No

*奇怪的聲音*

Shit

拉屎

Fuck

幹

God dammit!

可惡

This video isn't 10 minutes yet

這個影片還沒到十分鐘

What the fuck do I do?!

我他媽的該做什麼？

It's fuckin' January

現在是他媽的1月

There's such a lack of Ad Revenue already!

這裡已經開始缺乏廣告收入了

I'm just gonna have to learn from the best

我剛要從最好中學習

To extend this video to 10 minutes.

好把這個影片延長到10分鐘

I'm talking slow

我現在說話很慢...這樣會不會很明顯

IS THAT OBVIOUS WHAT I'M DOING HEREEEEEE

喔---------------

OHHHH

\\\\\\\\\\喔/////////////

Leafy!

Leafy...(youtuber)

Master of title cards

影片截圖的大師

*You Reposted In The Wrong Neighorhood Music Plays*

*leafy的開場音樂*

Holy shit that's 11 seconds

哇勒靠,這有11秒

WITH NO CONTENT!

不含內容!!

Actually it's, never mind that that's 17 minutes

老實說這...

WITH NO CONTENT!

不管這個,這有17分鐘

I'm just kid...

不含內容!!

I'm kidding

我只是開-開玩笑的 我是開玩笑的

I'm kidding

Calvin.

I'm KIDDING

我是開玩笑的

Calvin, I'm joking.

*咕*

M'kay I get, I nee, I get it. I need an

OK,我懂了 我懂了 我需要

I need an intro

我需要做開場,我需要把它找回來

I need to bring it back

播放開場

ROLL

我們影片10分鐘了沒?

THE INTRO!

幹

Are we at 10 minutes yet?

呃----

Fuck.

!@#$%^&*(

UGH

OK我懂了

So just

Casey Niestat(youtuber)

So just suposed

他做了許多影片的過場畫面

Okay I got it!

我們來看一看

CaseyNeistat

*無意義的過場畫面*

He does these transitional shots

幹 OK

LET'S HAVE A LOOK

只要隨便播點什麼就好

Fuck, okay

隨便的狗屁

Just roll a random,

庫存的影像素材

A random ass...

OK?

Stock Image Footage, okay?

我們的影片10分鐘了沒,拜託?

ARE WE AT TEN MINUTES YET

去他媽的一月

PLEASE?!

你有看到廣告收益帶來的影響嗎?

FUCKING

*呵呃-----------------*

JANUARY

這很糟,這真的很糟

Do you see what happens with the Ad Revenue?!

如果這狀況持續下去的話, 我必須快點找個新工作

This is bad. This is real bad

*彈指*喔

I'm gonna have to find a real job, real soon if this continues!

我知道了!

Oh, I got it!

在我最後一個影片中,呃

I-In my last video, uh-

一一一一一

Eehhhh

別擔心這影片中的指令

Don't worry about the order in this vídeo, I know it's a little messy okay

我知道這有點混亂

*Pewds.exe stopped working of YouTube*

*隨便亂講的話*

But into yesterday's video, I said I was gonna put the top comment

但進到昨天的影片

The top comment on that wall

我說我會把最上面的留言

Now I haven't checked, alright?

最上面的留言

I have not checked.

寫在那個牆上

So It could be anything right now

現在我還沒確認

Let's... Let's see what it is.

好嗎?

Well I'm a bit nervous

我還沒確認

That's the top comment? (yes)

所以現在這可以有多種可能

I gave you guys, permission to put fucking anything

來...來看是什麼

to put. fucking. ANYTHING.

好我有點緊張

In the background of my video

哈囉,隨意看到這則留言的大家, 新年快樂+我愛你:)

AND THE TOP COMMENT IS

這就是最上面的留言?

A FUCKING SELF ADVERTISING.

我給你們這幫傢伙許可 *舔嘴唇*

i though at LEAST

來寫上他媽的任何東西

I... I.. I taught you guys to learn better!

在我的影片背景中

Than believe in some random ass fucking comment saying "I love you"

而最上面的留言是

What the fuck does that mean?

他媽的自我推銷的廣告

If you had a homeless guy from the street tell you I love you

我還以為至少

It doesn't mean anything, words don't mean SHIT.

我...我...我叫你們要好好學習

unless it comes, with REAL MEANING

然後相信某個隨便的狗屁 他媽的留言說"我愛你"

and from a person,

這他媽的是什麼意思?

That you respect or at least know who the FUCK IT IS!

如果你在街上 看到一個無家可歸的傢伙跟你說"我愛你"

Now excuse me while i'm putting...

