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  • All right, I'm just gonna quick catch you guys up on the story for this game.

  • Sephiroth's a dickhead.

  • 'Cause this thing is his mom.

  • AND he's a ghost.

  • To stop Sephiroth, Cloud dresses up like a woman and have sex with a man.

  • Then he goes on a date with Barret.

  • Cloud, you get it, man, right?

  • See? She gets it.

  • Barret, you get it, man, right?

  • Sephiroth gets it.

  • Now that you all get the story, let's go stop Sephiroth--

  • [ Pokemon encounter sound ]

  • GOD DAMN -

  • Six frogs?

  • Three frogs is fucked up. Six frogs -

  • I'm not even gonna -

  • I'm not even gonna be able to play.

  • Come on.

  • Come on, go, hit.

  • Hit the frog.

  • No, no.

  • Damn it.

  • OK.

  • Oh, Barret -

  • Shoot! Shoot the frog!

  • Shoot the frog, come on. Shoot him!

  • What are you doing? Come - no, god, no.

  • Frog

  • [ groans ]

  • What is this game?

  • Sleeping Frogs?

  • [ rimshot ]

  • Come on, get a punch in there.

  • Get--she's up! She's up!

  • Aaaaaaaand

  • Ladies and gentlemen, we have now entered the frog lock.

  • So, what happens is they cast Frog Song, then they punch you for 4 damage.

  • And then they do it right again.

  • And this will go on for the next four hours.

  • Thank you, frogs. I love you.

  • Yeah, slap her head off!

  • Ooh, don't take that!

  • Even the slap fight is turn based.

  • [ Darude - Sandstorm playing ]

  • [ Dunkey scatting Yakety Sax throughout ]

  • Hey, what the fuck, Darth Sith?!

  • Uh oh, looks like I'm busted on this one.

  • I was workin' for Shenmue all along, fellas.

  • Let's just forget this ever happened.

  • Aw man, Darth Sith. Forgive and forget.

  • That's what I say.

  • FUCKIN KILL THAT PIECE OF SHIT

  • [ victory fanfare ]

  • [ Dunkey scatting Get Down Tonight ]

  • Do a little dance, whoo! Get down tonight! ♪

  • BUH BUH BUH BUH

  • GET DOWN TONIGHT

  • BUH BUH BUH BUH

  • You assholes, you gotta shoot 'em with your hands, like this!

  • [ imitates machine gun fire ]

  • EEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHH

  • I'm really getting down toniiiiiight!

  • Watch out for my missile move!

  • Ha ha!

  • Think you can beat the missile move, baby?

  • Nuh uh.

  • Think again.

  • Keep going? Of course, of course keep goin -

  • What - what - what are you do? Half my HP?

  • You think that's gonna stop me?

  • Boom. Dead in one hit.

  • Oh, what's this? Down 5 levels?

  • Pfffffft. [ laughs ]

  • OK, give me a challenge.

  • OH GOD

  • NO.

  • [ goofy laughter ] Fellas, da, da, da Earth is talkin' to me, guys.

  • It says that danger. Danger, fellas! [ goofy laughter ]

  • Oh, let me rub my face on this bridge real quick, I can feel the Mako waves, just comin' offa dis thing.

  • YES! [ Aerith laughing goofily throughout ]

  • KILL! [ Aerith laughing goofily throughout ]

  • KILL!

  • NO!

  • Come on, dammit!

  • So close.

  • Oh, yes, yes!

  • GO, GO!

  • YES!

  • YES!

  • YES!

  • [ clapping ]

  • Round of applause for Sephiroth, everybody.

  • [ goofy voice ] Ta-da.

  • Sephiroth, man, you did a good job, but

  • why is your mouth open throughout the entire game?

  • I - this is real.

  • Are you a fucking ass?

  • "When the party reaches the Northern Crater to confront Sephiroth for killing Aerith,"

  • "they learn that Sephiroth was one of multiple Jenova clones that Hojo had created"

  • [ beginning to crack up ] "from both animals AND humans."

  • Uh oh.

  • We've awoken MechaGodzilla.

  • Quick.

  • He's headed straight for Midgar.

  • We have about, uh, three weeks to evacuate the city.

  • Come on.

  • Actually, I'll be right back.

  • Cloud and his boyfriends go on an epic journey, spanning over 10 disks.

  • Along the way, they fight

  • a giant icicle,

  • John Carpenter's The Thing,

  • a dinosaur tractor,

  • all of the Sonic characters,

  • Pokemon Ruby,

  • and Sephiroth's grandpa.

  • But in a freak wheelchair accident, Cloud is sucked into

  • The Omega Realm.

  • "It is revealed that Cloud is actually a cybernetic turtle from the future,"

  • "searching for the mystic mungis."

  • [ laughing ]

  • Hey, you guys are rippin' off the AI from Crysis! Knock that off.

  • What key is switch?

  • I don't - why can't you just say what key it's bound to?!

  • I look like a total dickhead!

  • Oh my - no -

  • Oh, of course. Insert.

  • This is the scariest hotel in the world.

  • Uh, sir, I need to check -

  • [ screams ] Oh my god!

  • That's not how to run a business!

  • [ loud music playing, Dunkey yelling ]

  • Ah, so this is what a Time Guardian looks like.

  • Uh, let's go into 3, I guess.

  • Number 3.

  • You idiots!

  • This is number 6!

  • Ooh, let's go in number 10. I remember beatin' this one on PS -

  • A HA HA HA HA HA

  • What happens if I go to number 7?

  • [ One Winged Angel playing throughout ] [ evil laughter ]

  • Oh shit, I'm not even ready for this.

  • SEPHIROTH: So, Cloud, I see you finally found my secret lair!

  • Wait -

  • SEPHIROTH: Only now can I reveal my ultimate form!

  • Let me go back for a second -

  • SEPHIROTH: Not this one!

  • SEPHIROTH: Not this one! No!

  • SEPHIROTH: Not this one!

  • SEPHIROTH: THIS ONE!

  • [ evil laughter ]

  • Estuans interius

  • Ira vehementi

  • Sephiroth! ♪

  • I AM FROGS!

  • [ evil laughter ]

  • You son of a bitch, Sephiroth!

  • I should have known you were frogs all along!

  • That's it!

  • I summon the power

  • of the

  • MYSTIC

  • MUNGIS

  • [ Liberi Fatali playing throughout entire sequence ]

  • Horti

  • verna

  • veri - tatis

  • Ardente veritate

  • Urite mala mundi

  • Ardente veritate

  • Incendite tenebras mundi

  • Valete liberi

  • Diebus fatalibus

  • [ victory fanfare ]

  • All right, man. I'm back.

  • I beat the whole game.

  • And he's still not even remotely close yet.

All right, I'm just gonna quick catch you guys up on the story for this game.

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B1 中級 美國腔

最終幻想七 (Final Fantasy VII)

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    yooooooooooooooo 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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