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  • -Welcome to "The Tonight Show," everyone.

  • During what continues to be a very turbulent time,

  • I just want to say to everyone out there protesting

  • or people going back to work during quarantine,

  • please stay safe.

  • And we appreciate you.

  • We have a great show tonight.

  • The co-hosts of "Queer Eye" are on the show tonight.

  • And their new season just came out on Netflix.

  • And we saw episode one, and it is just great.

  • They are just -- it's -- it's almost --

  • it's comforting, but it's heartbreaking.

  • It's beautiful. It's great.

  • And that was only halfway through it.

  • -Oh, yeah. -Yeah, even to the end

  • is just -- yeah. It's fantastic.

  • But we love all of those guys, so they're on the show tonight,

  • as well as Christian Slater,

  • who has a new show on USA, Tuesdays, at 10:00.

  • And, honey, you'll like it.

  • It's, like, season two of "Dirty John."

  • It's a real -- -Oh, I'm in.

  • -Yep. And then our music tonight,

  • she's unbelievable.

  • And Sia is on the show tonight.

  • -Oh. -Yeah.

  • She has a motion picture called "Music,"

  • and the song's called "Together."

  • And Sia is one -- I wish -- you know, I miss seeing

  • these people and being in front of these singers.

  • 'Cause it's people like Sia that --

  • And musicians will know what I'm talking about --

  • She almost doesn't need a microphone

  • when she's performing.

  • She's so good and, like, projecting, and it's like, wow!

  • It's powerful.

  • And I'm always like, "Wow. Were you even using the mic?"

  • 'Cause she fills up the whole room.

  • And I remember even her doing "Chandelier,"

  • I want to say, and I was like,

  • "You're not gonna hit those notes."

  • It was like -- [ Whistling ]

  • I can't even whistle it, what she was singing.

  • ChandelierAnd she hit all the notes,

  • and I was like, "Ah!" She is just amazing.

  • So, what a great show tonight.

  • And thank you so much, again, for watching.

  • Let's get to some news.

  • Well, you guys, it's another rough week for President Trump.

  • Though at this point, I can just say,

  • "Well, you guys, it's another week for President Trump."

  • CNN just released a new poll yesterday,

  • and it doesn't look too good for the President.

  • -President Trump's approval rating is the lowest

  • it's been since January of last year.

  • That's according to a new CNN poll

  • that shows the President slipping amid a chaotic week.

  • Only 38% approve of the job he is doing.

  • That is down 7 points since just last month.

  • -Ouch. Right now, the only thing

  • lower than Trump's approval rating

  • is his underground bunker.

  • 38%, to put that in perspective, more people approved

  • of Lay's cappuccino-flavored potato chips.

  • Cappuccino-flavored potato chips.

  • Incidentally, 38% is the same ratio of chips to air

  • in every bag of Lay's potato chips.

  • It's bad. Right now, even the "New York Times"

  • op-ed section has more fans.

  • [ Chuckles ]

  • You know how I know things are bad?

  • Earlier today, Don Jr. changed his name to Eric.

  • [ Laughs ]

  • And now Trump wants to improve his numbers

  • by getting his campaign team from 2016 back together.

  • Trump was like, "We can do it. They're all out of prison now.

  • So..."

  • Speaking of Trump's campaign,

  • it looks like he's ready to get back out on the road.

  • -And now the President is planning

  • to get back out on the trail.

  • His campaign says they're looking to resume

  • those big rallies in the next two weeks,

  • despite concerns about the pandemic.

  • -Don't worry. Just to be safe,

  • everyone gets injected with bleach on the way in and out.

  • So...

  • Actually, Trump said that they're being smart.

  • He was like, "When the rally ends,

  • everyone will have to stay in the arena

  • for two weeks of quarantine."

  • So, that's fair, right?

  • Meanwhile, just when it seemed like things

  • couldn't get any more upsetting,

  • Trump took to Twitter this morning

  • to offer a conspiracy theory

  • of the police-brutality incident in Buffalo.

  • He said that the 75-year-old man who was shoved by the police

  • could be an ANTIFA provocateur.

  • And, "I watched. He fell harder than was pushed.

  • Could be a setup?"

  • Yeah, it's pretty interesting that this guy

  • is giving a lesson on gravity, from a man who stands like this.

  • It's almost like he's, like, free falling,

  • like one of those flying squirrel guys.

  • Defying gravity

  • Um...

  • After receiving criticism from both Democrats and Republicans

  • for that exact tweet, Trump followed up by tweeting,

  • "Make America great again."

  • 'Cause when the new stuff bombs, you got to go with the hits.

  • Well, I saw that Daniel Radcliffe

  • released a statement condemning J.K. Rowling's

  • controversial tweets about trans people.

  • Many people have been surprised about her views,

  • but I don't know. If you go back and read

  • the "Harry Potter" books, it kind of makes sense.

  • There's a character that I forgot totally about.

  • There's Hermione, Ron, Harry, and, of course,

  • there was the fourth friend that I forgot called Whimpleton.

  • I totally --

  • Well, here's a couple excerpts from the audiobooks.

  • Should make more sense. Listen.

  • ♪♪

  • -"We have to stop Professor Snape

  • from getting the Babbling Thwoggit!"

  • exclaimed Harry.

  • "Grab your wands!" cried Hermione.

  • "I'm just gonna say it. I'm not totally sold

  • on this whole 'trans' thing," said Whimpleton.

  • "Not the time, Whimpleton!" yelled Harry. "Wow!"

  • "Use the Portkey to get to the Jackalion!"

  • declared Hermione.

  • "What kind of creature is that?" inquired Ron.

  • "Does it have claws and sharp teeth?" queried Harry.

  • "And is it a boy or a girl?

  • It has to be one, not neither or both," said Whimpleton.

  • "Whimpleton, literally no one asked for your opinion here!"

  • shouted the group.

  • "We've only found 16 of the cursed Nobbilynooks!"

  • Ron gasped.

  • "We have to hurry!" bellowed Harry.

  • "But wait!" Whimpleton halted.

  • "Can I just say, the thing about menstruation is --"

  • He never got to finish his sentence,

  • as Hermione pulled out her wand

  • and transfigured him into a tea cozy

  • And at last, Whimpleton was useful.

  • But people are thanking Daniel Radcliffe

  • for speaking out against J.K. Rowling's tweets.

  • It's an easy issue to get wrong,

  • so just so everyone's on the same page,

  • here's a complete list of all the things

  • people want to hear J.K. Rowling's take on.

  • ♪♪

  • -Wizards.

  • ♪♪

-Welcome to "The Tonight Show," everyone.

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B1 中級

特朗普繼續發推特,支持率進一步下滑(在家版獨白)。 (Trump’s Approval Ratings Dip Further as He Continues Tweeting (At Home Edition Monologue))

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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