If I'm honest, this is not the sort of thing are typically review here on the channel.

But I couldn't sort of pass it up.

It was too ridiculous.

Now this is a coffee machine from LD, a supermarket group.

You may be familiar with a place that's really cheap, but people tend to be like, Oh, but the wind's really good.

I don't shop it lt, not out of any really snobbery or anything.

I just don't have one near me.

So you know I'm not dissing you, Albie.

I'm just I'm just I'm just not, you know, a customer.

But people are people like it, and I shouldn't joke about the whole wine obsession people have with it.

It's getting off topic Howdy do cheap stuff that people say is surprisingly good.

And so when algae dropped this while I had to have a look.

It's a £299 coffee machine.

It's a kind of super automatic.

In a way.

It's got a built in grinder, Bernadis Porter filter based, comparable, I guess, to machines like the Sage Brister Express, which is twice the price and DeLonge.

He's very sage, like less special Easter.

That again the same sort of price, though that one has a pressure has poured a filter.

So I kind of put that off to the side.

Yes, has a regular port filter with proper holds and everything.

In fact, he's got quite a fancy porter filter.

Not only is it really quite a nice little handle on this thing here, but they've even got like, a little rubberized flat but on the bottom.

Fear tamping.

How thoughtful.

How considerate.

How surprising.

For £299 though it doesn't come with a dirt recommendation, just a little Max line on the side.

We'll get into brewing coffee with this in a second.

I've just turned.

I want I've got a heart.

I have yet to make coffee with it.

Now it's gonna steam wand.

The steam settings on the side here imply that it's it's one thermal block heating everything because you gotta put the machine into preheat mode, which I presume heats.

That mainframe will block up super hot, and then you can get steam out of it.

You then probably have to cool it down afterwards to get coffee out of it again.

That's not unusual in a cheaper machine, but but a grinder in a chief of machine is definitely a surprising thing.

It is pretty bad design.

It looks like it's OK, but, you know, stuff like the badly stuck on badge here that's just not quite level.

Or the fact that the drip tray appears to be designed to be whatever spaces left and therefore not really in the space put like three cups on top.

It's just a little car crash up here so far.

But hey, it's early.

Let's not judge too much.

Let's let's put some coffee in it now.

This isn't just like a hey, look.

Here's a weird, cheap thing that's surprising energy.

But the question is, is a good value for money.

You know, just cause it's cheap might be terrible value for money if it just can't make anything resembling vaguely good espresso.

But if it can make good espresso, that would be astonishing, wouldn't it, though, feels unlikely at this point.

I mean unwrapping this thing.

It was not your nice, like peel off the nice plastic from the stainless steel.

It was more like just wrapped a couple times in cling film in a slightly sloppy, forgetful way that doesn't, you know, inspire confidence when you're opening a coffee machine up looted liquor job protecting it either.

It would seem from the scratches on the side.

Well, get off the point, sir.

Let's let's make some coffee with this, I think.

Oops.

Uh, we've got We've got a good amount of coffee in here.

I'm not quite at my Max Phil line on about 17.5 grams of coffee, and this has just been a bit of a mess so far, but we're gonna be okay.

I believe in us now.

This is a program dose as I understand it.

So I'm just gonna push me to cut button, and we'll hope for the best.

See what happens with this prevision?

Looking like a pretty fast shot driving anyone surprised that this is a faster shot?

Yeah, that's a That's a pretty generous portion.

I don't think we're gonna let the Volumetrics control it next time.

I think we might put this scale underneath because our 17 ground yielded 74 grams of liquid a bit more than we wanted in a sort of 1 to 212 2.5 ratio here.

So So we're not drinking that one.

So we go two steps finer, and then we'll give it a go again.

I'll does maybe 18 grams on.

I'll aim for, like, 36 to 40 out.

I think you know, less than 36 would be deeply unwise.

And we'll see how long that takes.

I'm gonna try and tease 16.3.

We need some more coffee.

I just don't know if I can get past these little pincers without are damaging things.

I hate you so much right now.

We're not gonna be friends.

We're just not gonna be friends.

What do you do when you lock the porter filtered air?

But let me just explain this.

This this porter filter gets incredibly close to the grinding mechanism.

But you couldn't put your hand in there.

That's just stupid.

Okay, We're gonna be okay though.

All gonna be okay.

It's gonna be fine.

Everything's gonna be okay.

This brew profusion.

We're not getting much yet.

23 seconds into the shot.

There it is, like like nectar or just like a really slow this for us over that's get a taste awful.

His things and he's not happy.

Well, then, what just happened there?

Well, I suspect a number of terrible things happened at once to yield what we just saw.

Firstly, the gauge here got up to what it said was like 16 bars, which is which is a lot of pressure, too much pressure that those kind of pressures you compress the cake so much that you compound the problem like you make the cake harder to get through, which in this case makes this machine pump water harder.

