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  • -That's my favorite song.

  • Guys, welcome to

  • "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • My name is Jimmy Fallon.

  • Thank you so much for tuning in to our shows.

  • We're trying to give you

  • a fresh hour of entertainment every single night.

  • It's been pretty grim news, every single day,

  • but today was a little glimmer of hope in New York City

  • that we may have flattened the curve,

  • which is, you know, far from over,

  • but, any good news, I'll take.

  • And I think that's awesome, that we're all staying at home.

  • It's working.

  • So, everyone staying at home, thank you so much

  • for doing that.

  • It is doing something,

  • so, I applaud every one of you for doing that.

  • I know how hard it can be.

  • I'm very lucky to have this house and this family,

  • but, it's tough, so, I applaud you guys.

  • Thank you for staying at home.

  • Let's flatten that curve.

  • We have a great show tonight.

  • Kerry Washington is on the show.

  • She's a good friend of our show

  • and she has a new show called "Little Fires Everywhere,"

  • that her and Reese Witherspoon are starring in on Hulu.

  • And get those two together, I'm there.

  • I'll watch that show anytime.

  • Her charity is...

  • and we thank Kerry for coming on.

  • We'll be talking to her later in the show.

  • Also, Andrew Rannells, from the show "Black Monday,"

  • will be on the show. On Showtime.

  • Andrew, he was supposed to be our show Friday,

  • before we left the studio.

  • His charity is Meal Train.

  • I've never heard of this.

  • This is a new charity to me,

  • but it's fascinating, how they're

  • feeding people that are on the front line.

  • It's a really cool way to do it

  • and I think kind of an unknown charity,

  • so that's a great thing

  • to broadcast to millions of people

  • watching our show on NBC and on YouTube,

  • so thank you so much.

  • Click on that and donate to that.

  • Very cool. Then, we're closing out the show

  • with Anderson Paak [ Clap ] and the Free Nationals!

  • Anderson Paak! He has a song

  • in the new "Trolls World Tour" movie,

  • [ Shouting in distance ] which is out today.

  • Right now, you can get it On Demand.

  • Go to -- Well, "'Trolls' movie" --

  • I don't know. Google "Trolls."

  • How do I watch the "Trolls" movie?

  • -I don't know, but we will be watching it.

  • -I know we'll -- more than once.

  • Really? You don't wanna hear "Mary Had a Little Lamb"

  • 150 times? -But we can do all.

  • -We can do all. -We've got time for all of it.

  • -Uh-oh, what's -- Oh, no.

  • You know I don't like one animal, and one animal only.

  • Oh! -Uh-oh.

  • -My goodness! What is this?

  • -[ Hissing ] -What sounds like that?

  • -[ Hisses ]

  • -Sna-a-a-a-a-a-a-ke!

  • [ Laughing ] Oh, no!

  • Get that snake away from me.

  • Aaaaah! Aaaaah!

  • I'm so scared of the snake. -Ahhhhh!

  • -Thank you so -- Oh, no.

  • Get that snake -- I'm afraid of the snake.

  • I'm afraid of paper cuts, too.

  • I will say that Anderson Paak's charity...

  • -Winnie, I wanna play that, too. -...That he is doing is...

  • ...which is raising money, 'cause a lot of the crews

  • that are part of these giant tours

  • and theses concerts are out of jobs as well.

  • And unemployment, honestly, is at an all-time high.

  • I don't know -- I mean, this is my crew,

  • so I don't know what I'd do without my wife.

  • Thank you, honey. -[ Chuckle ]

  • -And, Winnie and Frannie, thank you guys so much.

  • Again, Frannie, one of your best,

  • one of your best works.

  • I think, around here is where you just thought about,

  • you know, playing something else.

  • But it's Friday.

  • Let's go do some monologue jokes.

  • ♪♪

  • You wanna get up? [ Tapping ]

  • [ Patting thighs ] Come up! Up!

  • Up!

  • Up.

  • Good girl. Up.

  • Up.

  • Good girl. Sit!

  • -[ Laughing ]

  • -Good girl! Sit!

  • -[ Laughing ] -Good girl.

  • Gary. -Just tell her to be cute.

