It's me, Kalen Allen.

I'm here today with Ali Wong.

How are you today.

I'm very good.

Wonderful.

Now listen, when I saw you last, we

were at the Janet Jackson concert.

Yes, backstage.

Yes, yes.

And you came up to me, and you told me specifically

to not date until I was 35.

I did?

Yes.

Yeah, you were a little drunk.

You was a little drunk, but it happened.

So today, we are going to react with our faces

to dating scenarios and then explain what

we would do in that situation.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, hell no.

That's bad precedent.

Yes, yes.

If they're late on the first date, forget it.

Right.

Bye.

I agree.

I think once you're late the first time, like,

that shows me that you're not punctual

and that you don't care about this relationship already.

Well, how much better?

None of these pictures from 13 years ago,

where you have a full head of hair--

Yes.

--and a six-pack.

Yes.

None of that.

OK.

Now that has happened to me.

And I'd be like, OK, baby, that's not the same person.

Mm.

Oh, no, no, no.

Serial killer.

You don't like that?

No, I don't like that.

I would like that.

I don't like that.

What are you hiding?

OK, but see, this is why I would like it.

I would like it because then I would

know that you don't care about followers and stuff like that.

Now if you out here trying to be secretive,

now that's a different story.

Yeah.

Amen to that.

Amen to that.

Amen to that.

Resourceful.

OK, I love good coupons, too.

We going to Chili's.

Two for 20, baby, OK.

That means we could get married.

This could be a partnership.

OK.

Yeah.

If you have no shame--

Listen.

--in busting out the coupon on the first date, I love it.

Oh.

No.

I don't do that.

You don't like that?

I don't like that,

I'm a picky eater.

I don't like people that will order the food,

and then almost eat it all, and then be like, I don't like it

anymore, and then request them to take it back and take it

off the bill.

No, I eat it everything.

That's tacky.

I don't want the people--

like especially if you go to an Asian restaurant

and they're asking me to explain everything.

And they're like, what is that?

What is that?

Why is that not a sandwich?

No.

Oh.

Guess I would be like this, yeah.

Yeah, that's the little bad, because then you

got to kiss that mouth, too.

No.

Mm-mm, they need to know their dental hygiene.

Yeah.

Floss twice--

My standards for self care aren't that high, but--

Yeah, that.

The mouth got to smell good.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

That's fine.

That's fine.

It happens all of us.

It happens to all of us.

It's a nice bonding moment.

Right.

You share.

It is.

Yeah.

It makes you more vulnerable.

If it was really a front and center,

I would take a picture of it, and I'd just be like,

I just want to show you something.

And then I would show them the picture.

Oh, my gosh,

We would laugh, and it would be like--

Right.

I would jujitsu it into like a flirty thing.

OK.

Yeah.

OK.

Make it a little more comfortable.

Big thanks to Ali for giving me all that great advice.

Now to just find me a man.

If you know one, please have him call me.

All right, till next time, y'all.

Bye-bye.