字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 -Welcome to "Late Night"! How's everybody doin'? Monday, right? No, seriously, I'm asking. It's Monday, right? Let's get to the news. President Trump yesterday wished the country a Happy Mother's Day in an all-caps tweet, though that seems less like a heartfelt message and more like you're yelling it out the window of a passing car. [ As Trump ] Happy Mother's Day! Okay, drive, drive! Former President Obama held a call on Friday for thousands of alumni of his administration and said, "It's after 5:00, people. You should be drinking." [ Laughing ] Um, does he think we still wait until 5:00, these days? I had a gin and tonic for breakfast, and that's only 'cause my kid couldn't finish it. President Trump attended a ceremony at the World War II Memorial in Washington on Friday with veterans, but did not wear a face mask and I am surprised that he's comfortable showing his face to people who actually served. [ As Trump ] Yeah, almost did. Bone spurs, the last second. You guys are lucky to never -- to never have the spurs. In a new interview, a White House senior advisor said it was, "Scary to go to work" after two fellow staffers tested positive last week for the coronavirus. Said the advisor, "Before this, it was just embarrassing." The White House announced yesterday that, despite one of Vice President Mike Pence's senior staff testing positive for the coronavirus, Pence will not isolate himself. But, in his defense, you can't catch it if you never breathe. [ As Pence, softly ] No, no, thank you. Oxygen is the devil's gas. Apple's announced that it will begin reopening its American retail stores this week, so, don't even bother getting COVID-19, because they're just about to come out with the 20. [ Laughing ] Finally, this week is National Etiquette Week. I'm sorry, may it be National Etiquette Week. What a dumb one to close on, Mike Scollins. Alright! That's the monologue. Let's move on.