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  • A ScrewAttack presentation...With subtitles

  • Wiz: Some of the greatest heroes of all time are SHUNNED by the very people they continue to protect...

  • Boomstick: Basically, the worst deal ever...

  • Wiz: ...like Beast, the Blue Genius of the X-Men...

  • Boomstick: and Goliath, the Gargoyle who gives new meaning to the phrase "tough as stone"!

  • He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick...

  • Wiz: ...and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE???

  • [Slam]

  • Wiz: Mutation, the key to evolution.

  • Wiz: The process is slow, normally taking thousands of years, but every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward.

  • Boomstick: If that means we're all eventually gonna transform into blue hairy monkey men, count me out.

  • Wiz: Feared by most normal people, mutants generally begin to show signs of their "uniqueness" around puberty.

  • Wiz: Not so for Hank McCoy.

  • Boomstick: Yeah... The instant he popped out, it was pretty clear that something was different about him.

  • Boomstick: Namely the giant monkey hands and feet! Woo! That must have been rough on the way out.

  • Boomstick: He better give dear old mom double the presents on Mother's Day.

  • Wiz: Though Hank successfully hid his mutation from the world throughout his adolescent life...

  • Wiz: ...he was eventually discovered and shunned.

  • Wiz: Constantly harassed and eventually kicked out of his own school, he was left to wallow in loneliness.

  • Boomstick: Until good old Wheels showed up and offered him a place on the mutant group known as the X-Men.

  • Boomstick: Hank took on the nickname that was previously used to degrade him, and transformed it into something new: His codename, "The Beast"!

  • [X-Men music]

  • Boomstick: As an X-Man, Beast became an integral member of this uncanny team.

  • Boomstick: His superhuman strength, speed, and durability let him go toe-to-toe with baddies like The "Immovable" Blob, and Kraven the Hunter.

  • Wiz: But Beast was a genius, like yours truly, and quickly completed his doctoral studies.

  • Wiz: Eventually leaving the X-Men, he became a leading researcher in mutant genetics.

  • Wiz: Desperate to "cure" the mutant phenomenon, Beast developed a serum which he theorized would temporarily counteract the mutated genes in his body.

  • Boomstick: Except it kind of did the opposite.

  • Boomstick: Poor guy, now he truly was a beast.

  • Boomstick: His transformation wasn't all bad though...

  • Boomstick: Fuzzy Beast could outlift over 10 tons, run over 40 miles per hour, and jump over 25 feet in the air!

  • Wiz: He also had a wicked healing factor, which made him essentially bullet proof.

  • Wiz: But this was nerfed dramatically from healing instantaneously, to over a couple of hours when Quasimodo's experiments turned him blue.

  • Boomstick: For a scientific genius, he never did quite figure out how to turn back to his old self.

  • Boomstick: I mean, he's been able to turn into a Cat-Man, a Horse-Man, Blue Kelsey Grammer, and even Sasquatch.

  • Boomstick: Somehow, he always ends up as his classic, blue ape self.

  • Wiz: Now unable to hide in plain site, The Beast had little choice but to return to the X-Men as a teacher, and a leader.

  • "As my research makes evident, it is possible to enhance the intelligence of Mullusca Cephalopoda."

  • "Such as the squid, to the same level as that of the average human."

  • "Even a little... above average."

  • "I'm afraid I must leave early, so I'll hand you over to my new teaching assistant, Mr. Cephalopod."

  • *Laughter*

  • "Calm down everyone!"

  • "Now, where were we?"

  • "Ah yes, the neurological aspects of cognitive intelligence."

  • "Were there any questions, hmm?"

  • Boomstick: Beast isn't just a genius. He's also a ridiculously strong fighter.

  • He has survived hits from the Juggernaut, smashed open a tank with his bare fists...

  • ...and hit the ground with a punch so hard, he created an Earth shattering shockwave!

  • AND LIFTED A SOLID GOLD OAK TREE!

  • Wiz: A cubic foot of Gold weighs approximately 1 ton.

  • Comparing the diameter of the tree to Hank's height, it's reasonable to believe that this golden tree weighs at least 60 tons.

  • Boomstick: Or a "shitton" to be precise.

  • Wiz: Despite his athletic skill and enormous strength, Beast is a pacifist, preferring diplomacy over fisticuffs.

  • He is rarely eager to enter a fight.

  • In combat, he usually relies on his teammates to throw punches while he holds back to come up with game winning strategies using his brilliant mind.

