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  • -♪ We in the house ♪ ♪♪

  • -Come on!

  • -Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests --

  • Kate Hudson,

  • Alessia Cara,

  • and the Legendary Roots Crew.

  • It's "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • -We in the house, y'all!

  • -And now, here's Jimmy.

  • -Hey, everyone. Welcome to Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • How cool was that? We have a new opening.

  • We have a brand-new theme. We're evolving. We're growing.

  • Thank you to Chris Tartaro

  • and everyone from the animation studio that put that together.

  • That was awesome.

  • Thank you guys so much for watching our show.

  • I appreciate it. Here we are, week seven,

  • I want to say, in New York.

  • This is week seven of quarantine,

  • and we're doing our part.

  • We're staying at home.

  • If we have to go out for anything essential,

  • we wear masks, we're doing the whole thing.

  • I know some places are slowly opening, reopening.

  • Take your time. Do it right.

  • Baby, we can do it Take your time, do it right

  • So yeah, do it right.

  • And remember, this is a marathon, not a race.

  • So, let's take care of each other.

  • We got a ways to go, and we're going to do this.

  • All right. Um...

  • Let's start with some jokes.

  • Welcome to "Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • Let's get to some news. In a new interview,

  • Dr. Deborah Birx said that we're going to have

  • social distancing through the summer.

  • Yep. At least I think it was her.

  • They were wearing a lot of scarves.

  • It was either Dr. Birx or Johnny Depp.

  • I saw that the CDC has added six new possible symptoms

  • to the coronavirus to its list.

  • That includes chills, shaking, and a headache.

  • So, if you're experiencing any of those,

  • you either have the virus

  • or you're Dr. Birx watching Trump's press conference.

  • "Yeah, yeah, I'll get on it."

  • "Right? You're looking into that too?"

  • "Yeah, yeah, I'm looking into that."

  • "About the disinfectants?"

  • "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm looking into that."

  • "The UV lighting, you're going to look into that, right?"

  • "Me? Sure. Yeah, I'll look into that.

  • I looked into it already. It doesn't make any sense.

  • Just now while you were talking, I looked into it.

  • Keep going."

  • "How about helium? What if we all inhale helium?

  • At least we'll have funny voices.

  • That's something."

  • "Yeah, I'll look into that too. Thanks, buddy."

  • After rumors of his death, North Korea is now claiming

  • that Kim Jong-Un is totally fine.

  • And they can prove it with a recent letter that he wrote.

  • Yep. You can tell the letter is recent

  • 'cause he gives a full review of Netflix's

  • "Too Hot to Handle."

  • You could tell Kim Jong-Un's letter is recent

  • because he asked -- [ Laughter ]

  • You could tell that his letter is recent

  • 'cause he asked all North Koreans to respect Jay Cutler

  • and Kristin Cavallari's privacy during this difficult time.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Kim Jong-Un did that.

  • Yeah. No one knows if Kim Jong-Un is dead or alive.

  • He's basically turned into every cast member

  • of "The Golden Girls."

  • Listen to this.

  • I saw that YouTube is now removing

  • any medically unproven content from its site.

  • Americans are like, "Well, back to searching WebMD

  • and thinking I have every disease known to man."

  • "Honey, turns out I either have a sprained ankle

  • or hemorrhoids."

  • I read that Microsoft Word has decided

  • that two spaces between sentences are incorrect.

  • That's right. It only took seven weeks of quarantine

  • to make Clippy finally snap.

  • -It's one space, you dumb mother [ bleep ]!

  • -Hey, Clippy, get -- get out of here.

  • Get out of here, Clippy.

  • Yep, Microsoft Word now says that using two spaces

  • between sentences is incorrect.

  • Students writing final papers in bed were like,

  • "Those spaces are half my paper!"

  • "Those spaces are half my paper!"

  • This weekend, CNN partnered with "Sesame Street"

  • to do a coronavirus town hall for kids.

  • Bert and Ernie were there, which makes sense

  • 'cause Bert's been cutting his own hair for years.

  • Ooh.

  • Take that, Bert.

  • Yeah, we're really hitting -- we're really hitting people.

  • Why would we hit Bert? I love Bert.

  • -I love Bert. -I know, I love Bert too.

  • Hi, Bert.

  • Oh, and Cookie Monster was there too.

  • Although thanks to quarantine,

  • he now goes by the name Sourdough Bread Monster.

  • He's very smug about it too.

  • Check this out. I saw that a lot of high schoolers

  • have held online "isolation proms."

  • That's funny. I also had an isolation prom.

  • It was called prom.

  • [ Sad music plays ]

  • [ Sniffles ]

  • ♪♪

  • [ Music stops ]

  • Oh, this is interesting.

  • I heard that people on dating apps

  • are putting their COVID-19 testing status

  • in their profiles.

  • And if you still get matches after saying you're positive,

  • then damn, you fine.

  • Finally, I saw that the Mister Softee ice cream trucks

  • are now cruising around New York City again.

