字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 - All right class, you will now have an hour to finish your exam, begin. - Psst, Dave! Daaaave! What'd you get for number two? - Jake, I can hear you. Everyone can hear you. - Sorry Mr. B! (electronic ping) - Excuse me, Jake. You do realize I can see the chat as well? - Sorry Mr. B, won't happen again. - Oh my god, Jake you realize I can, you know what it's fine, the answer is 17. The answer to number two is 17. - Thanks Mr. B, you're the best! What about number three? - Every online class ever. - Let's have Lacey present next. - Oh great, I totally am prepared and knew that today was presentation day. So, my topic was the Industrial Revolution. So in 18... - Oh? - ...hardships were... France was... - (loudly) Oh Lacey, you're glitching! - Struggling through the middle class... Child labor and var-... - We'll just have you go next week. - Siiiick! - Oh, that's better! Continue! - Si-... ...ick... - Uh, nevermind. - Uh I've been doing online school for my whole life. - Okay this is my first time teaching online and uh, can everyone hear me okay? - Um, you are actually just a little bit quiet. - Oh okay, no problem I'll just hit the microphone button. - No, you just muted your mic. - (silently) What? - (enunciated) You muted your mic! We can't hear you. - (still silently mouthing words) - You just muted... Ya know what, yeah we can hear you just fine. It's perfect. Please continue. - Hey make sure to check out my graduation video on smoshpit. - (whistle blow) All right class, I know that doing P.E. remotely might seem a little weird but we're gonna do it just like a normal class. So starting off with some jumping jacks, let's go! (workout music) - You guys doin' them? I- I can't see you, are you guys doin' them? - Yup. - Wow, these jumping jacks are so hard. - (snoring) (on recorder) Yes coach, I can feel the burn. - I wanna hear those jacks get jumped. - I'm not wearing pants. - (whistle) Okay, so it's come to my attention that last class none of you guys were actually doing any of the exercises. So I'm making you video chat with me so I can see you. All right, let's start off with some brutal squats. Here we go! (workout music) - Yeah, I see you Jenn, you're getting after it, good job. - Thanks coach! - My balls are slipping out. - Hey guys, look at my background. Give me attention. - Okay so I figured out how to not mute myself. Uh, don't hit the little microphone button. Heh. Okay anyway let's get into the lecture slides. An estimated... (background laughs from the students) - What? Why am I a potato? (more laughter) - How do I- does anyone know how to- Does anyone know how to turn the potato off? Anybody? Okay, forget about it. An estimated 15,000 total deaths occurred during the war of 1812 on the American side. (more laughter) - Okay, why am I a pickle now? Whatever. Let's just go to the next slide. - (baby voice) There was a lot of other causes of death, ya know there was battle wounds, disease... Okay guys is something funny about people dying? During war time? Guys? Really? Grow up. - (laughter) Look at him! - You guys are being babies. - Hey, bright side. Now you don't have to smell your classmates. - Hey, um, listen, I was wondering if you would wanna go to prom with me? - Ew, no. I have a boyfriend. - Oh but I miss the smell. - Chad, I've noticed you've been kinda checked out during class. - (scoffs) Whatever. - No, not whatever. You need to take this seriously, okay? This matters! It all matters! Jeez. I mean, school's important. You don't wanna end up as some, you know, old, drunk, idiot. (laughs) - It's the future! Future school. - Okay class let's get started... (dog barking outside) - Let's start with... (dog continues to bark) - The Industrial- (bark) - Reva... (bark) - Lou... (bark) - Tion... (dog now howling) - Okay, class is over. I have to murder my neighbor's dog. - No I don't have Fortnite up in the background! - Sorry you guys, my kid's on antibiotics and he just had a blow out all over my jeans and I had no idea for an hour. (laughs) Okay, okay. Bradley, you present first. - Excellent choice teach. Let me show you frickin' nerds how it's done. Okay um, how do I share my screen? - What a dork! - He doesn't even know how to click the button that says