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  • -Welcome to "Late Night"! How's everybody doin'?

  • Monday, right?

  • No, seriously, I'm asking.

  • It's Monday, right?

  • Let's get to the news.

  • President Trump yesterday wished the country a Happy Mother's Day

  • in an all-caps tweet, though that seems

  • less like a heartfelt message and more like you're yelling it

  • out the window of a passing car.

  • [ As Trump ] Happy Mother's Day!

  • Okay, drive, drive!

  • Former President Obama held a call on Friday

  • for thousands of alumni of his administration and said,

  • "It's after 5:00, people.

  • You should be drinking."

  • [ Laughing ] Um,

  • does he think we still wait until 5:00, these days?

  • I had a gin and tonic for breakfast,

  • and that's only 'cause my kid couldn't finish it.

  • President Trump attended a ceremony

  • at the World War II Memorial in Washington on Friday

  • with veterans, but did not wear a face mask

  • and I am surprised

  • that he's comfortable showing his face

  • to people who actually served.

  • [ As Trump ] Yeah, almost did.

  • Bone spurs, the last second.

  • You guys are lucky to never -- to never have the spurs.

  • In a new interview, a White House senior advisor

  • said it was, "Scary to go to work"

  • after two fellow staffers

  • tested positive last week for the coronavirus.

  • Said the advisor, "Before this,

  • it was just embarrassing."

  • The White House announced yesterday that, despite one

  • of Vice President Mike Pence's senior staff

  • testing positive for the coronavirus,

  • Pence will not isolate himself.

  • But, in his defense, you can't catch it if you never breathe.

  • [ As Pence, softly ] No, no, thank you.

  • Oxygen is the devil's gas.

  • Apple's announced that it will begin reopening

  • its American retail stores this week,

  • so, don't even bother getting COVID-19,

  • because they're just about to come out with the 20.

  • [ Laughing ] Finally, this week is National Etiquette Week.

  • I'm sorry, may it be

  • National Etiquette Week.

  • What a dumb one to close on, Mike Scollins.

  • Alright! That's the monologue. Let's move on.

-Welcome to "Late Night"! How's everybody doin'?


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白宮工作人員對COVID-19呈陽性反應 (White House Staffers Test Positive for COVID-19)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日