  • So, good news. At least New Yorkers

  • can still get their drugs.

  • There you go, everybody. That is our monologue.

  • What a show we have for you tonight.

  • Gosh, I love her.

  • I've known her for a long time now.

  • I want to say it's 20 years since we did "Almost Famous."

  • Kate Hudson is on the show. Great actor, great entrepreneur.

  • She's just a great philanthropist,

  • giving back to --

  • Look at that. wfp.org right there,

  • with the nice rainbow.

  • Also, my pal Alessia Cara is coming on the show.

  • She's also in "The Willoughbys" on Netflix.

  • But she has a great story of how she got that role.

  • Always something magical happens with Alessia Cara.

  • And we're going to play a one word song challenge

  • where you have to sing a gibberish word

  • to the tune of a song and have your friend guess the song.

  • So it's a fun game. We'll play it later in the show.

  • And then she's going to close us out.

  • Oh, here's Alessia's charity,

  • directrelief.org.

  • She's going to close out the show singing a song, "October,"

  • which is very, very cool.

  • Hey, guys, if you text the word "meals" to 80100 --

  • just try it. See what happens.

  • Text "meals" to that number

  • on your phone right now,

  • because we're very excited about this.

  • As you know, we're trying to do our part

  • to help out during this tough time.

  • So we're very excited to share this news.

  • Now until June 1st,

  • Salesforce is going to match up to $250,000

  • of your donations to World Central Kitchen.

  • So just text "meals" to 80100.

  • 80100.

  • 80100. Text "meals."

  • They will tell you what to do from then on.

  • And it's a $10 donation.

  • And Salesforce will match up to $250,000.

  • So thank you to Salesforce for doing that.

  • That's basically the whole reason we're doing this show,

  • is to get out there and get these charities some help

  • and help each other if we can.

  • Guys, it can be hard to say goodbye to some things,

  • but sometimes you just have to.

  • I'll show you what I mean.

  • It's time for a segment called "Go On, Git."

  • ♪♪

  • -♪ Go on, go on, go on, git

  • ♪♪

  • -[With twang] It can be hard to say good-bye sometimes,

  • but sometimes you just have to.

  • And there are a few things I'd like to say good-bye to

  • right now.

  • It's time for "Go On, Git!"

  • [ Western guitar playing ]

  • ♪♪

  • Go on, git,

  • inspirational quotes on my tea bags.

  • Just because I like a little chamomile before bed

  • doesn't mean I'm having a dang spiritual crisis.

  • I appreciate the sentiment and all,

  • but you're basically the hot beverage version

  • of someone saying, "Wow, you look really tired."

  • You're my tea, not my therapist.

  • So, pour yourself a nice warm mug of git!

  • ♪♪

  • Go on, git, any natural disaster that ain't coronavirus.

  • Now is not the time!

  • Tornadoes?

  • Torna-don'ts.

  • Blow on out of here.

  • Earthquakes, shake a tail feather.

  • Tsunamis? More like tsu-no-mis.

  • ♪♪

  • We got enough to deal with without y'all coming in here,

  • "Take a look at me." Git!

  • ♪♪

  • [ Light laughter ]

  • Go on, git,

  • people who organize their bookshelves by color.

  • First off, your "Harry Potters" are all over the place.

  • Second off, how do you think

  • you're supposed to find anything?

  • You really think you'll say,

  • "Ooh, I remember, that one was red.

  • Let's get that good red book."

  • That don't make no dang sense! Alphabetical's the way to go!

  • So A, B, C, D, E, F, git!

  • ♪♪

  • Go on, git, belts!

  • I got five words for you.

  • I ate lasagna for breakfast.

  • You see, I got a lot of feelings right now,

  • and I don't need anyone or anything telling me

  • how big my waist's supposed to be.

  • Belts, you better tie yourself up in a lasso and --

  • [ Cracking whip ] Git!

  • ♪♪

  • [ Chuckles ]

  • Go on, git, "Animal Crossing."

  • If I wanted to sell fruit to a bug, I'd go outside

  • and do it in real life, and believe me, I have tried!

  • But bugs ain't got no money!

  • So git.

  • Finally...

  • ♪♪

  • Go on, git,

  • video of Stanley Tucci mixing that Negroni all sexy-like.

  • You're making the rest of us men look bad with your swole arms

  • and proficiency at the bar cart.

  • Now my wife keeps texting me that video saying,

  • "Look how cool Stanley Tucci is."

  • And I keep saying, "I get it. You want to smoochy Tucci."

  • Well, you were great in "Hunger Games,"

  • but now you gotta hunger git!

  • That's it, everyone.

  • Sometimes you gotta say goodbye.

  • We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show," everybody.

  • ♪♪

-♪ We in the house ♪ ♪♪

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今夜秀》。(Go On, Git: Stanley Tucci's Sexy Negroni Mixing) (The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (Go On, Git: Stanley Tucci's Sexy Negroni Mixing))

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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