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Hello.
It's time for me to share one of my most
deepest...
darkest...
saddest...
stories that I ever held inside and not told anyone in over 15 years.
That's right...
I broke my ass.
[very nice music]
It's not something I'm proud of
and I'm only making this video
to make sure that this happens to no one else
I was young, I was foolish
and this could happen to anyone.
Do you know where your Ass is right now?
You have to be aware at all times.
Otherwise, you run the risk of experiencing the same pain
I did long long long ago.
I'm making this video because I made a promise.
In a video a couple years ago, I said I admitted that I broke my Ass.
I'll tell people in the future about this story
and I finally gathered enough courage...
I finally gathered enough strength...
to tell my story about how I broke my Ass.
(Subtitle by *I am HeRe *in description at bottom)
I'd really appreciate if people...
gave me the respect and support for doing this.
It's not easy to talk about
But I will do my best to stay strong throughout this video (??)
When I was 15 in Sweden, I was an awkward, Swedish, weird, under-developed, l- little child...
That's right everyone
I used to be the short kid.
You think I'm insecure about my height for no reason
This has nothing to do with the story.
I'm just giving context.
I didn't like interacting with people.
I would prefer to just sit home and play video games.
I know, the perfect cliché of a nerdy kid.
Nevertheless, during summer,
we didn't have a computer at our summer place.
I had a completely different friend group there.
There was basically -- Internet was non-existent
so I had no other choice but to hang out and socialize with people.
So even though I was a weird awkward kid, two months a year I became a normal Swedish boy
and I became a summer child
and actually went out partying and did all the stuff you do.
So one week during summer,
there's a it's called sailing week, I think,
where everyone or a lot of people rent a boat,
they go sailing and they go from harbor to harbor.
And...
they get drunk and party.
So me and my friends rented a sailing boat all together.
Well, I think- I think I was 15 I don't know exactly how old I was.
But me and my two closest friends,
we rented a boat to do basically just this.
I don't know why my parents thought this was a good idea,
I definitely would not let my kids do (laughing) this.
Especially in mind with what we did.
I'm not gonna go into details...
But I know what you're thinking, "WOW! Felix you have so many amazing talents,
you must be really good at sailing."
Oh yeah, I was actually a sailing instructor at one point.
Not really.
I mean I was the sailing instructor, but I was goddamn awful at sailing.
I really just got the job thanks to my mom.
Thanks, Mom.
I remember the (cackle) during the uh...
So it was basically me and a bunch of really young kids
and then during the beginning of the course,
we asked like who wants to sail with Felix and all the kids went,
"Yeah me me me," and I'm like, "Yay, I'm finally popular with kids."
Kids like me, this is great.
And then at the end of the course, they asked the same question,
"Who wants to stay with Felix today?"
No one, complete silence. No one wanted to sail with me.
All the kids hated me because I wasn't good at sailing and we kept capsizing
and I kept lashing out on all the kids because they sucked at sailing
and how is that my fault? I'm just the instructor. (laughing)
I also won one sailing uh...
Competition once, which wasn't really a sailing competition,
but it's one of those things that I carried with me throughout these 15 years and go.
Yeah, I'm good at sailing.
I'm not good at sailing and I'm willing to admit that.
Nevertheless,
we went sailing me and a couple friends and it was a great time.
We... we party.
HA! G-
And that was it.
The problem is, I get really really really motion sick or seasick.
And anyone that gets seasick,
you know, how awful it is.
It stays with you until you get out of the boat.
It doesn't leave you for all this time
and it seems impossible to get rid of
you just want to die and it's not a good feeling.
I didn't like the feeling.
So I thought, "Okay, I'm gonna come prepared."
So I bought this motion sickness tablets,
which is supposed to help with it.
But they came with two side effects that I was not intending for.
Numero uno~
It made me extremely sleepy. For some reason, we had these weird regulations in Sweden where..
(uuuhnnngngng) with drugs...
I guess we don't really...
have sleeping pills like in America a lot of times when doctors do is that instead of giving your sleeping pills
They'll say, "Hey, just take these motion sickness tablets, they do the same thing," and I didn't know about this
So I remember one t- one of the days during the days during the sailing week. It was so stormy outside
I remember looking outside and being like, "Oh My GOD!"
I'm gonna die from seasickness if I go out on this so I just downed a bunch of these motion sickness tablets
Being like, "It's not gonna happen to me."; yeah, basically just drugged myself as hard as I could
Completely passed out. I don't know how long I was out...
but I remember I was waking up way later in the evening being super confused.
I didn't know where I was, I looked outside
I thought we arrived in the new harbor realizing we didn't even leave the shore.
Everyone was too afraid to sail that day
So I basically just drugged myself for no reason.
