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  • And whenever I fly to the States, I've got a place there, but I'm always working, right?

    每次我飛到美國,雖然在那裡有房子,但我總是在工作。

  • So, someone else is paying, all right, so I go first class BA.

    有人要幫忙付機票錢,所以我就搭英國航空頭等艙。

  • It doesn't get any better.

    沒有比這更好的事了。

  • Even if I was paying for my own way, I'd still go for first class.

    即便今天是我自己出錢,我也會搭頭等艙。

  • But... Jane would probably be in coach.

    但是 Jane 可能會在經濟艙。

  • It's 10 grand a pop.

    升級要一萬塊欸!

  • That new Planet of the Apes movies on, she'd love that.

    新的《猩球崛起》出來了,她可以在經濟艙看。

  • Alright, but when someone else is paying, I say, "Jane, get up here with me."

    但如果有人要出錢,我就會說:「Jane,跟我來頭等艙吧!」

  • Right?

    對吧?

  • Front two seats, they board us early.

    前排兩個座位,我們可以提早登機。

  • We're on the plane about 15 minutes before anyone else is, oh my God, they bring round these snacks, these, like, warmed, caramelized nuts in a bowl, right, champagne.

    可以在大家登機前的十五分鐘上去,他們拿來那些點心,我的天啊,一碗加熱過的、沾滿焦糖的堅果,還有香檳。

  • It's great, it's like a little day off from me.

    超棒的,就像放了一小天假。

  • No phone or anything, it's like a little holiday flying to the States, right?

    沒有手機或其他東西干擾,飛去美國的旅途就像小型假期,對吧?

  • I could do without the safety video.

    但可以免去飛安影片啦!

  • That's always a bit of a downer, right?

    那總是有點掃興。

  • And totally pointless, if you go into the side of a mountain at 500 miles an hour, the brace position does fuck all.

    而且完全沒用,如果你以五百哩的時速撞進一座山,防備姿勢還真是有用。

  • Imagine if that worked right?

    想像如果有用的話好了。

  • You're going down, right, right?

    你往下墜,對吧?

  • The planes smashing, you go, I'll try it.

    飛機要被撞毀了,你想說,我就試試吧!

  • Alright, you do that, ball of flames, you wake up, everyone's dead except, you go, "Fucking hell, that's amazing."

    好,你做了防備姿勢,飛機起火,你起來了,大家都死了就你沒死,你說:「他 X 的,這姿勢厲害。」

  • That is...

    這真的......

  • And they always use that voice, don't they, on the safety, they always use that voice, that calming, hypnotic voice.

    他們每次都用那種聲音,飛安影片的聲音總是冷靜又催眠人。

  • Like, nothing bad happened.

    好像在說,沒什麼壞事會發生。

  • They're saying horrendous things, but they're trying to make you think, nothing bad'll happen 'cause they're, I'm using this voice so don't worry about it, right?

    他們每次都說一些很恐怖的事,可是他們想催眠你,跟你說沒有壞事會發生啦,因為我現在用這種聲音說話,所以你什麼都不用擔心,好嗎?

  • They say things, like, "In the event of the plane landing on water," it smashes the fuck to bits, right?

    他們可能說:「若飛機在事故中降落於水上。」飛機會被他 X 的擊碎,對吧?

  • They say, they say, "In the event of the plane landing on water, your life jacket is equipped with a whistle."

    他們說:「若飛機在事故中降落於水上,你的救生衣上有配置一個哨子。」

  • A fucking whistle.

    一個他 X 的哨子。

  • So, the plane hits the water, smashed into bits, everyone's dead except you, by a miracle, you're bobbing around in the Atlantic Ocean, four degrees that water is, right?

    所以飛機撞進水裡,被毀成碎片,只剩你奇蹟地活著,你在四度的大西洋上漂浮著。

  • You've got about 15 minutes before hypothermia sets in, right?

    還剩十五分鐘失溫症就要發作了,對吧?

  • Or eaten by a shark, or you drown.

    或是被鯊魚吃掉、或溺水。

  • And you're hoping they dispatched air-sea rescue.

    你希望有人派出了海空救援。

  • And you're going, "Oh my God, I'm bruised, I'm (murmurs), I'm gonna die."

    你想著:「噢我的老天,我受傷了,我 (喃喃自語) ......我要死了。」

  • "I don't wanna die wet, and I don't know what I'm doing."

    「我不想濕濕地死掉,我不知道我在幹嘛。」

  • "Hold on." (whistles)

    「等等。」(吹口哨)。

  • I mean, air-sea rescue.

    海空救援啊!

  • Now I don't know if you've ever been in a helicopter, of course you haven't, right?

    我不知道你們有沒有坐過直升機,你們一定沒有。

  • But...

    但是......

  • They're fucking loud, right?

    直升機超大聲,對吧?

  • It's like having your head in a washing machine.

    就像把你的頭塞進洗衣機。

  • You have to wear earplugs and then ear defenders.

    你需要戴耳塞,還要戴上護耳器。

  • Your teeth rattle, it's like...

    你的牙齒打顫,就像這樣。

  • Like that, so you're like, over the Atlantic Ocean at night...

    然後你在晚上的大西洋......

  • Never gonna happen, it's never gonna happen.

    根本不可能被救啦,不可能會發生的。

  • If you crash, you die, right?

    如果墜機,就死路一條啦!

And whenever I fly to the States, I've got a place there, but I'm always working, right?

每次我飛到美國,雖然在那裡有房子,但我總是在工作。

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B1 中級 中文 英國腔 飛機 頭等艙 姿勢 經濟艙 哨子 直升機

超爆笑!Ricky Gervais 討厭坐飛機的原因 (What Ricky Gervais Hates About Flying)

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    lauren.huang 發佈於 2020 年 06 月 25 日
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