這完全不代表什麼, 那句話不表示什麼屎

Let's just go back to what the video is about

除非那帶著真正的意義

I don't fucking give a shit

是從某個人

Hey, how's it going

是你尊敬的或至少你他媽的知道他是誰

Bros

現在,不好意思!!我要寫上....

Welcome to another original video idea

讓我們回來談談這支影片想說的

Try Not To Love #Laugh (ha)

我他媽的不想鳥

i failed already

嘿,最近如何

but there's a catch

兄弟們

since you guys love my moustache so much

歡迎來到另一個原創想法的影片

thank you very much by the way (yes hello hitler)

試著不要笑(哈)

i really appreciate all the nice feedback about my new appearance. you know

我已經失敗了

here, i was thinking i look cool

但還是有抓住你們

finally

自從你們這幫兄弟超愛我的鬍子

i found a hip new look that fits me and my personality

順便一提,謝謝你們

but i guess that's not good enough

我真的很感謝關於我的新造型 所有好的回饋

so if i laughed, i will shave a piece of my moustache

你想,我真的覺得我看起來很酷

as much as it pains me

終於

it pains my very core! (find your positive core message today)

我找到最酷最適合我個性的造型

and if i run out of moustache

但我猜這大概還不夠好

i will shave this dog

所以如果我笑了,我會剃掉我一塊鬍子

(laughed)

這真的讓我很痛苦

rip edgar

這會傷到我的核心

let's do this

然後如果我剃光了我的鬍子

the first video

我會剃了這隻狗

is chair. (Oh my god the chair!)

*笑*

oh damn

*傷心的音樂*

(giggle)

來吧

it's just kind of video where you know you're gonna laugh even before you watch it

第一個影片

there's no way i could not have laughed at that

是一張椅子(天公伯啊那張椅子)

it's just a little piece

*忍笑*

whatever...

這是那種 你在看之前就知道自己會笑出來的影片

think we all know where this is heading

我不可能看完這個不笑出來

i like it, is a good look, i really hope i don't have to laugh again

這只是一小部分

[v] have you ever done a sinus rinse before?

沒關係

oh hello...okay...

你看我們都知道哪裡是開頭

[v] have you ever done a sinus rinse before?

我喜歡,真是一個很好的造型 我希望我再多笑幾次

i don't believe i'm -

*你之前有試過洗鼻器嗎?*

OMG

喔,妳好,ok

(rerethinks life)

*你之前有試過洗鼻器嗎?*

i need to do a sinus rinse right fucking now

我不相信-我

ugh.

我的老天

and i don't want the world to see me (sing)

我現在就他媽的需要用洗鼻器

didn't laugh

呃--

thank you very much

♪ 而我不想讓世界看到我 ♪

Next

我沒笑

what is this? what is he doing?

非常謝謝你

[v] shut your fucking mouth

下一個

[v] shut the fuck up you cunt

這是啥?他在幹嘛?

[v] shut it

*你他媽的給我閉上嘴*

[v] shut it

*閉上你的媽的雞掰*

oh..no..no..that was

*閉上*

an after giggle

*閉上*

they don't count

喔...不!不!這是

My Cat Is Crazy

結束後的笑

*glass shattering sound* (cracking up)

這不算

i didn't laugh (oh yes u did)

(念標題)我的貓瘋了

*glass shattering sound*

*玻璃碎裂聲*

No. 1, why were you filming...your cat in a fucking garden house?

我沒笑

No.2 ...

*玻璃碎裂聲*

What the fuck. (laugh)

第一,為何你在錄影?你的貓在他媽的花園別墅?

*glass shattering sound*

第二,

where did that cat go?

這是三小?(笑)

what was so important to that cat

*玻璃碎裂聲*

why do i feel like i'm Ray William Johnson

貓去哪了?

deconstructing a fucking shit of-

到底是什麼對這隻貓這麼重要?

au..we're getting there

為何我覺得我是Ray William Johnson(網路紅人)

i kinda like it

在分析一團他媽的狗屎

do you like it? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

呃..我們到這

dat stare tho

我有點喜歡

(squelch)

你喜歡嗎?( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(snort)

(譯者:反同人士?)

moving on

*吸鼻*

[v] we gonna interview Erik Weihenmayer who climbed the highest mountain in the world, Mount Everest. But-

繼續

ugh

*我們要來訪問Erik Weihenmayer 他爬了世上最高的山-聖母峰,但--*

[v] he's gay

呃

[v] i mean he's gay, excuse me he's blind

*他是同性戀*

[v] so we're here about that

*我是說-他是同性戀,不好意思他是失明的* (註:同性戀跟失明的英文唸起來有87分像)

*tries real fucking hard not to laugh*

*關於這件事*

i don't wanna laugh

我不想笑

ah for fuck...

