[line trilling]

- [bleep] This is Bill.

- Hi, Bill. My name's Denise.

And I have just, kind of a crazy request.

But I have a friend who got me one of those clocks.

Have you seen them?

That says, "It's wine o'clock"?

- Okay.

- You know, it basically means

that every hour of the day is wine time, you know?

Yeah. [laughs]

And when, so, she gave it to me.

It cracked me up.

I almost pissed my pants when I saw it 'cause

I do--I do--

I feel that way, you know?

So anyways, I--how much wine do you guys got there?

Do you do one of those monthly memberships,

a daily membership?

What's, you know, 'cause I'd love--

Or a punch card or something or--

'Cause I wanna stock up on some wine

'cause I wanna play out this joke, you know?

I'm funny in my neighborhood.

- Sure.

We've got just, our membership club.

It's a [bleep] dollar lifetime membership.

You'd pay once. - Oh, goddamn.

- So we've got about 9,000 members of that.

It's really successful. - Oh, goddamn.

- Yeah, and then we do have an every other month club

that we put together--

- Honey, that ain't gonna work

'cause this is a daily thing now.

[laughs] 'Cause I'm getting known.

'Cause I've already had people over doing wine.

Can I put a sign up in your place with my address?

- [laughs] - I'm serious, honey.

Because this could be a thing where it's like,

we--this girl...

I'm not selling, I'm not selling your wine,

but it's, like, you put my address up.

It's like, "Here's where our wine will be."

And my honey, honey, my house is nice.

I'm talking above-ground pool, baby, yup.

I got a tanning bed too.

Do you tan? - [laughs]

- I know a tan guy when I hear one.

I know a tan guy when I hear one.

Honey, my husband wears jewelry, thank you.

Okay?

And I have no tan lines,

only 'cause I get drunk and pass out outside nude.

Yes, I do. [laughs]

It's wine o'clock, honey.

I will tell you something, and I'm not kidding.

And I swear on my life and I swear on my children,

so burn them to the grave if this is a lie.

I've been in a grocery store completely buck naked, honey.

- [laughs] All right.

I don't know, I don't know where were going, but--

- And honey,

I'm gonna meet you

because my husband does not care if I stray.

As long as it's a guy who cares about his appearance,

I'm coming down there.

[farts]

- Guess what else, the time it is.

Fart o'clock. Just kidding, honey.

I'm drunk as [bleep]. [laughs]

- All right.

- Do you like girls who fart? What's up?

- [snickers] So can I--can I--

- Get my number? Oh, my God!

Okay, he does like girls that fart and tan.

Oh, my God. I know something about you.

Come over and watch "300" with me, please.

- No, thank you--

- Please come over and watch "300" with me.

Come on. We can play "Spartan."

- All right. So--

- Honey, I got popcorn.

And that is a metaphor for pu...

- So, I'm gonna let you go now.

- Okay. How about I let you go too?

Okay, I'll let you go too.

I'll let you go too 'cause I got a grip.

- Sounds good-- - I got a grip.

You're in my hand. You're in my hand.

- Bye.

[retro music]

♪ ♪