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  • [Title] Screwattack: News. Trailers. Originals. Community.

  • (Cue: Invader- Jim Johnston)

  • [Wiz] Kaiju- the Japanese word for...

  • [Boomstick] A giant monster that destroys everything around it! Like Godzilla: The King of the Monsters...

  • Wiz: ...and Gamera, the Guardian of the Universe!

  • Despite being box office rivals for half a century, these two enormous creatures have never met... until today.

  • Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

  • Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

  • The year was 1954, less than a decade after Little Boy and Fatman had decimated Japan.

  • Boomstick: The nuclear age had begun.

  • Wiz: As the United States tested their shiny new hydrogen bombs across the Pacific, one of them woke something up.

  • (Godzilla roars)

  • Boomstick: Godzilla, the radioactive rampaging savior/destroyer of Japan.

  • (Godzilla roars)

  • Wiz: Mutated by nuclear energy, Godzilla stands over 300 feet tall and weighs 90 thousand tons.

  • He is an unstoppable force of nature.

  • Boomstick: And for some reason, Godzilla has made Japan his personal playground and has been stomping through it for 60 years.

  • Man: Couldn't he have picked on some other country?

  • Boardroom: (laughs)

  • Wiz: Godzilla's radioactive mutation leaves everything in his wake contaminated: water, plants, even people.

  • Godzilla's presence alone turns a city block completely uninhabitable.

  • Boomstick: Like that noisy upstairs neighbor or people who let their dog shit in your front lawn.

  • Wiz: But Godzilla does not simply walk past his enemies to destroy them.

  • Boomstick: His strength is insane.

  • He once lifted and threw his arch-rival Keizer Ghidorah, who weighs 100 thousand freakin' tons.

  • Wiz: He channels this strength through his claws, teeth, tail --

  • Boomstick: AND EPIC GRAVITY-DEFYING DROPKICKS!

  • (Godzilla roars)

  • (Godzilla roars)

  • Wiz: Hilarious abilities aside, Godzilla would not be such a legendary kaiju without some serious firepower.

  • He can emit atomic energy from his body for a short-range nuclear pulse.

  • Boomstick: Or fire his signature atomic breath, a goddamn laser beam of pure radiation!

  • That's like microwaving at least a hundred balls of tinfoil!

  • Wiz: Well, give or take a few... million...

  • (Soilders screaming)

  • Boomstick: The atomic breath can melt, burn, or blow up just much anything, and you know it just can't smell good!

  • I mean... that's a lot of fish!

  • Wiz: NO! No, no, no!

  • That right there is Zilla, the bastardized and shamed American version that Toho literally bought the rights to and completely re-branded... just to murder on-screen.

  • Boomstick: (chuckles)

  • Take that, America!

  • Wiz: And that was just the real Godzilla's standard atomic breath.

  • Boomstick: Yep. After absorbing a giant pterodactyl's soul...

  • Oookay...

  • He gained the power to boost his breath to the red Spiral Ray...

  • Wiz: ...an attack so deadly it only took a few blasts to obliterate the more powerful clone of himself, Space Godzilla.

  • Boomstick: What, Space Godzilla?!

  • Wiz: Yes, Space Godzilla is a thing, moving on...

  • Boomstick: Ohh...

  • Wiz: Godzilla's cell structure can quickly regenerate from all manner of wounds, and despite being vulnerable to man-made electricity, he possesses magnetic properties.

  • Like a lightning rod, he can attract thunderbolts from the sky and use nature's power to enhance his own abilities...

  • Or turn himself into a giant living magnet.

  • Boomstick: Magnets... how do they even work?!

  • Well believe it or not, that isn't the weirdest thing that Godzilla can do.

  • If Big G needs to get somewhere quick, he bends over, charges up, and does this...

  • Wiz: Well... at least Japan is... creative?

  • Boomstick: Wait, can that even happen?

  • Wiz: Scaling to the present, to actually lift his body means his atomic breath must have a force of over 328 trillion psi.

  • That's the equivalent of 1 TRILLION riot control fire hoses, enough to wrap around the earth 38 THOUSAND times.

  • Boomstick: Damn!

  • Godzilla has 44 known victories, largely due to his insane durability!

  • He's fallen into a volcano, survived a black hole, and tanked a meteorite point-blank... without a scratch.

  • Wiz: But despite his popular belief, Godzilla is not invincible.

  • His regeneration takes time, his speed is lacking, and despite having two brains, one in his skull and the other where his tail meets his torso, he's pretty darn clumsy.

  • Boomstick: Where were you on that one, Assbrain?

  • Wiz: He officially lost a fight against King Kong and he's even died in four separate films.

  • Boomstick: But Godzilla's victories definitely outweigh his failures. There's a good reason why they call him the "King of the Monsters".

  • (Godzilla roars)

  • Wiz: The year was 1965, the apex of the Space Race.

  • Technology was advancing further and faster than ever before, but no one could've anticipated the bio-engineered marvel hidden beneath the waves.

  • Eons ago, the ancient people of Atlantis learned how to construct life and foolishly decided to play God.

  • (Explosion)

  • Boomstick: But instead of creating something safe like a dog or a bunny, they created giant flying laser-shooting murder birds.

  • Surprise, surprise - they couldn't be controlled, and they turned 100% of Atlantis into ocean front property.

  • Wiz: So what was their solution to counter these giant destructive monsters?

  • Why, ANOTHER giant destructive monster, of course!

  • (Gamera roars)

  • Wiz: Enter Gamera, Guardian of the Universe and Friend to All Children.

  • Kid 1: Hurry, let's go!

  • Kid 2: He won't harm us. Gamera doesn't hurt people. He likes us.