  • -Alright. Be cute.

  • -Aww. She's such a good dog. -[ Laughing ]

  • [ Sigh ]

  • Thank you, Gary.

  • Breathe! Breathe heavy. -[ Laughing ]

  • -On my leg.

  • -[ Laughing intensifies ] -Good girl. See?

  • We did a little trick I taught her. -"On my leg."

  • -Not many dogs know that one, huh?

  • But you do, Gary. You know it.

  • -[ Laughing ]

  • -[ Taps desk ]

  • Yeah. Welcome to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • Well, you guys, this Sunday is Easter.

  • Happy Easter, everyone.

  • You can tell everyone is trying

  • to be safe for the holiday.

  • Earlier today, I saw the Easter bunny

  • rubbing Purell on his jelly beans.

  • That's right, Easter is Sunday,

  • and it's hard to make things festive.

  • We're really in trouble. We don't even have

  • the fake grass to put in the Easter basket.

  • After the show, I'm gonna have to take a Kermit doll

  • and crank him through our pasta maker.

  • [ Laughs ]

  • That's right, it's almost Easter

  • and, even though everyone is in quarantine, on Sunday,

  • millions of parents will be like,

  • "Sweetie, I bought you this dress

  • and you're wearing it for my Instagram post."

  • -[ Laughs ]

  • -Gotta get those likes.

  • Let's get to some news. Dr. Fauci says he expects

  • that students will be able to return to school in the fall,

  • or, as homeschool students put it,

  • "Wow, that's just 40 months away."

  • Listen to this -- In London, two people

  • across the street from each other

  • performed "Romeo and Juliet"

  • while their neighbors kept yelling for them

  • to both drink poison.

  • [ Laughing ]

  • [ English accent ] It's 3:00 in the morning!

  • A man in England spent four days walking

  • up the stairs in his house until he ascended

  • the height of Mount Everest,

  • which just goes to show you, anything is possible

  • when you're avoiding homeschooling your kids.

  • And, finally, there's a website called

  • "Make Me a Cocktail" that shows you how

  • to make drinks with the ingredients in your fridge,

  • though, after a month of quarantine,

  • most people's only option is a duck-sauce-tini.

  • There you have it, everybody.

  • That is my monologue!

  • It is Friday and that's usually

  • when I send out some emails, I check on some stuff,

  • and I usually some write some thank-you notes.

  • Let's do some thank-you notes right now. Let's go.

  • [ Funk sting plays ]

  • James, can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?

  • ♪♪

  • Perfect.

  • Thank you, Bernie Sanders, for running such a principled

  • and inspiring presidential campaign.

  • Tonight, treat yourself to that whole bag

  • of Werther's Originals.

  • You've earned it.

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, recently released "Coachella" documentary,

  • for making me feel nostalgic about a woman in a flower crown

  • hugging me and then vomiting on my back.

  • ♪♪

  • We'll be back there soon, guys.

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, wearing face masks when you leave your house,

  • for making every trip to the grocery store feel like

  • "Mad Max: Fury Road."

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, quarantine,

  • for bringing out the best in Americans --

  • our resilience, our acts of support for one another,

  • and, for some reason,

  • an obscene amount of banana bread.

  • ♪♪

  • I'm on two loaves a week.

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, everybody leaving a Zoom conference,

  • for giving me a brief moment

  • to see how all of my coworkers are really feeling.

  • Bye, guys!

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, changing your bedsheets,

  • or, as it's called now,

  • cleaning your office.

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, not wanting to waste food,

  • for justifying last night's onion-and-cookie dinner.

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, NASA researchers announcing

  • there's gas coming from Uranus.

  • Hm. Ooh.

  • If only there was a joke there.

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, bathrooms,

  • or, as parents with toddlers call them now,

  • panic rooms.

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, America staying home.

  • Even though we're apart,

  • we can come together over one simple idea --

  • teachers should make a billion dollars.

  • ♪♪

  • Those are my thank-you notes.

  • We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

-That's my favorite song.

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今夜秀。在家版(感謝信-伯尼-桑德斯) (The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (Thank You Notes - Bernie Sanders))

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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