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  • Wiz: With the dragon slain and the princess rescued, the hero revels in gold, glory and cake

  • Boomstick: But they couldn't have done it without a little help

  • Wiz: The Sidekick. The people's champion would be lost without his Player Two.

  • Such as Luigi, Mario's younger brother.

  • Boomstick: And Tails the fox, Sonic's deformed, flying stalker.

  • Wiz: Now we have already proven that standard Mario and Sonic series' powerups perfectly counter each other

  • so --- to not waste time --- we're giving these second-strings only what is unique to them.

  • Boomstick: He's Whiz and I'm Boomstick

  • Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons,

  • armour, and skills to find out who would win a death battle.

  • *Classic Mario theme plays*

  • Wiz: After clobbering Koopas, besting Bowser, and saving the princess

  • who gets all the credit?

  • Boomstick: Mario, of course! Leaving his lanky brother with rejected sloppy seconds.

  • Wiz: No doubt Luigi has it rough. Despite being born as one of the seven Star Children destined for greatness,

  • it's not easy being second fiddle to the most popular character in video game history,

  • Yet he doesn't seem to mind.

  • Like a good sidekick, Luigi exists only to help Mario, never asking for his own slice of the cake.

  • Boomstick: So, he's pretty much a slave.

  • Wiz: In a way... but this devotion makes him the perfect teammate,

  • helping to save the Mushroom Kingdom time and time again.

  • Boomstick: What did Mario do to him to make him so obedient?

  • He's got to have some serious dirt from their childhood.

  • Wiz: Luigi may take subordination to an extreme but he's no pushover.

  • In fact, he's not only taller than Mario, but also faster and more athletic

  • He can jump over 6 feet higher

  • Plus, after studying Yoshi's superb jumping ability, Luigi developed his own variant of the dinosaur's floating technique -

  • the Scuttle Jump.

  • Boomstick: His abilities don't end with the mid-air hustle

  • Luigi has plenty of powerful attacks,

  • each of which, if pulled off perfectly, increase their damage for quick KOs

  • The spinning Luigi Cyclone, the rocketing Green Missile, and the Super Jump Punch

  • which can send his foe up in the air so high they never come back down!

  • Wiz: In addition, he has numerous powerups at his disposal

  • including his trusty hammer and the Vanish Power Flower which makes him invisible and intangible.

  • Luigi could be next to you, watching you... right now...

  • Boomstick: Ugh, stop that! He was trained by the Thunder God himself in the powerful Thunder Hand Technique.

  • With this he can shoot lightning at his foes or at deadly soccer balls.

  • Wiz: And after spending so much time in Mario's shadow, Luigi has somehow gained

  • the ability to manipulate some sort of negative energy.

  • Boomstick: Remember when Mario Bros. was about running around and jumping on turtles?

  • Anyway, you were saying something about physics breaking time energy or whatever?

  • Wiz: Luigi's Negative Zone can devastate a nearby opponent.

  • Its effects are random but unavoidable,

  • ranging from sudden dizziness to uncontrollable tripping over absolutely nothing.

  • Boomstick: But when Luigi wants real firepower, he busts out the Poltergust 5000 -

  • a handy vacuum cleaner which can somehow kill ghosts.

  • It can kill that which is already dead.

  • Wiz: He ain't afraid of no ghosts!

  • *Luigi screams in fright*

  • Wiz: Scratch that. He's afraid of all ghosts, bugs, water, flowers, the sun...

  • Luigi is a coward and doesn't even try to hide it.

  • Granted, his fears are usually justified...

  • Usually.

  • Boomstick: He's also pretty clumsy, which you'd think would make a terrible combination.

  • But like the Chinese drunken master style,

  • Luigi harnesses awkwardness to make himself even more vicious.

  • He's more powerful than he seems, murdering Goombas and Koopas by the hundreds every day!

  • *audience cheers*

  • *Boomstick laughs*

  • Before we go any further, I'd like to point out that the Unmaking Cannon belongs to a bunch of children.

  • "Is it bedtime now, mom?" *Explosion*

  • No more parents!

  • Wiz: Even without it, Luigi has defeated Dimentio,

  • discovered the Grand Finale Galaxy, raised a ravenous man-eating dinosaur

  • and even rescued Mario from certain doom on three separate occasions.

  • The Green Thunder can pretty much do it all.

  • Boomstick: Luigi is one mean, green fighting machine.

  • Luigi: I do it!

  • Luigi: Oh-ho! *hums*

  • *thud* Oopsie!

  • Tails: All systems go. Full speed ahead!

  • Wiz: Born the very same day Dr. Eggman began

  • his robot-powered takeover of the world, Miles Prower -

  • *Boomstick laughs*

  • Boomstick: I get it! Miles Per-Hour!

  • Creativity like that is why Sega is still making consoles

  • Wiz: Ahem. Miles was awkwardly born with two tails.

  • Mere minutes after being welcomed into the world, Eggman's deadly forces made Miles Prower an orphan

  • Boomstick: Whoa. That's - that's pretty fucked up.

  • Wiz: Eight years later - and after some much-needed counselling -

  • Miles stumbled upon a broken-down biplane

  • and happily repaired the whole vehicle on his own.

