Wiz: Like Justin Bieber, the young pop sensation, and Rebecca Black, the girl who took YouTube by storm.

Boomstick: I hate 'em even more than my blood-sucking ex-wife!

Wiz: I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Wiz: In 2007, Justin Bieber was discovered by marketing executive Scooter Braun by complete accident.

Under the tutelage of his mentor, Usher Raymond, IV,

Bieber spent a year training before becoming the biggest teen hit since Hannah Montana.

Boomstick: Why?! Why is he so popular?!?

Wiz: His single titled "Baby" is the most viewed video on YouTube with nearly 600,000,000 hits.

Boomstick: I mean, it's just a kid singing auto-tuned songs, saying "Girl" and "Baby" over and over again!

Wiz: His premature fame has prompted a vast line of merchandise, ranging from lunch boxes, squiggly straws

, T-Shirts and a perfume line that is shaped like...

Boomstick: ...a vagina.

Wiz: ...Right. But that's not the strangest of his products. A lock of his hair once sold for $40,000.

Boomstick: What!? No! G-Goddamnit! That is the biggest waste of money I've ever heard of!

Wiz: True, unless they're planning to clone him.

Boomstick: No, that's even worse! Why would anyone want more than one

of this musical abomination roaming this planet!?

Wiz: Anyway, the hair toured the world collecting bids with its own bodyguard to protect it from crazy fangirls.

Boomstick: Oh yes! Heaven forbid someone assassinate the lock of precious hair!

Wiz: And speaking of his fans, they really are crazy. The most passionate call themselves "Beliebers".

Boomstick: ...You're kidding.

Wiz: They have even been known to trample and injure others in rabid zerg rushes.

Boomstick: That's it! I'm done, Wiz! I... I can't go on in this world when this... this is what is popular!

Wiz: Also, several of these "Beliebers" are so crazy, sometimes they even try to hurt Bieber

In one concert, a fan hurled a water bottle at Bieber, traumatizing him for life and inflicting a fear of thrown objects.

To capitalize on this, another audience started chucking so much crap, he refused to perform.

Once, he even got into a fistfight with an older man who attacked him, and he threatens paparazzi in his spare time.

He will not hesitate to use force on even his most loyal fans.

Boomstick: Well, I guess that gives him one good redeeming quality at least.

Wiz: Yet despite all the crap he gets, he still gets on stage to give a show.

Boomstick: A horrible, horrible life-scarring show.

*Gunshots*

Wiz: Feel better?

Boomstick: (chuckles) Yep.

Wiz: Rebecca Black's mother paid $4,000 to have Ark Music Factory create a music video starring her daughter.

The single, "Friday", received more than 160,000,000 views in mere months, making Rebecca a viral star

for what is considered the worst song ever made.

Boomstick: For $4,000, I can come up with a better song than that crap!

Wiz: Though Black is an early riser, she seems to have an extreme case of ADHD.

She cannot focus on one thing for very long. While waiting for the bus to go to School,

she completely forgot what she was doing and wound up going to a party with her friends

seeing them drive by, skipping class in the process.

Boomstick: Whoa, that kid looks way too young to be driving!

wiz: She is also incredibly indecisive. She can't even figure out where to sit.

Boomstick: But when she finally makes up her mind, she makes the worst possible choice.

Wiz: Instead of sitting in the car like a normal person, she stands in the back seat, even while, quote-unquote,

"cruising down the highway". Keep in mind, the average speed limit of a highway in the Unites States is 60mph.

Boomstick: This chick is crazy!

Wiz: Recently, she was betrayed by her own mentor, AKA Fat Usher, when he tried charging viewers to watch

the "Friday" video. In response, Black claimed copyright and took the video down.

Boomstick: Yeah, good use of $4,000 there.

Wiz: She also enjoys a big bowl of cereal every morning and was nominated for MTV's favorite animated GIF award.

Boomstick: If that's a real award, I need my own Boomstick GIF, stat!

Wiz: But the worst is yet to come. Rebecca Black is a "Belieber".

Boomstick: ...What?

Wiz: Justin Bieber is her idol.

Boomstick: Ahh, goddamnit!

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

Boomstick: Oh, by the way, to make things a little more... uh, Interesting, I've scattered random weapons all over the arena.

Wiz: ...What?-

Boomstick: Quiet Wiz it's time for the ad.

Boomstick: Gamefly's the biggest online game rental service with over 7,000 games.

Boomstick: You can rent up to four games at a time for only... Uh, how much wiz?

Wiz: 15.95 a month.

Boomstick: That's like nothing! And there's no late fees or due dates and shipping is always free!

Wiz: Plus if you like a game you can keep it at a heavly discounted price.

Wiz: Help support the death battle show by starting a 15 day free trail at gamefly.com/deathbattle.

Boomstick: But first... it's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!!

Anouncer: And now ladies and gentlemen Miley Cyrus!

M-M-M-MONSTER K.O.!

Boomstick: We just set a Death Battle record!

Wiz: Not only did Bieber and Black take each other out, but also Miley Cyrus,

the Jonas Brothers and some poor 13 year old driver. While Bieber's famed fear of thrown objects kept him at a distance,

Black's indecisiveness and daredevil recklessness ruined any chance she had.

Boomstick: I dunno, Wiz. At least Rebecca turned him into roadkill before giving the wall a face high-five.

Wiz: A face high... what? Black did a horrific job!

Boomstick: Well, let's let the audience decide on who sucked the most.

Wiz: Leave a comment detailing who you think was the most pathetic.

Boomstick: This fight really popped! Y-You know, 'cause... they're pop stars and... they blew up...

Wiz: This battle is a draw.

Boomstick: Next time ooooon Death Battle.