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  • -Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hello.

  • I have a lot of shapes and not a lot of time,

  • so let's just get started.

  • Okay?

  • The first shape that I want --

  • need to show you is a rectangle

  • having a really bad day.

  • The, uh, the second shape that I have to show you...

  • uh, is a sphere, who you may recognize

  • for her current role

  • as a Ferrero Rocher chocolate.

  • And, originally, we had casted

  • a different Ferrero Rocher for this part.

  • But then I was backstage, and I was like, "Places, places."

  • And I was like, "Hold on. Where's your little skirt?"

  • [ Laughter ]

  • And the Ferrero Rocher was like, "No, I can do it."

  • I was like, "Um, honey, I know you can do it,

  • but if you're not in costume, I don't know what to tell you."

  • And then this one was like, "I can do it."

  • This next shape that I must show you --

  • This is Jessica.

  • Jessica works in PR.

  • Jessica begins and ends every single e-mail with "A-S-A-P."

  • This next shape, this is me

  • coming in late for a meeting

  • and immediately chiming in.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Uh, this next shape is actually a --

  • a garment that I've been meaning to design.

  • How about...

  • a cape for a queen that is so, so long

  • that she doesn't know

  • that there's another queen at the end of it?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • But the cape has to be so long

  • that both queens can live their lives,

  • just every now and then feeling a gentle tug.

  • I will now abruptly do an impression at you.

  • [ Clears throat ]

  • Okay, I'm sorry if you don't like what I do,

  • and I'm sorry if you don't like what I stand for you,

  • but I actually keep the economy going.

  • And I'm sorry, but we live in a nation of laws,

  • and rules are rules, and I'm sorry if you can't

  • handle that, but we live in a nation of laws.

  • That is...

  • that nasty little curtain

  • that divides first class from coach.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • To be a curtain and pick that as your curtain job

  • is like, "Who hurt you?"

  • I, uh...

  • I was recently on this -- on this airplane.

  • It was a very small airplane that had been remodeled

  • so as to accommodate a first class.

  • And I was sitting on the first row of coach,

  • and my seat didn't have a first-class seat

  • directly in front of it.

  • It just looked into the hallway.

  • So then when the flight attendant came over

  • and drew the curtain dividing the people,

  • the curtain fell right in front of my face.

  • Like, I was a secret for first class.

  • Then I crossed my legs,

  • and my knee gently caressed the curtain,

  • causing it to fall.

  • So then the flight attendant came over

  • and just, like, immediately reattached it.

  • And I said, "Can you not do that?

  • 'Cause I'm just going to move slightly,

  • and the curtain's gonna fall all over again."

  • And she says "No, we have to."

  • I'm like, "Okay.

  • But, once again, I'm just gonna make the slightest movement,

  • and the curtain's gonna fall all over again.

  • Can you just not put it up?"

  • And she goes, "No, we have to."

  • And then I asked...

  • "Why?"

  • And in her eyes, I saw meteors falling,

  • flowers blooming, and animals decomposing.

  • And suddenly, she was free.

  • I had released her.

  • [ Applause ]

  • You know, doing what I do, which is this...

  • uh, I have often been described as too niche.

  • To which I'll say, I have no idea

  • what you could possibly be talking about.

  • So, I bought little chairs for all of my crystals.

  • Little chairs and little desks.

  • Because I don't know if crystals work,

  • but I just need them to be prepared just in case.

  • Um, well, unless there are any questions,

  • uh, I think we're done here.

  • Um, thank you so much.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

-Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hello.

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胡里奧-託雷斯站立:我最喜歡的形狀 (Julio Torres Stand-Up: My Favorite Shapes)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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