  • Boomstick: Well, of course! Just like all walking, talking adolescent two-tailed foxes can.

  • Anyway, turns out the airplane happened to belong to Miles' personal idol, Sonic the Hedgehog.

  • Sonic: What are you doing?

  • Boomstick: Why Sonic needed a plane in the first place is beyond me, but whatever.

  • Wiz: It was Sonic who first suggested that Miles' birth defects could be used to fly by spinning like helicopter blades.

  • Which is obviously impossible as they could never create lift (stammering) -

  • WHAT?

  • Boomstick: And so Sonic gave his rotary ass the oh-so-obvious nickname he deserved - "Tails".

  • Wiz: Well, that's stupid. That's like if you were named Boomstick because you just liked shotguns.

  • Boomstick: Don't be fucking ridiculous, Wizard.

  • Anyways, aside from flight, Tails's copter-butt blades are strong enough to bust metal

  • and he can use them like the turbine of an engine to keep up with Sonic's super fast speeds.

  • He can almost reach the speed of sound.

  • Wiz: Tails pledged himself to Sonic's freedom fighting cause against Dr. Eggman

  • and the two quickly became friends, almost like brothers.

  • They also shared a sort of teacher-student relationship

  • although it wasn't always clear who was the student.

  • Boomstick: It was Tails who invented the famous Spin Dash, not the speedy hedgehog.

  • Wiz: Tails is a genius and a master mechanic.

  • Boomstick: He's so much smarter than Sonic that he actually learned how to swim!

  • Whiz: He has built several planes and combat mechs and has numerous gadgets on hand,

  • like the Projectile Ring, which can pull or latch onto objects almost like a grappling hook.

  • Boomstick: But despite being a super geek, he really likes to blow shit up.

  • He carries a huge supply of bombs:

  • big bombs, napalm bombs, remote bombs, flash bang grenades, bombs shaped like magic rings,

  • bombs shaped like mice, bombs shaped like your mother, you name it, he's got a bomb like it!

  • Wiz: He also wields the Magic Hand,

  • a long-range comical punching weapon,

  • and the Energy Ball Arm Cannon.

  • Boomstick: Which is ripped straight out of Mega Man.

  • He built all this himself but never a device to breathe underwater!

  • Kinda dropped the ball there, sidekick.

  • Wiz: Unlike Sonic's speed blitzing battle style, Tails relies on logic and tactics in a fight.

  • His Shield Bot fortifies his defenses and his Medi Bot heals wounds over time.

  • Boomstick: But he's a total wimp.

  • He can't fly forever and if Sonic is not around to hold his hand, he's scared of pretty much everything.

  • After a good thunder clap, you'll find him shivering his spinny ass off in the bathtub.

  • Sonic: Right. We should hurry. *thunder claps*

  • *Tails screams* Tails: I'm afraid of lightning!

  • Wiz: Well, he is only 11 years old,

  • and the feats he's accomplished at his age are beyond impressive,

  • like being able to run 100 miles per hour without his tails,

  • stopping a nuclear missile, and saving the multiverse by transforming into...

  • Uh...

  • Boomstick: Don't do steroids, kids.

  • Whiz: Alright. The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all!

  • Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BAAAATTTLE!

  • Tails: Hey!

  • Luigi : Lets a go!

  • Announcer: FIGHT

  • Tails: Heah!

  • Luigi: Mama mia!

  • Luigi: Ayayayay!

  • Tails: Whoa.

  • Luigi: Yikes!

  • Luigi: Woa Woa Woa Woah!

  • Luigi: Heahh...

  • Luigi: Waaaahhhh! Woah! Woah! Woah!

  • Luigi:(thinks)Hmmm... Hey!

  • Luigi: Woaaahhhhhh!

  • Luigi: Whoa!

  • Tails: Waaaah!

  • Luigi: Luigi got ya!

  • Tails:

  • Luigi: Hello?

  • Luigi: Nyeeh?

  • Tails: Aaahhh!

  • Luigi Ahhahh oho oooh ooh!

  • Boomstick: Well, there goes the year of Luigi!

  • Wiz: While Luigi technically has more combat experience

  • and has survived being Nintendo's whipping boy,

  • Tails' skills and arsenal were more than the green-capped plumber could handle.

  • Boomstick: His training with Sonic makes him faster,

  • and his superior mobility gave him complete control over the battlefield.

  • Whiz: Also, he has an outrageous IQ of 300,

  • which is about as much as Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking combined!

  • Boomstick: Tails is stronger too.

  • He can move 10 tons while Luigi struggles to lift a large radish.

  • Whiz: And Tails' gadgets more than make up for any of his weaknesses.

  • Boomstick: Looks like Luigi was outfoxed.

  • Whiz: The winner is Miles "Tails" Prower.

  • Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle

  • Whiz: Have an idea for a Death Battle? Let us know in the comments below

  • Boomstick: And don't forget to like the video, subscribe, then show it to your friends

  • Whiz: Thanks for watching

Wiz: With the dragon slain and the princess rescued, the hero revels in gold, glory and cake