BUT Felix we want to hear how you broke your Ass.
Well, I'm getting there. Okay?
Papa needs some watch time.
There's another symptom that I haven't mentioned yet, and that symptom is..
Balensee.
That's right, motion sickness is connected to your ear, which is connected to your balansee.
So I would say, or at least I like to think that that's why my balance wasn't the pristine top condition...
that it's usually in...
I can stand on one leg probably longer than any other person alive.
I pride myself in having extremely well-balanced... in everything
Thanos' catchprase
perfectly balanced as all things should be was actually invented by me
I have amazing balance, but taking these pills...
It knocked over my balance.
Then, we were also on this boat drinking ObViOuSlY (don't drink and boat kids)
as we were sailing and that knocked down a few points off my balance... (-1 balance every tick)
[akward silence glare]
scale as well. And I think you know where I'm going... (Laughing again)
with this. Now sometimes when you sit down in a sailing boat, it's a little bit awkward to sit down in a sailing boat
They're kind of weirdly shaped
so it's not always the perfect place to place your butt...
There's also a lot of big objects!
A lot of hard objects!
That you could possibly fall on, I was gonna sit down...
Everything was fine. It was a beautiful sunny day.
We were all drinking beer...
alcohol free, of course ( of course ;) )
I was gonna sit down and I remember it so vividly, I can replay the whole scenario in slow motion
I was gonna sit down and I was gonna grab my friend while sitting down, because like I said,
It's awkward sitting down in a sailing boat
So I was gonna get help for my friend to sit down...
But this son of a gun...
moved away...
in last second, and I remember so clearly
just (loading dialog)
Falling out of my grasp, my hands knowing, "OH GOD,
whatever my Ass is gonna land on it's not gonna be beautiful!"
And let me tell you it wasn't beautiful. I landed on a "vinsch"...
I don't know what that's called in English
It's basically what you're rail in the sails with
and it's pretty much as uncomfortable as you can imagine... (oh, it's called "winch" in English, okay...)
I screamed out in terror, in pain, in shock: "My ass!"
"Ahh, my ass!"
I was completely immobilized, I couldn't move...
But most importantly, I was in deep, deep pain.
"It really hurts to break your Ass." - Ghandi
I wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but I knew something was wrong...
So me and my friend,
As(s) soon as we enter.. we came to shore, we came to harbor, we had to go to the hospital...
We did the scan to confirm that, yes indeed, there was a crack in my Ass....
(Quiet laughter)
I did no longer just had one crack in my ass,
I had two cracks in my ass and that's one crack too many to have, let me tell you.
I remember feeling very shocked about this...
It was a very traumatizing experience and realization and I wasn't sure what they were gonna do with me.
How do you treat a cracked Ass? I thought, maybe they would give me some sort of a bandage
Kind of like a diaper or something like that, and I remember asking the nurse,
"What are you gonna do?" and she's like, "Well, we can't bandage your Ass
can we?" and I thought, "Yeah, I guess we can't.".
You live and you learn. (Laughter)
So instead they just gave me a bunch of painkillers and sent me off even though I had a broken Ass.
You know, usually when you break something... I never actually broke anything in my body,
so I was actually kind of looking forward to it, because everyone, you know, when they're a kid...
They break an arm, they break a leg, or whatever and everyone's like, "Oh,
it's so sad for you," and they get all this attention,
they get people writing on your bandage...
No one's gonna write on my bandage (Ass bandage). I realized all I have to deal with is the pain...
and suffering, and most of all, the humiliation. You break an arm, it's cool; you break an Ass...
It's not cool. No one thinks that's cool. No one is proud to say, "Hey, I broke my Ass.",
Okay? Do you think I want to be here? You think I want to tell this story? Think again!
Now, the worst part of all...
is that Jonas...
Jonas, if you're watching this video, you sneaky son of a snake!
Jonas, the guy that moved away when I was trying to...
...sit down, while I was at the hospital with my other friend, Agus, good friend at least, that doesn't tell people.
Jonas told...
Everyone.
He told everyone that I had broken my Ass...
And everyone laughed.
"ha ha that's so funny." I couldn't sit straight for god knows how long, I was in pain...
I was humiliated...
I was hurt...
...Don't break your ass, take it from me.
Take good care of it...
'Cause you never know what's gonna happen to i-
(laughter)
That's my story, thanks for listening, don't break your Ass.
(#ad) WHAT? you never played Tuber simulator??
Pfffsfjhsshshshshhhhh
You know, it's fun right, I'm not supposed to give my opinion
But give it a try and then you can tell me if it's good or not. Not convinced yet?! Okay. I'll cut you a deal
The game is available for free! And that's a great price!
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I Broke My Ass

9 分類 收藏
林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 7 月 2 日
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