是我餓了?(注：不知道西蒙是怎麼認為飢餓會讓你的乳頭變得活潑的)

M: Ok, this is your... S: THIS IS IT!

M: 好吧，這是你的... ...S：這就是它！

M; Do you want my left hand, or do you want my right hand?

男；你是要我的左手，還是要我的右手？

S: I WANT YOUR RIGHT!

S：我想要你的權利！

M; Is that your final answer? S: YES! GIMME YOUR RIGHT HAND!

M;這就是你的最終答案？S: 是的!給我你的右手！

M: Here we go. S: You ready?

M：我們開始吧。S：你準備好了嗎？

S: Yes. Both: 3, 2, 1

S：是的。都：3、2、1

(AND SIMON IS DA WINNER!! ????)

（和西蒙是DA WINNER！？

S: I TOLD YOU! Martina thought that she could trick me

S：我告訴你！瑪蒂娜認為，她可以欺騙我

S: by making me go left 3 times. M: Left hand 3 yeah that's what I was trying to do.

S：通過讓我左手3次。M：左手3次是的，我就是想這麼做。

S: SHE THOUGHT SO!

S：她是這麼認為的!

S: But you're WRONG!

S：但是你錯了!

*licks straws* S:You're not touching my milkshake

*你不能碰我的奶昔。

S: right here. M: That's not nice at all!

S：就在這裡。男：那一點都不好!

*Simon in awe*

*Simon敬畏*

S: Look at this. In all of its caloric glory. ?

S:看看這個。在其所有的熱量榮耀。?

S: Ooo this is has a little bit of chocolate right up here .

S:哦，這是有一點點 巧克力就在這裡。

M: It's chocolate bark. S: Oh my god.

M：這是巧克力樹皮。 S：哦，我的上帝。

M: You might need that.

M：你可能需要這個。

S: Ahhh

S：啊

S: That is some good-

S:那是一些好

S: Oh! Look it had a a little frozen chocolate.

S:你看，它有一個小冷凍巧克力。

S: Little tents above it right there

S:上面的小帳篷就在那裡

M: But I love marshmallows :( S: Oh do you love marshmallow fluff?

M：可是我喜歡吃棉花糖:( S：哦，你喜歡吃棉花糖鬆軟？

M: Is that just a mouthful of marshmallows?

男：那就是一嘴的棉花糖嗎？

S: Mmm!!!

S:嗯！！！

S: Oh give me a napkin. M: It's gonna cost you a spoonful

S:哦，給我一張餐巾紙。M：這要花你一勺子的錢。

M: of milkshake. S: *beep* no ima lick my hand.

M： 奶昔的。S：*嗶*沒有伊馬舔我的手。

S: NOTHING OUT OF ME!

S:什麼都沒有了我！

S: Arrrrrr! Arrrr!!!

S：Arrrrrrrrr!Arrrrrrr!

(Note: Strangers walking by must think Simon is rabid.

(注：走過的陌生人一定以為西蒙是狂人。

S: Arr!! S: I'm having such a good time right now.

S:Arr！S：我現在玩得真開心。

S: So decadent and delightful.

S：好頹廢，好高興。

(Gimme some pls?)

(給我一些？)

S: Mmm!!

S:S: Mmm!

S: Mmmm~

S:Mmmm~

*A wild Martina appears!*

*一個狂野的瑪蒂娜出現了！

S: You get nothing!

S：你什麼都沒有得到!

S: Look at how big that bark- do you see all that?

S:你看那樹皮有多大 你看到了嗎？

S: Uhh girl you get nothin'.

S:呃，女孩，你得到沒什麼。

S:Mmm!!

S:嗯!!!

M: He's quick and wily for his size! S: I'll take that for you.

M：他的體型很快，而且很狡猾!S：我幫你拿著。

*destroys it*

*摧毀它*

M: It's ok, Dan

M：沒事的，丹

*a wild spoon appears!*

*一個野生的勺子出現了！

M: "You have no idea how many spoons are down my pants right now." -Martina 2017 (#Bestquoteever)

M："你不知道我現在褲子裡有多少勺子。"-馬蒂娜2017（#Bestquoteever）。

M: Spoon after spoon after- S: Why do you have so many spoons in your pants?

M：勺子一個接著一個--S：你的褲子裡怎麼有這麼多勺子？

M: Because I knew you'd throw it on the ground like a jerk.

M：因為我知道你會像個混蛋一樣把它扔在地上。

*happy Simon and sad Martina :(*

*快樂的西蒙和悲傷的瑪蒂娜:(*)

S: Oh yeah girl~

S:哦，是的女孩~

S: It's my birthday. We gonna party like it's my birthday.

今天是我的生日。我們要去聚會，就像這是我的生日。

S: Broom x7 M: Is this a trick?

S：掃帚x7 M：這是在變戲法嗎？

S: Come on, get in there. Get in that.

S:來吧，在那裡得到。獲取在那。

S: Get that x2 GET THAT GIRL, GET THAT GIRL YOU GET THAT.