It's a very stupid cycle to get into.

You don't want a machine running it really high pressure where you just get your ideal pressure by varying the resistance.

That's just that's just not a good way to work because of the issues with puck compression.

And then when you saw the end with that steamy release was, I guess the water spent too long in contact with a thermal block because it was flowing to slowly.

These things are not particularly accurate.

They're designed to heat water, that kind of fixed flow rate.

We will obviously much slower than that flow rate.

So I got a heated more than it should have been.

So all in all, everything went wrong with that shot, I will go back a little bit coarser because I went to find I go back one coarser, and I'll just make sure my dose is, like 17.5 as much as I can with this God awful, grander.

And then we'll see if we can pull like a decent shot, because I think I think together we can achieve anything.

Anyone who's able to withdraw their port a filter without spilling coffee is a jet I master of salts.

Why are we still at 60 in bus?

I mean, why?

Why do you hate me?

We're gonna go.

We're gonna go party much kalsa.

I'm gonna go much, Cole said, because nothing makes sense.

And I hate everything about this grinder.

This is not a good experience or far.

Okay?

What will happen now?

What will happen now?

He's got a little high.

This is president.

Looks terrible.

There's still a 34 35 2nd shot to hit our ratio can tell me how much I don't want to drink this.

I mean, the coffee in was nice.

This is a stupid coffee machine.

I hate this coffee machine.

It's a stupid coffee machine.

Look at this point.

The grind is definitely to course you need to grind finer, but because this thing's pump pressure is determined by resistance, you can't get good espresso out of it.

Can't be done, because once you produce adequate resistance, this thing will spike.

Massive pressures at the pump compressed the cake and Shoki shot.

You won't be able to get a normal flow rate from your very fine properly ground espresso ground coffee.

It's the stupidest coffee machine we've seen on this channel by a long way.

I hate it.

A really hated I feel like, you know, picking up the porter filter gave me this moment of, like, maybe this one completely suck, but it completely sucks.

All of the good ideas belong entirely in the Porta Filter, with this nice rubber bit for tamping.

The Tampa that comes with it is, of course, plasticky nonsense, but it's a £299 coffee machine.

I'm not so weird is to presume that it would be actually good or useful.

The water tank seems nice.

It's got a nice lead.

That's that.

That's, you know, good.

But it can't make good coffee and having a cup.

Trey, where if you put cups on top, make it really noisy, is also stupid.

It's just sloppily designed by something better.

If you want to be like this, get the sage.

Don't buy this.

This is £299 for a reason on is an absolute waste of money is terrible value.

It is for what you get.

Far too expensive you would be happier with, like a mocha pot on dhe, like a whisk.

And Cem Cem.

I don't know.

The steaming on this comes with a little plucky, twisted I'll Thing, which is, which is weird.

Little light flashing.

So did that thermal block is is heating up.

There's a steamy release.

It's too hot to make coffee.

That's cooling system.

It's got a nice that doesn't automatically probably looks pretty dramatic.

It seems to have adequate pressure for steam.

It's a single whole tape, which I don't love, but but I'm sure it could steam adequate milk from spectacular probably, But I mean, you know, to pour into what garbage tasting disgusting expressive, that this thing will produce on B'eianna.

Why do they even call it?

Won't stick algae on the front runners givin.

Be honest about it.

Shock horror.

Cheap supermarket does cheap coffee machine That is cheaper.

Not good.

This is offensive to me as a coffee machine.

This is why we have climate change issues.

Like how much resource, How much energy, how much material went into building this monstrosity to ship it around the world.

This is just This is just waste.

I hate it.

I am just so upset that this existed.

I feel stupid that I thought that attention lantern, Empire coffee machine might be fun to look at.

I'm just mad now.

I'm not gonna give this way on Petrie.

And I think I mean, I'll offer it up, but I would suggest that no one really asks for it.

Unless you wanna hack it.

If you want to take this into pieces, rewire it, make it work at an overpressure valve into the pump lines of it, can't produce stupid pressures.

Maybe Maybe you get some good results out of this.

Maybe it's a project for somebody.

I don't know, but it's just bad for some good news.

apart from this being a potential patient.

Give away every video right now Has a coffee give away if you need coffee.

If you can't afford coffee.

If you're in a difficult situation right now and coffee is part of your life hit the link up in description.

Down below.

I'll give away 10 bags to 10 people anywhere in the world that I can ship coffee too, and and I'll do my best to share a little bit of love right now.

But actually, if you're watching this and you've got one of these, has it been for you?

If you had a good experience, if you pulled good tasting espresso on it, is that possible?

Have you achieved a miracle?

Have you got the little gauge to go into the normal place?

Or is it just gushing through just terrible, terrible espresso of terrible nous?

Let me know.