(upbeat music)

- Hi honey, how was your test?

- I got an A.

- Ugh, that is so great.

I'm so proud of you, sweetie!

- Thank you.

Wait, if you're over here,

then that means--

- Yeah, the mean cafeteria worker's on register.

(dramatic music)

- Wipe that smirk off your face.

- I don't think I need lunch today.

- What are you smiling for?

You tryna steal this apple?

- No, I'm tryna buy it!

- Oh, you think I'm stupid?

Is that what you think?

Hey, don't look at me when I'm talking to you

or I'll charge you double!

- Are you even allowed to do that?

- Oh, you think I'm a liar?

- No! - Is that what's going on?

- [Female Student] That's not--

- Gimme that sandwich, this is my sandwich now.

You don't get to eat.

- Make room!

- I'm trying!

- [Narrator] Every cafeteria ever.

- What'd you get for lunch?

- A turkey sandwich.

What'd you guys get?

- Salad.

- Salad.

- Salad.

(light accordion music)

- Nice!

So, how was everyone's--

(containers rumble)

Um--

I was--

So, TikTok!

Math is...

hard.

- What?

- Could you please stop?

- Can you speak up?

There's a lot of carbs over there.

I can't hear you.

- [Narrator] Who casually drinks milk?

(upbeat country song)

- Whoa.

You guys went off campus?

What'd you get?

- We got chicken nuggets,

and fries.

Why, what'd you guys get?

- Um, we got chicken nuggets and fries.

- (scoffs) That sounds lame as hell.

(upbeat country music)

- Yeah.

I'm so, so lame.

- You're so lame. - Why are we so lame, Karen?

- [Narrator] Well, at least it's chocolate milk.

(suspenseful music)

- All right,

we need to figure out school lunches for the district.

- Well, it needs to meet the minimum nutrition requirement,

right?

- Emphasis on minimum.

The least required.

- What so like,

a piece of bread and cheese and some lettuce?

- The lettuce isn't technically required.

Or the cheese.

- What about the second piece of bread?

- What is this, a charity?

No, one slice of bread.

- Do we need to pay for this?

(laughs demonically)

- Absolutely not!

All right?

These kids are going to the school 'cause

they don't have any other option,

or means to make money.

If they cannot pay, they go into debt!

School is about learning.

And it's high time they learned that life (beep) sucks.

- (Beep) sucks. Oops.

- [Narrator] Are these chicken nuggets,

or are these shards of glass?

(upbeat rock music)

- Hey David!

Do you mind if we sit with you?

- Oh, uh, no thanks.

- Oh! But you're always sitting alone.

You're like super sad and lonely.

- No, I'm not.

I kinda just like studying.

- Wh-- That's sad!

I mean, don't you want a couple of good-hearted jocks

to befriend you and have a good ol' buddy time?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Nah.

I just kinda wanna read.

- Aw, buddy.

It doesn't matter what you want.

We're gonna hang out with you,

whether you like it

or not.

C'mon, bros. - Hey, buddy.

That's really cool.

What're you working on man?

- All right bros. - We're learning some math.

- Let's help him with the quadratic formula.

- Why do you have a--? - You seem tense!

- Wait, why do you have letters if you're doing math?

- C'mon!

- No!

- I can help you get laid!

- [David] No!

- [Narrator] Sweet, my mom packed lunch bowls.

(sad music)

- What material do you think the chairs in the cafeteria

should be made out of?

- Hm, I don't know.

What's like the most

uncomfortable material in the world?

Like something that is complete dog (beep).

Like plastic, but somehow worse.

- Shouldn't the kids

enjoy and relax during their lunch hour?

- No. No.

Absolutely not!

We wanna be as oppressive as possible.

We need to break these kids' spirits down.

That is how we keep the children under control.

- This is a very rewarding job, sir.

- It's all about breaking their minds and spirits, really.

It's really quite-- It's science.

- [Narrator] This is not my favorite pizza place.

(upbeat jazzy music)

- Dude is that all you're getting?