  • Like the time he figured out how to use Juggernaut's own bulk against him.

  • "As Archimedes said when he discovered the principle of displacement..."

  • "Eureka!"

  • Boomstick: But when he gets angry, he'll enter a rage which makes him so uncontrollably fierce, he's a danger even to his closest friends.

  • Literally unleashing the beast within!

  • Wiz: Beast's monstrous appearance remained a permanent part of his life.

  • He was never truly accepted by society.

  • And even had to leave the woman he loved for fear she would become a target of mutant haters.

  • Boomstick: But if he could have his way, he would spend his days hanging from the ceiling with a nice cup of tea reading Shakespeare.

  • But we don't always get what we want, so he'll have to settle for kicking ass!

  • "Faint heart, perverted feet and many a tear in our opposed path to persevere."

  • "A minor poet for a minor obstacle."

  • [Wham]

  • Wiz: 1000 years ago, superstition had soared..

  • It was a time of darkness, it was a world of fear...

  • It was the age... of gargoyles.

  • AND badass cartoon intros!

  • Wiz: Stone by day, warriors by night...

  • ...gargoyles used to be common throughout the world.

  • Like the stone statues they inspired, gargoyles were known as protectors.

  • Guarding their home and those inside were always their top priority!

  • Boomstick: It's not every day your garden statue is also your top bill bodyguard!

  • Then I would have a shitload more lawn gnomes!

  • Wiz: In the year 994 AD, a clan of gargoyles formed a symbiotic relationship with the humans of a Scottish castle.

  • Using their superhuman strength, keen senses & fierce spirit, the gargoyles defended the castle from invaders at night...

  • ...in return, their human allies would watch over them during the day when they are most vulnerable.

  • As gargoyles turn to solid stone in daylight.

  • The Gargoyles were led by Goliath: an creature with an voice so sexy, it makes humans turn to stone!

  • If you know what I'm sayin'...

  • "YOU are trespassing."

  • Wiz: Unfortunately, due to their beastly appearance, Goliath's clan eventually faced unjust prejudice from the very humans under their protection.

  • "We are most seriously displeased to allow BEASTS in the dining hall."

  • "These are unnatural creatures. No good can come from associating with them."

  • Boomstick: If that wasn't bad enough, Goliath was betrayed by his closest human friend.

  • Causing nearly his ENTIRE clan to be smashed to bits!

  • Then the few that did survive were magically sealed in stone FOREVER by an misinformed wizard!

  • Talk about an shitty Monday!

  • Sealed in stone forever... or until one very specific, seemly impossible criteria was met!

  • "The terms of the spell depict that they would sleep... until the castle rises above the clouds."

  • Wiz: And when he says "above the clouds", he means it literally!

  • So... stone they remained for an thousand years until in 1994-

  • SOME billionaire with a name that sounds like a anti-depressant just happened to be crazy enough to try something!

  • Boomstick: Xanthos moved EVERY last stone of the ancient castle to the top of his New York skyscraper...

  • ...which happens to poke above the clouds!

  • The cost of which must been astronomical...

  • "Don't disappoint me..."

  • (thunder cracks repeatedly)

  • (stone cracking)

  • (beastly growling)

  • Goliath: "RRROOOOAAAAHHH!!!!!"

  • Wiz: The curse was broken, the gargoyles awoke once again and Goliath was tasked with leading his clan into the modern world...

  • Despite being completely out of his element, Goliath adapted surprisedly fast!

  • Boomstick: You mean, he was texting and watching cat videos in no time?!

  • No, this was the 90's.

  • OHHH, so he wore crazy-colored clothing and used nonsensical description words like "Bodacious" "Radical!" or...

  • "AHH, haleopiyah."

  • "Haleopiyah..."

  • "Haleopiyah."

  • "Haleopiyah!"

  • "Haleopiyah..."

  • "Haleopiyah?"

  • "Haleopiyah!"

  • "HAL...HALEOPI....!"

  • Damnit!

  • Wiz: Turns out, Goliath was naturally suited to traverse the broad expanse of the city with his enormous wings.

  • Though to be clear, Goliath insists that he can't fly; only glide on a whim.

  • Boomstick: Which I insist is BULLshit! What else would you call what's happening right here other than friggin' flying!?

  • Regardless of wind direction and speed, it seems Goliath has no trouble "gliding" wherever he wants to go.

  • He only has issues taking off from the ground, requiring an elevated point to start from...

  • Good thing he can scale giant skyscrapers from ground level without breaking an sweat!

