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Boomstick: Cyborgs are fucking badass!

Wiz: As someone with my own cybernetic arm that suffers constant glitches, I have to agree!

Wiz: Cyborgs are awesome.

Boomstick: Like Fulgore, the metal monster of Killer Instinct.

Wiz: And Sektor, the ninja cyborg from Mortal Kombat.

Boomstick: Totally should've been Cyrax.

Boomstick: Ahh!!! What the hell?!

Wiz: Oh, sorry. Arm's glitching up again.

Boomstick: When you least expect it, Wiz.

Boomstick: When you least expect it.

Wiz: I'm Wizard, and he's Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...

A Death Battle.

Wiz: In the dystopian world of Killer Instinct, there are no governments, no courts, no nations.

Wiz: There is only, the Mega Corporation that controls the earth.

Boomstick: Walmar...*ehem* ULTRATECH!

Wiz: To titan his iron grip even further,

Wiz: Ultratech's chairman plotted to build an army of cybernetic enforcers.

Wiz: Thus, he created the deadly sadistic prototype known as Fulgore.

Boomstick: Fulgore!

Boomstick: Now there's a name that will strike fear into your enemies.

Boomstick: Just saying it gives me chills.

Boomstick: Standing 6 feet 5 inches, with over 500 lbs of reinforced steel,

Boomstick: Fulgore is a brutal killing machine!

All while rocking a stylish ponytail.

Boomstick: Stephen Seagal would be proud.

Wiz: Actually, to dupe people into trusting their cyborgs,

Wiz: Ultratech cleverly designed Fulgore to look the part of an honorable knight.

Wiz: Helmet plume included.

Boomstick: Call it what you want, Wiz.

Boomstick: That's a ponytail.

Wiz: Before testing the prototype even began,

Wiz: Ultratech had sold over 15 Million Fulgore units worldwide!

Wiz: And, if 'Robocop's ED' to 'Anonymous' told us anything, that's a bad idea.

Boomstick: Someone finally had the bright idea to see if this thing even worked.

Boomstick: And entered Fulgore into Ultratech's annual Killer Instinct tournament.

Wiz: Sure enough, there was a major problem.

Wiz: Fulgore's mechanical body was so advanced,

Wiz: Ultratech's top scientists could not create an artificial intelligence that could operate it efficiently.

Boomstick: Fulgore needed the mind of a true fighting spirit.

Boomstick: Enter Eagle, the older brother of current K.I. combatant, Chief Thunder!

Wiz: Eagle had entered a previous K.I. tournament, and won!

Wiz: He used his newfound fame to publicly protest the evils of Ultratech.

Wiz: The people rallied, talk of revolution began to seed.

Boomstick: But then, some guy at Ultratech,

Boomstick: probably the dude who wanted to TEST Fulgore,

Boomstick: was like, "HEY! Let's kill Eagle,"

Boomstick: "stop his revolution,"

Boomstick: "then rip out his brain and drop it in our robot!"

Boomstick: Then, Eagle mysteriously disappeared,

Boomstick: Fulgore started kicking ass,

Boomstick: and that guy probably got a promotion.

Wiz: With the implanted mind of Eagle, Fulgore effortlessly smashed through foe after foe.

Wiz: However, Eagle still lived somewhere within.

Wiz: Constantly fighting to overcome his malicious programming, and horribly ironic situation.

Boomstick: Fulgore draws from Eagle's traditional 'Okichitaw Fighting Style.'

Boomstick: Which crosses Judo, Taekwondo, and Hapkido, with short range blades.

Wiz: Like his quad plasma claws.

Wiz: Which can cut through almost any metal with temperatures over 30,000 degrees Fahrenheit!

Boomstick: In addition, he's equipped with everything a bad-ass killer cyborg should have.

Boomstick: Plasma Storm fireballs!

Boomstick: A Reflector to bounce back projectiles!

Boomstick: A...Cyber Port...

Boomstick: A Cloaking device, and Laser Eyes for flare!

Wiz: And when his foe's time grows short,

Wiz: Fulgore uses one of 4 overwhelming finishers, called 'No Mercies.'

Boomstick: I don't even...where was he keeping that?!

Boomstick: And how can he see where he's aiming?

Wiz: Fulgore's strength is staggering.

Wiz: But, where does all this power come from?

Wiz: Hidden within his armor chassis, is...

Boomstick: That Giant F***ng Turret, somehow!!!

Wiz: ...a nuclear reactor.

Wiz: Which powers everything at his disposal.

Wiz: Fulgore can manually overclock this reactor, increasing it's charge multiple times.

Boomstick: At max charge, he gains a massive power increase!

Boomstick: Doubling his speed, and allowing him to fire A Giant Laser of Doom!

Boomstick: The Devastation Beam!

Boomstick: With something like that, he's gotta be unstoppable.

Wiz: Almost, until he met the warrior monk, Jago, who literally tore him appart.

Wiz: Despite the dismemberment, Ultratech still had plans for their mechanical butcher.

Wiz: He was rebuilt, stronger, faster, and reprogrammed with a new mission...