喔,他媽的

[v] we gonna interview Erik Weihenmayer who climbed the highest mountain in the world, Mount Everest. But he's gay

*我們要來訪問Erik Weihenmayer 他爬了世上最高的山-聖母峰,但他是同性戀*

but he's

但他是..

gay

同性戀...

Girl Cries Like Racing Car

(念標題)女孩哭得像賽車

[v] hey sorry i missed your call

*嘿抱歉沒接到你電話*

[v] ummm...

*呃...*

[v] i'm just calling you back to...

*我只是回撥給你...*

[v] uhhh...

*呃....*

[v] let you know that i...

*讓你知道我....*

oh no... [v] i love you

喔不...*我愛你*

and i miss you

*還有我想你*

*girl crying sound like racing car*

*開始哭得像賽車*

(inhales loudly)

(忍笑)

i really, i really want you to call me back

*我真的--我真的希望你回撥給我*

*crying*

*再哭*

and i'm sorry i missed your phone call

*我真的很抱歉沒接到你電話*

and i, i, aii...

*然後我--我--ㄨ*

i know you are DONE

*我知道你結束了*

so, so when you get this will you call me back

*所以-所以當你接到這個留言時請回撥給我*

*crying*

*哭哭Q____Q*

i love you

*我愛你*

and i miss you

*還有我想你*

*crying*

*Q___________________Q*

next video

下個影片

Why Are You Watching That

*你為何在看這個??*

[v] don't tell mommmmm

*拜託別跟媽說Q____Q*

these are really good

這些影片真的很讚

these are really good clips this time

真的很棒的剪輯

why were you watching that?

*你為何在看這個??*

they are just blind, they are just blind, don't worry about it

他們只是瞎了,只是瞎了,別擔心

there's nothing wrong watching blind people (oh the irony)

看瞎子並沒有錯!

ummm...

嗯-------------

early stages of a yaoi fan girl

太早接觸色情小說的迷妹

(laugh)

(笑)

fuck it

去他的

alright, it was worth it

好吧,這很值得

it was worth it

這很值得

oh no

喔不

[v] k...i wanna show you a little secret

*ok,我想告訴你一個小秘密*

oh!! okay...

喔,好啊

[v]A guy taught me from the American Rangers

*我從美國軍隊中學到的技能*

great

太好了

[v] and he always said, you know...

*他總是說,你知道的..*

[v] in a tactical situation the sound of velcro

*在戰爭的情形中,魔鬼氈的聲音*

[v] you can hear a mile away

*你可以在一英里外聽到這聲音*

[v] and everybody knows that sound of velcro

*而大家都知道這是魔鬼氈的聲音*

that's true

這是真的

[v] so here we have a velcro pouch

*現在我有個魔鬼氈*

[v] and this is the sound that gives you a way in a tactical situation

*這聲音會讓你在戰場上...*

[v] and

然後....

[v] so... he taught me

所以..他教我

[v] a method of opening a velcro so that if you do that no one will hear the velcro- [pewds] i'm already laughing

*所以有一個方法讓你撕魔鬼氈時不會有人聽到* pewds:我已經笑了

okay, what is that?

好,那是如何?

[v] it's real fast, and, so the velcro i've got it on is the best i can get it on

*這真的很快,我拿了最好的魔鬼氈我可以拿的*

is this suppose to be funny?- [v] and this is what he taught me

這是好笑的影片嗎? *這就是他教我的...*

okay...

OK...

[v] AH!!! (wtf)

*啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

*laugh*

(笑)

*Life Being Sucked Out Of Soul*....hahahaha

呵呃---------啊哈哈哈

take your arm outward 45 degrees from the front and lift your arm up as far as-

把你的手臂朝45度抬起,接著舉起你的手越遠越...

here we go

來吧

i think is time

我想是時候了

*shaving sound* *We Are Number One Plays* *dancing*

\剃掉/\剃掉/\剃掉/\剃掉/\剃掉/

alright, well...

好了,好...

that was Try Not To Laugh Challenge moustache edition

這就是"試著不要笑"挑戰 鬍子版

if you enjoy this video

如果你喜歡這個影片

i think you're gonna enjoy

我想你一定很享受

this one

這一個

this is the one you wanna watch next

這就是你想看的下一個影片

so make sure you click right here

所以快確定你有點這裡

for another video

來看另一個影片

oh boy, is one of my favourite actually

喔男孩,這是我最愛的一個

what's that?

這是什麼?

oh you already clicked

喔你已經點了

then why am i even here...?

那我為何在這.....?