  • Goliath is strong enough to lift a car, create a small earthquake and tear through steel with his bare claws like it was wet paper!

  • He's fast enough to keep pace with foes using rocket-powered flight...

  • ...and he's tough enough to survive an fall over 100 feet!

  • He was even able to keep "gliding" after being shot by an Nazi plane machine gun while fighting in World War II.

  • He traveled through time.. it was weird...

  • Goliath may look like a brutal monster (and he certainly can be when he goes into a rage)...

  • ...however, he's actually rather clever and wise.

  • He was able to outsmart Oberon who is practically an all-powerful, magical god.

  • And when Goliath's not leading his clan into battle or struggling to have a relationship with a human detective...

  • BOUNDARIES!!

  • ...he is usually holed up in his castle's library reading.

  • Wise & powerful, Goliath is a true force of nature... for 12 hours a day.

  • Wiz: Right... the other 12, he is a motionless stone statue.

  • Making him an pretty easy target!

  • Even when he's awake, Goliath often puts himself in danger for the sake of others, regardless of the risk.

  • Boomstick: Hey, he's managed to survive for over a thousand years and believe me when I say...

  • ...you do NOT want to be on this gargoyle's bad side!

  • "My name is Goliath. And I belong to no one!"

  • "STOP whining!"

  • "A Gargoyle doesn't whine."

  • "HE RROOAAARRRSSS!!!"

  • Alright, the combatants are set!

  • Let's end this debate once and for all!

  • It's time for a Death BBAAATTTTLLLLEEEE!!!

  • (stone crackling)

  • (BBBOOOMMM!!)

  • (Goliath roars)

  • Fight!!

  • RRYYAAARRR...!

  • (ROARING)

  • "COME ONNN!!"

  • GGrrr..

  • (Goliath roaring)

  • K.O!!

  • They never show ya that shit on 90's cartoons!

  • Wiz: Beast & Goliath were pretty even in terms of strength and speed, making this more so a battle of wits and experience.

  • Beast was always more of a team-player, preferring to not fight directly unless absolutely necessarily.

  • And since Goliath spent decades defending his ancient castle and New York from Vikings, thugs, magic beings and ghosts...

  • ...his combat experience trumped Beast's!

  • Also, be careful not to misinterpret Beast's golden tree feat.

  • While it might sound far more impressive than anything Goliath has done...

  • ...Beast did not actually lift the WHOLE 60+ ton tree off the ground!

  • It's nothing surpassing his usual feats.

  • Boomstick: And one time, Goliath got nailed in the back by an anti-aircraft round.

  • That's right... Goliath got SHOT by a gun designed to destroy airplanes...

  • ...got back up and dropped a radio tower on the fools who tried it!

  • Wiz: And Beast didn't wait 'til sunrise for a advantage for two reasons: one, he didn't know what will happen because gargoyles in his universe...

  • ...don't share the "stone by day" rule.

  • And second, Beast isn't tough enough to stand against Goliath for 12 hours straight.

  • Finally, Beast has fought somebody similar to Goliath named the Gremlin and only survived the fight due to his fellow X-Man, Angel, to help him.

  • In the end... Beast just didn't have the heart to keep up with the gargoyle.

  • The Winner... is Goliath!

  • Next time onn Death Battle...

  • "It's Showtime!"

  • Hey, guys! Thanks for watching! I'm Ben, I play Wiz.

  • And I'm Chad, I play Boomstick.

  • And uh... next time on Death Battle, Soild Snake!

  • We had Snake requested over and over and over again for YEARS!

  • And actually... we received different votes for matchups.

  • Wanna see, guys, who he's fighting? Make sure to go and follow our social media page wherever it's @screwattack on Twitter or Facebook.com/OfficalSA.

  • 'Cause we're announcing his combatant... very soon.

  • But in the meantime, be sure to check out the latest Game Overthinker!

  • And... the latest Desk of Death Battle which is all about how Tony Stark's brain tumor once saved the world!

  • That one's SO ridiculous, you have to watch it...

  • So, you know, thanks for watching Death Battle! We hope you enjoyed the episode and if you do, be sure to like, subscribe and tell all your friends about it!

  • And we'll see you guys next time!

  • Later!!

A ScrewAttack presentation...With subtitles

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B2 中高級

野獸VS巨人(漫威VS巨龍)|死亡之戰! (Beast VS Goliath (Marvel VS Gargoyles) | DEATH BATTLE!)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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