Dust off that machete because

we're slashing through eleven films

worth of horny teenager massacres

at Camp Crystal Lake starring everyone's

favorite unstoppable killing machine,

Jason Voorhees.

This is the story of Friday the 13th

in three minutes.

Ch ch ch, ah ah ah.

Let's begin.

In 1957 distracted camp counselors

allow a young boy to drown.

That following summer an unsolved

double murder shuts down

Camp Crystal Lake.

Twenty-one years later a crew of

short short rocking counselors

prepare to open the camp

despite an ominous warning from

local drunk crazy Ralph.

Turns out Ralph isn't so crazy,

as counselors rapidly go missing.

Ms Voorhees, driven mad by her

son's drowing, reveals herself as

the killer before final girl,

Alice, decapitates her.

Alice takes refuge in the canoe

where Jason pulls her into the lake.

Or does he...

Jason, who is someone not only alive,

but suddenly a grown-ass man,

shows up to finish what his mama started.

Five years later,

more stupid teenagers attempt to

establish a new camp right next to

the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake.

Good idea guys.

Their presence triggers Jason

sparking the first of many murderous rampages

Jenny, part two's final girl,

stumbles upon Jason's shrine and

stabs him with the machete

leaving him to die,

but Jason doesn't die.

He hides out in a barn killing

anyone who comes near,

eventually emerging with a fresh look.

Final girl number three, Chris

ends Jason's reign of terror with

an axe to the head before becoming

hysterical and being escorted away

by the police.

Jason is totally dead this time

except he obviously isn't.

Jason returns to Crystal Lake to up

the franchise body count on the

group of weekenders who thought

partying at the deadliest lake in

history would be fun.

Meanwhile next door,

Trish Jarvis and little brother Tommy

meet a camper who seeks revenge on

Jason for killing his sister in part two.

The camper dies along with everyone else

leaving Trish and Tommy alone against Jason.

Sweet, innocent Tommy bashes Jason's

skull in with a machete seemingly stopping

Jason once and for all.

Years after killing Jason,

Tommy is still haunted by his memory.

Tommy moves into a halfway house

under psychiatric supervision.

A killer using Jason's M.O. starts

picking off patients at the facility.

Tommy faces his fear and stops the killer

revealing that it was not Jason,

but a copycat all along.

Tommy dawns the hockey mask

and the kitchen knife,

but that never really goes anywhere.

After being released from

another mental institution,

Tommy visits Jason's grave to

destroy the body and prevent

any possible resurrection,

but his plan backfires,

and he inadvertently brings

Jason back to life.

Jason slaughters a few counselors

before Tommy chains him to a

boulder and drops him in the lake.

Rot with guilt over her father's

accidental drowning,

a young woman attempts to use

her telekinetic powers to

resurrect her Pops

but resurrects Jason instead.

Jason ruins a birthday party

before Tina gets her shit together

and summons her dead Dad's spirit

to return Jason to the

bottom of the lake.

A year later,

an underwater electrical cable

shocks Jason back to life.

He hitches a ride on a party cruise

to Manhattan butchering most of the

graduating class of 1989 along the way.

Jason arrives in the Big Apple,

but before he can even unpack,

he's trapped in a sewer where he's

disintegrated by a wave of toxic sludge.

A few years later,

Jason inexplicably rises from the grave.

Shocking, I know,

and returns to his roots killing

naked folks at Camp Crystal Lake.

A routine murder turns out to be

a sting by the FBI,

and they blow Jason to Hell.

Without a body,

Jason possesses unsuspecting bystanders

in search of his long lost relatives.

Manifested as this worm-demon, thing,

Jason slithers into his sister's body

and is reborn yet again

only to be stabbed-to-death by

his own niece with a mystical dagger.

Finally defeated,

a familiar foe drags Jason to Hell

summing up the ultimate clash

of slasher icons.

But first!

Flash forward to the year 2455,

Jason goes where only

leprechaun has gone before.

A group of students from Earth II

reanimate Jason from his cryogenic

state on their spaceship.

Jason goes full cyborg and

introduces the future to

old school horror.

Jason is blasted into space

burning up in Earth II's atmosphere.

Okay.

Back to the sequel people actually wanted,

infamous nightmare Freddy Krueger

revives Jason to stir up enough fear

so that the residents of Springwood

will remember him,

but Jason,

being an unstoppable killing machine,

can't stop killing,

which is problem for Freddy,

who also has a body count

to worry about.

A battle ensues and a whole bunch

of teenagers die.

The big guy seemingly comes out on top,

but nobody knows better than Jason

how hard it can be to kill an undead

super slasher once and for all.

And that's the story of Friday the 13th

in 3 minutes.

And no,

we didn't talk about the reboot

or the shorter sequel or whatever

that was supposed to be because

it never happened.

What horror icon would you like

us to animate next?

Let us know in the comments.

And don't forget to subscribe

or Jason will find you!

Or I'll find you!

I'm doing nothing since

Top 10 Trends ended.

Nothing!

I got nothing but time!

(horror music)