present. - Hey, shut up nerds or I'll drive to your house and kick your ass. - I don't know how you're going to do that. I just hacked your account. They're seizing your cars. - Oops, I just swatted you! - You swatted me? What's- what's swat? (loud noise in background) No, no, nonononono! - Who's the nerd now, bitch? - I just opened up a 401k for him. - Why'd you do that? - His life is about balance, Thanos taught me that. - Hey sorry I'm late, I slept in on purpose. - But she couldn't just let her father join the army. He wasn't fit. So she decided to take his place. Even though, women at the time weren't allowed to be Samurai. - All right, I made some munchies for my munchie munchkin! - Mom, get out! You're embarrassing me. - Oh but sweetie I'm just so happy you're back from college and you look so malnourished so I made you a plate. - Please, mom. - Okay I get it. I'll leave this right here for when you're hungy hungry, you can have that. (blows kiss) - We all good over there? (laughter) - I hate Yale. - Hey sorry I'm late, time has lost all meaning. - Okay so I figured out how to not mute myself and how to not add silly filters so let's just get onto the discussion of The War of 1812. I sent you all a link that I want you to all open. That's the one labeled, doc.exe. Hello? Where'd everyone go? - He sent us fucking virus. - Pro tip, film a video of yourself paying attention and use it as your background and then go to sleep. - Just because we aren't in school doesn't mean the play is canceled. As they say in theater, the show must go on. I've cast the two leads in our production of, The Notebook, Claire and Devon. Congratulations! - Ugh, no that means I have to do the kissing scene with Devon! - I have to kiss Claire? Yuck! - Oh grow up. You're just nervous. Which is why we're gonna start with the kissing scene. Go ahead. Kiss. - Ugh! (dramatic music) (both gagging) - Oh it's like kissing my sister. - What's wrong with kissing your sister? Oh who- who said that? I- I wouldn't say that. I don't think kissing your sister is cool. That's not... would never do that. - Well that's a totally different movie if you kiss your sister. I'm willing to watch it. - Internet's out? School's out. - And now if you'll remember, the country was in a dire situation after the first world war- - Hey uh, teach? Is that an alexa behind you? - No but there is one in this room. Guys, can we please keep this conversation focused on World War 2? - Alexa, order 100 rolls of toilet paper. - Okay. - Alexa! Cancel that! (laughter) - Who said that? Which one of you was it? - Alexa sing happy birthday volume 10. - (loudly) Okay, let's do this. Happy birthday to you! - Alexa cancel! (laughter and Alexa still singing) - Guys, this isn't funny all right? It's not funny so don't do it again. - Alexa, read off internet search history. - Cosplay girls big butts. (more laughter) - I cannot, I cannot! - I fucking hate you guys. - Because we don't have big butts? (laughter) - I'm sorry am I saying something funny guys? Is war funny? Is that funny to you guys? Huh? Grow up. And why is there a cat on my head? What kind of sorcery is this? - Boy, gee golly whizz, these jumping jacks are hecka hard. - Blahhhh blah blah blah I'm sorry class, it's just it's too much fun. - That scene where he's holding the knife and he's showing Gamora and he says all things are about balance. It's a very big foreshadowing scene for everything that was coming up soon. (snap) Bye Bradley. (snap) Bye again, Bradley. - You? I would never go to prom with you. Go away. I would never go to prom with you in a million years. You're like the biggest loser at this school. I would never go to prom with you, go away. - Oh, that's a ball. That ball slipped out. They're gonna have to censor that. There is some serious ball slippage comin' out of these uh, these shorts. (weird sounds) - I can't do the splits in real life so this is accurate to my body. Quarantine mindset be like... Where is she? - Fran, don't mess with my underwear. You are such a colossal bastard only when I start filming, otherwise you're the most well behaved lil' baby ever and I don't understand it. You don't even do this while I'm streaming! Why? How? Why? Why? Last try. - Dude, this took me 10 minutes to make. His little plate of magic.