Wiz: "Find and kill his rival, Jago."

Wiz: A mission Fulgore never completed.

Boomstick: He came so close!

Boomstick: But then the little wuss called in his god-slaying sister Orchid, and double-teamed him into destruction.

Boomstick: Still, Fulgore is a monster! Annihilating anyone who gets in his way!

Well, nearly anyone. ...bitch.

KI Announcer: UUUUUULLLLTRRAAAAAAA-COMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Wiz: Earth was in grave danger.

Wiz: The inter-dimensional overlord Shao Kahn, was one victory away from conquering the human world.

Boomstick: In order to stack up with Khan's invading monsters, the grandmaster of the Lin Kuei clan of assassins came up with a plan so crazy, it just might work.

Wiz: "Let's turn all of our ninjas into robots!"

Boomstick: That guy is my fucking hero.

Wiz: Thus, the Cyber Initiative was created.

The first and only willing member of the Lin Kuei to undergo the mechanization was the grandmaster's own son, Sektor.

Boomstick: Who names their kid Sektor?!

It's like, the day his child was born, he's like:

"I'm gonna give you this cool cyber name just in case I ever pull off my crazy as shit plan to turn everyone I know into robots!"

Sektor: I will show no mercy!

Wiz: Sektor was already an unrivaled assassin and master of Ninjitsu, Sambo and Kenpo.

Boomstick: As a cyborg, he's all that plus extra armor and a never-ending supply of missiles.

Wiz: Why would a ninja, master of the silent kill, use a missile launcher?!

Boomstick: He's also got two flamethrowers on his wrists, a cloaking device,

a laser pistol, a teleporting rocket punch and lightsabers.

Wiz: They're actually called Pulse Blades.

Boomstick: They're definitely lightsabers.

Sweet, royalty-free lightsabers.

Wiz: To close a kill, Sektor finishes foes with a brutal Fatality.

Like the Robo-Sek, Missile Strike or the Compactor.

Boomstick: Okay, how do these robo guys keep all this impossible shit in their chests?! Do they have black holes for hearts or something?!

Wiz: Regardless of the storage quandary, Sektor's compactor can crush a human being in mere seconds.

At minimum, crushing an entire human body into paste requires nearly two tons of pressure.

The new Sektor proved invaluable, aiding Shao Kahn in multiple Mortal Kombat tournaments against the defenders of humanity.

And after Kahn discovered a loophole around the tournament's rules, Sektor lead the Lin Kuei in the invasion of Earthrealm.

Boomstick: But despite the sheer badassery of being a robo-ninja, not everybody wanted to do it.

Wiz: Fearing the loss of mind and soul, a few Lin Kuei managed to escape.

Sektor was tasked with hunting these traitors and dragging them back to the grandmaster, dead or alive.

The list of defectors included a young ninja named Sub-Zero.

Boomstick: Mecha-Sektor was nearly unstoppable.

He slaughtered the clan's enemies by the dozens without so much as batting a robo-eye.

But no matter how hard he tried, he could never take down that poster boy Sub-Zero.

Wiz: Until Raiden reset the timeline and practically gift-wrapped him.

However, Sektor's transformation was not perfect.

While his cybernetics enhanced his body, they had a different effect on his mind.

In just a few years, Sektor unravelled, tumbling deeper and deeper into an unescapable well of insanity.

Mad with power, Sektor murdered his own father, intending to take the title of grandmaster for himself.

Boomstick: Until Sub-Zero showed up and totally ninja'd that shit, and then kicked him out of the Lin Kuei for good.

Bummer.

Wiz: Sektor was alone, his only companions the twisted voices in his head.

Eventually, he managed to found his own clan of cyber-warriors, the Tekunin.

Sektor now roams the realms, hungry for Mortal Kombat.

*Boomstick sings the Mortal Kombat theme*

Smoke: You actually did it. You're a cyborg!

Sektor: We are the Lin Kuei, more stealthful than the night.

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

Boomstick: DEATH BATTLE!

FIGHT!

KI Announcer: BRUTAL COMBO!

HYPER!

C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

ULTRAAAA COMBOOOOOOOOOO!

K.O!

Boomstick: Yep, Devastation Beam lives up to its name.

Wiz: This was a close one.

With his ninja abilities, Sektor could easily outmaneuver Fulgore's bulk.

But Fulgore had the edge in every other category.

He had more options for defensive, close and long-ranged combat.

Being almost twice as big, his size and strength surmounted Sektor's.

And whenever Sektor DID get an upper hand, Fulgore simply overclocked his reactor to compensate.

Boomstick: And while neither of them have successfully defeated their rivals,

Sektor has been humiliated by Sub-Zero over and over.

But Fulgore would've won his second duel with Jago if Orchid hadn't stepped in.

Wiz: It took the combined might of two demigod killers to take Fulgore down.

Boomstick: In the end, Sektor got ro-blown up!

Wiz: The winner is Fulgore.

Boomstick: Next time on DEATH BATTLE!

*Godzilla roars*