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-Guys, I'm very excited about this --
the one and only John Travolta is here!
[ Cheers and applause ]
John Travolta -- guys, a legend.
I'm a huge fan of his --
every movie he's ever been in I watched.
The guy can sing. He can dance. He can act.
He's here promoting his new film "The Fanatic,"
which, after saying all that, is probably about me, um...
Guys, we're halfway through August,
and people don't know how to handle this weird time
between summer and fall.
Today I saw someone drinking a pumpkin spice rosé.
[ Laughter ] Yeah.
I saw that.
-You saw that with your own eyes?
-Yeah. -Wow.
-Let's get some news. The big story is the economy.
Yesterday, the stock market dropped 800 points,
and it suffered its worst loss of the year.
I'm not saying the economy's in trouble, but right now,
giving money to John Hickenlooper's
presidential campaign is a better investment.
The stock market plummeted 800 points.
The graph was intense.
It looked like a heart monitor
before you buy Olive Garden's Lifetime Pasta Pass
and after you buy Olive Garden's Lifetime Pasta Pass.
Which I do have, by the way.
-You do have? -I do.
Even more concerning is that Trump's allies are worried
that he's running out of tools to fix the economy.
Yup, running out of tools.
When Trump heard that, he was like,
"Not true -- I have Eric and Don Jr.
I have more than enough tools."
News of the economy is really hurting Trump's popularity.
A new pole was just released,
and Trump's disapproval rate is at 56%...
-Whoo! -...and now I'm really worried--
[ Laughter ]
Now I'm really worried Trump might not fix the economy,
'cause he just asked, "What do the other 56% think?"
[ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, not all the news is bad.
I just saw that President Obama
just shared his summer reading list on Instagram.
Take a look.
Yeah, it's a pretty long list.
Well, not to be outdone,
President Trump released a list of things
he's read this summer --
-Oh, here we go. Here we go.
-Ta-- Tariq, what's up?
-Let me guess.
You're gonna make fun of Trump
by listing a bunch of fake stuff that he read this summer.
-I mean, yeah, that was the plan.
-And then each -- each joke is gonna pop up as, like, a graphic
so everyone can see and then laugh about it.
Or not.
-I know exactly how this'll go, okay?
Like, the top of the screen's gonna say something like,
"Trump's Summer Reading List,"
and then, underneath that,
it'll say things like, I don't know,
"His own tweets."
Or "The menu at Carl's Jr."
[ Laughter ]
And -- And -- Oh, oh.
The -- The back of a shampoo bottle.
-Or -- Or "Eat, Pray, Love,"
but only the first part.
And then, finally, you know, the thing he reads every year --
"Divorce papers."
-Is, uh -- Is --
[ Laughter, applause ]
-Is that how this is gonna go?
-Uh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, you nailed it, yeah.
-[ Mumbling ]
-What was that?
-I don't think you should do that bit.
[ Laughter ]
-Alright, deal, we won't do it.
Some entertainment news --
The film "Blinded by the Light" comes out tomorrow night.
It's inspired by --
Inspired by the music of Bruce Springsteen.
When asked how many stars he'd give the film, Bruce said,
"One, two, three, four!"
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
In business news, Coca-Cola just announced
that they're releasing two new flavors --
Coca-Cola Cinnamon
and Winter Spiced Cranberry Sprite.
Company says they'll be available while supplies last,
and, based on those flavors, that'll be forever, uh...
Well, get this. In Ohio, the Guinness World Record
was just broken for most people
scratching lotto tickets at the same time.
Even worse, that's Trump's plan to fix the economy.
Well, this is interesting. I saw a new study that found
people who left their phones at home during vacation
experienced symptoms of withdrawal.
Yeah, uh, eventually they just started
pointing at random objects and yelling,
Like! Like!
Listen to this. I read about a new trend where
people have started adding Bitmojis to their resumes.
It's actually pretty helpful.
Now the person interviewing you
knows exactly why you're unemployed.
[ Laughter ]
Well, this made me laugh.
[ Light applause ] In Florida, there was --
Oh, thank you. A slow clap?
-Wow. -A slow clap.
-Wow. -Wow.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Got a nice slow clap. I appreciate it. Thank you.
-So brave. -I haven't gotten one all year.
That's a great one. -Yeah, wow.
Uh, in Florida, there was a raccoon
that had to be rescued from a vending machine.
Look at this.
You see it in there? Yeah.
The rescue was pretty easy.
Firefighters just put in a dollar and pressed A2. Yeah.
And finally, have you guys heard of long neck avocados?
Well, photos of them are going viral.
Check these things out.
-The eggplant emoji saw that and was like,
"Well, I had a good run."
Uh, we have a great show tonight.


Recession Threat Hurts Trump's Popularity

19 分類 收藏
林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 7 月 4 日
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