  • Boomstick: "Friend to All Children"? That's a terrible title. How about "Gamera, the flying fire-breathing ninja turtle of doom"?

  • Wiz: That's... actually not far off.

  • For a 260-foot, 10-thousand ton turtle, Gamera is quite agile.

  • Boomstick: And he sticks it!

  • His arsenal includes two huge tusks, twin elbow spikes, and a fire breath so strong it can be used underwater, despite being... you know... fire!

  • Wiz: Technically, it's highly-concentrated plasma, the fourth state of matter.

  • The hottest plasma ever created by man exceeded 3.6 million degrees Fahrenheit.

  • That's hotter than the surface of the sun.

  • Gamera's fire balls can burn through practically anything.

  • Boomstick: And when he's not spitting hot fire, he f*cking eats it!

  • Wiz: It's true. A fiery four-course meal can quickly heal and re-energize him.

  • (Gamera roars)

  • Boomstick: Naturally, as a giant turtle monster, he can retract his limbs and head into his shell for extra defense...

  • (Rockets firing)

  • And then fire rocket jets out of the holes and freakin' fly?!

  • WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS?!

  • And why can't my turtle do that?

  • Some day, Mr. Snappy. Some day...

  • Wiz: Gamera can fly at speeds breaching Mach 3, over 22 hundred miles per hour.

  • That's faster than the world record-holding SR71 Blackbird.

  • Boomstick: But how the hell does he know where he's going, and more importantly, how does he not puke his guts out?

  • Wiz: The Atlanteans built Gamera using mana, an ethereal energy force connecting all things, places, and people.

  • Everything has a finite pool of mana, which can be measured using a... Sega Dreamcast.

  • Boomstick: (sighs) But it still can't play DVD's...

  • Wiz: A person's mana is dependent on how much influence and authority they possess over others.

  • As Gamera literally holds the world's fate in his claws, his mana levels are off the charts.

  • Boomstick: Gamera can manipulate his mana in combat, which is useful when you've lost your arm and need to give your enemy a kaiju-sized Falcon Punch!

  • F*ck yeah!

  • Wiz: And if Gamera ever runs low on mana, he can summon more from the earth itself.

  • (Gamera roars)

  • Boomstick: ...I think he got him.

  • Gamera is fast enough to catch a missile going Mach 10, capable of flying through outer space, and tough enough to survive a nuclear explosion which leveled the entire city of Sendai.

  • Wiz: As Sendai is about 152 miles across, this explosion must have yielded nearly 112 megatons of force.

  • Boomstick: Gamera has a fierce will to fight. No matter how much pain he's in, he'll keep pushing forward for the win.

  • Wiz: And he's not just determined; he's actually quite brilliant.

  • He tactically seeks to exploit enemy weaknesses and is apparently smart enough to repair an alien spacecraft.

  • Boomstick: He does machines...

  • Wiz: But despite his intelligence, he is not infallible.

  • Gamera's supposedly impenetrable defenses have been pierced before.

  • And remember, Gamera is explicitly the Guardian of Earth, which does not necessarily include humanity.

  • In fact, Gamera fears mankind may one day become the Earth's greatest enemy.

  • Boomstick: Ughh, I knew he sounded too good to be true. He's a hippie turtle...

  • Wiz: And yet Gamera has a strange fondness for children.

  • Boomstick: Umm...

  • ? Gamera! Gamera! He will bring kids to his van! Touch them like no other can! Please don't tell on Gamera!?

  • No, really...

  • Wiz: Actually... he's sacrificed his life to save children on multiple occasions.

  • He even used his ultimate self-destruct move all for the safety of innocent children.

  • Boomstick: Oh. That's pretty cool.

  • (Gamera roars)

  • Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all!

  • Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • (Gamera roars)

  • (Godzilla roars)

  • Announcer: FIGHT!

  • (Godzilla roars)

  • (Gamera explodes)

  • (Godzilla roars)

  • KO!

  • Boomstick: Add "Master of the Cullinary Arts" to his title, 'cuz Godzilla just made turtle soup!

  • Wiz: Gamera may have held the speed advantage, but Godzilla's sheer size and power won this bout.

  • Boomstick: He's nine times heavier!

  • Plus, while Gamera tanked a city-busting nuke and almost died, Godzilla tanked a similar explosion from a meteorite and didn't even flinch.

  • Wiz: Gamera's shell was once pierced by Viras, a physically weaker foe.

  • There's no doubt Godzilla could overpower this giant turtle.

  • Boomstick: Hell, he's strong enough to match goddamn Thor, and since Godzilla's atomic breath is composed of pure radiation, not fire, Gamera could not feed off of it.

  • Wiz: But most importantly, Gamera has a history of winning through retreating.

  • He usually takes one round to analyze his foe and another to win the day. On paper, this sounds like a smart idea.

  • Boomstick: But unfortunately for Gamera, Godzilla don't play like that.

  • Looks like Godzilla put Gamera through living... "shell".

  • Wiz: The winner is Godzilla.

  • Boomstick: NEXT TIME ON DEATH BATTLE!

  • Wiz: Have an idea for a DEATH BATTLE? Let us know in the comments below.

  • Boomstick: Like, subscribe & follow and you'll gain my eternal love!

  • And don't forget to click on the pretty pictures all around you so that you can watch more DEATH BATTLE.

  • Wiz: BATTLES... DEATH BATTLES is correct. Thank You For Watching!

  • Boomstick: Shut up Wiz.

[Title] Screwattack: News. Trailers. Originals. Community.

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哥斯拉 VS 加美拉 - 死亡之戰! (Godzilla VS Gamera | DEATH BATTLE!)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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