- What do you mean? I get this every day.

- Dude, that's really bad for you.

You need like vegetables and protein and vitamins.

- Ugh!

Yeah right, dude.

That's gross!

- Your mouth is literally blue from all the candy you eat.

- That's not candy, dude!

There was nothing sweet in my house,

so I drank mouthwash.

There's still cookies left!

Move! Move!

- You just look like you're blue papa smurf.

- [Narrator] It's an extra two dollars for Gatorade?

(faint conversation)

- These kids are from all different cliques,

but they're all sitting together.

- That's so great.

They're breaking down social barriers.

- What?

No!

No, they're up to something.

Okay?

'Cause if they don't hate each other over differences,

like hobbies or appearances,

do you know who becomes the enemy?

- The for-profit prison system?

- What?

No, us!

- What?

- Yeah. - No.

- Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we need to put a stop to this right now.

'Cause if we don't, they're gonna rise against us.

- Pano! Mmm.

- Hey, what's up?

- They're not gonna rise against us.

- Yes, I'm gonna take care of this right now!

- No, hey, hey! Oh!

- Get outta here! Go!

Get out! Get out! - [Student] Oh my God!

- Go!

- I made those!

- Skeet! Skeet!

Hyah!

(breathing hard)

Whew!

I think that took care it.

- That'll make them not hate us.

- Yah.

- [Narrator] Thanks, Jamie Oliver.

- I watched The Simpson's for the first time last night.

- I'm sorry.

(gasps)

- Dude, check this out.

Food fight!

- Ew, no!

My mom just bought me this jacket.

- But food fight!

(thuds)

- Wow.

- What're you doing, dude?

- You're really dumb.

- I don't do carbs,

Henry.

- Now I don't have anything to eat.

You got any extra food?

- I have some carrot sticks.

- I'll just starve.

(beeps)

- This doubles as my workout for the day,

so I'm sorry, I'm just extra focused.

- I actually don't care what you're saying. (laughs)

- I could take away the bread!

Could we be friends then?

- No!

- I have an apple!

- Ew! That's a lotta sugar, hon.

- There's two kinds of people,

and you're the other kind.

(whimpers)

(beeps)

- Good. You get it.

You get it, and that's why I like you.

That's why I hired you.

That's why I married you.

That's why I divorced you.

And that's why we're back together,

tryna give it the ol' college trial,

try it again.

- Nice.

- All right.

Well, I'll see you next weekend.

- Palm Springs, here we come.

- Yeah, it's gonna be wild.

You got the shrooms, right? - Too cool.

- Ugh, you got me again.

See, this is why we got divorced in the first place.

(someone is background laughs)

(beeps)

- Well it doesn't matter what you want!

All right?

We're gonna sit with you, and be friends with you,

whether you like it or not, right bros?

- Yeah! We'll be your best friends we're gonna (beep)

- Give me a hug!

- We're gonna be your best (beep) friends!

Little bitch! - Slap your ass!

(beeps)

- We're doing good here.

We're doing good work here.

We are good people.

Really, when it comes down to it.

- Yes, we are.

You're the man.

- Yeah. So anyway, I'm thinking that the

the lunch bell should be like, at least 200 decibels.

And just like AHHHHHHH!

You know?

(people in background laugh)

(beeps)

- Cumon, why are you so tense?

- Cumon, bro! We can teach you how to dribble!

- His diary!

- [David] I know how to dribble.

I have a very weak lower jaw.

- His diary, it says "Dear Diary, subscribe to Smosh!"

- That's a good.

I know how to dribble.

(beeps)

- You failed me.

(clunks)

(people in background laugh)

- You're so lame,

you probably think this song is about you.

- Get outta here, Craig!

- Leave us alone in our misery.

(beeps)

- [Student] Is that a Pretendo?

- This is a Pretendo! - [Student] That's so cool!

- We're both over here.

We're playing live, Xbox Live.

- [Student] No way!

- Yeah!

- [Student] On your Nintendo Storage.