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  • -I wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday.

  • -Thank you so much. -Yeah.

  • -Four days late, but nonetheless.

  • Thank you. -Uh, it was this past weekend?

  • -Yeah, it was. Yeah, it happened.

  • -Do you enjoy birthdays, or...

  • -No, no, no. -No, you don't.

  • -I don't enjoy mine.

  • -No. -No, no, no.

  • I enjoy other people's birthdays,

  • which happens every day,

  • but I don't enjoy my own birthday.

  • -No. -No.

  • -You never did, even as a kid? -Never did.

  • No, when I was a kid, I hated it even more than I do now

  • because, as a kid, I just remember, like,

  • the pressure of having a birthday party --

  • which I never had --

  • because I was too nervous about who I would choose --

  • which friend I would choose to sit next to me,

  • and I didn't want to have to be

  • in the position of ranking my friends like that,

  • so I just opted to never have a birthday party.

  • -Oh, my gosh. -I was so nervous

  • to hurt somebody's feelings. -But what about family?

  • Did family -- Did you have parties with family?

  • -No, I sequestered myself in the room and said,

  • "I don't want to have to choose

  • which one of you I like the most."

  • I think they knew,

  • but I didn't want to have to explicitly say it.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -But we talked once.

  • You said your mom was a clown at kids parties.

  • -This is the great irony of my life.

  • My mom was was a bir--

  • The shoemaker's son goes shoeless.

  • The birthday party clown's kid goes birthday-less.

  • -Did she never entertained at your parties?

  • -No, she didn't entertain, you know, because of nepotism,

  • but, um...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • So, she would -- one time -- I did have one birthday party --

  • she used to barter with the local magician.

  • She said, "Okay, if you do my son's birthday party,

  • I'll perform at your kid's birthday party."

  • And so I had one birthday party,

  • and, luckily, you don't have to choose where anybody sits

  • 'cause it's a magic -- you know, it's a magic show,

  • so you all just sit in a clump, so that's easy.

  • But, you know, because it was my birthday,

  • he chose me to be, like, his sexy assistant.

  • You know what I mean? I had to come up

  • and be sawed in half or pull the thing out of the hat

  • or whatever they're doing, and, um --

  • and I hated that, too, because then, you know,

  • you're getting the attention for that,

  • and then my friends know I'm better than them on that day.

  • -Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, no, you don't want that.

  • You don't want that at all.

  • But, now, Halloween is coming up,

  • and I can just assume you don't appreciate that.

  • -Also didn't like that holiday. -No, no, no, no, probably not.

  • What would you do on Halloween?

  • Would you, uh -- -Halloween, I just --

  • -Just didn't like the idea of getting candy, or...

  • -I hated the idea of getting candy.

  • I hated the idea of trick-or-treating.

  • I always just thought it was, like,

  • the least-efficient way to get food, you know?

  • You know, there were hunters, you know,

  • thousands and thousands of years

  • got food more quickly than I did going door to door getting,

  • you know, fun-sized Snickers bars. It's just --

  • I didn't like doing it, and, um, you know, I'm a manic person,

  • so that kind of thing --

  • this plotting thing of going door to door

  • to get something that's tiny is just...

  • -Well, I asked you to see if you can...

  • -Yeah.

  • -I asked you if you could give us a photo or have your --

  • ask your mom for a photo of you

  • in one of your Halloween costumes.

  • -That's right. I asked my mom.

  • I said, "I'm going on the Jimmy Fallon show."

  • She loves you, by the way.

  • I don't know if you've ever been told

  • that somebody's mother loves you,

  • but my mom loves you. -Oh, thank you. I love that.

  • -I imagine that's like -- you must -- you love that.

  • Um, anyway. -I love hearing that.

  • -"Suburban woman in New Jersey loves me?"

  • But anyway... -She came back.

  • She gave us a photo of one of your Halloween costumes.

  • Can you explain -- uh, what are you dressed as?

  • What is that? -Yeah.

  • -It doesn't look like much of a, uh, costume.

  • -Also, the van should tell you

  • everything you need to know about my childhood.

  • But, yes, I guess this was my most elaborate Halloween costume

  • according to my mother, which is, like,

  • a Dickensian hat

  • and a -- a de-threaded basketball, I guess.

  • You know, what is the basketball

  • where it no longer has the dots on it?

  • That's the one I had. But, um, yeah.

  • -That was your -- -...no grip.

  • -That was your costume. -That was my costume.

  • -Pretty good. -Yeah.

  • -Probably no one else at school was dressed like that.

  • -No. No, no, no. -No.

  • You're the only one.

  • -Yeah, but, after tonight, who knows?

  • -It could catch on. -Yeah.

  • -Uh, I love your acting,

  • but I also love your -- your writing, as well.

  • You write very funny -- I've seen stories in New Yorker.

  • -Yeah, thanks a lot.

  • -They're great. -Oh, yeah, right.

  • -Explain this. What is this -- this book?

  • -Yes, this is a book that

  • I'm just part of a compilation of,

  • including Nate Dern,

  • one of your great writers here is in it.

  • Probably everybody who's ever written in the language

  • or maybe even a different language is in this book,

  • 'cause it's so huge.

  • Yeah, if you can see it on the side.

  • -It's a big book. -Yeah, it's biblical proportion.

  • -Yeah, it's a big book. I-I-I have a book out, too.

  • Let me see it. -This is it here.

  • "Baby" -- Jimmy Fallon. Yeah.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Could we -- just out of curiosity,

  • could we -- could we -- could we compare font size?

  • -Yeah, we can compare font size. -Yeah.

  • -Something tells me --

  • Something tells me yours is gonna...

  • Yeah, here, so, small, kind of modest 10-point.

  • What do you have?

  • These are "Baby"... -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • I figure for babies it's good. -Yeah.

  • No zoom-in necessary. -No, no, no. You don't need --

  • You can see it from far away.

  • -Right, so, this is McSweeney's. This is started by --

  • -I love McSweeney's. -And, uh, yeah,

  • it's all the best comedy writers write for this,

  • and, uh, it's a wonderful book.

  • Probably written by 1,000 environmentalists

  • but wasting so much paper. -Yeah.

  • -You can buy it ironically.

  • It's a good book if you like funny.

  • -Yeah. -Check it out.

-I wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday.

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傑西-艾森伯格展示了他最精緻的萬聖節服裝。 (Jesse Eisenberg Shows Off His Most Elaborate Halloween Costume)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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