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  • [ Bells jingling ] ♪♪

  • -All right, who wants to meet Santa Claus?

  • -Me! -Me!

  • -All right. Right this --

  • -Move, move, move out of the way.

  • I want to meet Santa. Look at you guys.

  • Thank you.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Look at you guys.

  • Look at you guys. Very small. Sad.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Here, hold my Mango-A-Go-Go. Take my pretzel.

  • -[ Laughs ] -Santa, hello.

  • -Is that you, Mr. President? -Of course it is.

  • Look, I don't have much time.

  • I ditched Eric and Don Jr. at the Disney Store.

  • Won't be long until they realize

  • the Thor beanbag chair I left them on isn't their real dad.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -So you came to the mall just to see Santa?

  • -That's right. Tomorrow's the big impeachment vote.

  • And people are saying that all I can do is pray.

  • But why pray when I can come straight to you, Jesus' dad?

  • -Oh, I'm not -- I'm not. No. [ Laughter ]

  • -Besides, I love malls, I really do.

  • The sights, the sounds, the Szechuan samples.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • But even here, I can't escape the Democrats.

  • They're very mean, Santa. They're very mean.

  • They're very nasty. -Mm.

  • [ Laughter ] They're very nasty.

  • They're very nasty people. -Nasty, yes.

  • -They do nasty things.

  • They want to impeach me just like Clinton and Nixon

  • and Prancer and Vixen. [ Laughter ]

  • But that would be very humiliating,

  • and the only person who can humiliate me is me.

  • -Well, that is not true. -Thank you, Santa. Thank you.

  • Lucky for me, there's one thing I believe in,

  • and that's the Christmas spirit.

  • So if this whole thing goes kablooey,

  • I have a few Christmas wishes I want to make.

  • Here, I wrote them down.

  • [ Laughter ] -Oh...

  • -Now don't worry, I'm not going to ask for dirt on Biden.

  • I learned my lesson. You can't --

  • You can't ask a foreign leader for help,

  • and you, of course, are the president of Alaska.

  • -Uh, incorrect, incorrect. -So my first wish --

  • and we all knew this was coming --

  • we have to do something about Nancy Pelosi.

  • I mean, she's being a real Omarosa Scrooge.

  • And -- I'm not asking you to do anything to Nancy,

  • but you ever heard the song,

  • "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"?

  • [ Laughter ] -[ Mutters ]

  • -Just think about it. Just think about it.

  • Doesn't have to be a reindeer, but...

  • Could be a golf cart. [ Laughter ]

  • I'm not micromanaging. -Oh, boy. Okay --

  • -So that was my first wish. And I get three, right?

  • Are we playing by Aladdin rules? -No, not exactly.

  • But you can ask for gifts for your friends.

  • -Great. Any tips on what to get a Russian dictator

  • who has everything? [ Laughter ]

  • I'm pretty sure he's buying me another election,

  • so I want to get him something good.

  • -Well -- [ Laughter ]

  • -Oh, I have this one friend --

  • let's call him Rudy the Brown-Nosed Reindeer.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • He's trying to save himself from going to --

  • let's call it prison.

  • -So your Christmas wish is that he ends up okay.

  • How nice. -No, no,

  • I'll just get him a Peloton. [ Laughter ]

  • Oh, look. If I'm being honest, Santa,

  • this impeachment thing is really scaring me --

  • like Melania's Christmas decorations.

  • Or stairs.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I just hope it all works out in the end.

  • -Well, Donald, if you do get impeached,

  • it's still up to the Senate to remove you, you know.

  • -It is? And that will never happen.

  • Because the Senate is run by my elves, the Republicans.

  • And that is the greatest gift of all.

  • Thank you, Santa. My Christmas wish came true.

  • And oh, yeah, "The Tonight Show" starts right now.

  • Come on. Let's do this! -Whoo!

  • ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -From 30 Rockefeller Plaza right here in New York City,

  • it's "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon."

  • ♪♪

  • And now, here he is,

  • Jimmy Fallon!

  • [ Cheers and applause ] -♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey

  • -♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey

  • -♪ Hey, hey, hey, he-ey

  • -Give it up! Ah!

  • The Roots! Nice to see you! Hi!

  • -♪ Hey

[ Bells jingling ] ♪♪

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特朗普總統拜訪商場聖誕老人許下彈劾願望 (President Trump Visits Mall Santa to Make an Impeachment Wish)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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