字幕列表 影片播放
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>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
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WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW" ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
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HI, JON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?
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>> HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
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I'M HANGING OUT IN THE HOUSE LISTENING TO MUSIC.
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>> Stephen: GOOD, GOOD.
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HAVE A HAPPY EASTER THIS WEEKEND.
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>> OH, YOU, TOO.
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YOU KNOW, I KNOW IT'S A STRANGE TIME FOR THE FAMILIES TO COME
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TOGETHER, BUT WE'RE GOING TO THE BEST WE CAN.
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>> Stephen: WELL, LISTEN, HAVE A HAPPY EASTER AND WE'LL SEE YOU
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SOON, I HOPE.
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>> SEE YOU.
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MUCH LOVE.
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>> Stephen: MUCH LOVE TO YOU, TOO.
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COVID-19 IS IMPACTING EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE.
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EVEN NON-HUMAN LIFE, BECAUSE LAST WEEKEND, A TIGER AT NEW
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YORK CITY'S BRONX ZOO TESTED POSITIVE FOR CORONAVIRUS.
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GREAT, NOW WE HAVE TO STAY SIX FEET AWAY FROM TIGERS, TOO?!
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COME ON!
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THE SICK TIGER IS GOING TO BE OKAY.
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THE ZOO BELIEVES SHE WAS INFECTED BY A ZOO EMPLOYEE WHO
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WASN'T YET SHOWING SYMPTOMS.
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SO I JUST WANT TO SAY: "HEY, TIGERS.
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CORONAVIRUS ISN'T JUST A HUMAN DISEASE ANYMORE.
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SO YOU HAVE TO STAY SAFE.
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THAT MEANS STAYING HOME UNLESS YOU ARE AN ESSENTIAL TIGER.
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SAY, IF YOU'RE A TIGER DELIVERING GROCERIES.
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OTHERWISE, IT'S NOT SO BAD: YOU CAN BINGE WATCH NETFLIX.
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OOH, YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT "TIGER KING."
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YOU'RE THE ONLY TRUSTWORTHY CREATURES IN THE WHOLE SHOW."
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IN FACT, IT'S THE BIGGEST THING ON TV RIGHT NOW.
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IT TELLS A TERRIFYING TRUE STORY FILLED WITH GUNS, DRUGS, ANIMAL
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ABUSE, POLYAMORY, AND A BIZARRE MURDER PLOT.
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IT'S JUST A HAPPY ESCAPE FROM REALITY.
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AND IT ALL CENTERS ON A BIZARRE FORMER ZOO OWNER NAMED "JOE
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EXOTIC."
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HE'S THE GUY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT, INCLUDING THE PRESIDENT.
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>> ONE OF THE BIGGEST RATING HITS OF THE CORONAVIRUS ASIDE
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FROM THESE BRIEFINGS HAS BEEN A SHOW ON NETFLIX CALLED "TIGER
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KING."
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HE IS ASKING YOU FOR A PARDON, SAYING HE WAS UNFAIRLY
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CONVICTED.
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YUR SON YESTERDAY JOKINGLY SAID THAT HE, YOU KNOW, WAS GOING TO
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ADVOCATE FOR IT, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD SEEN THE
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SHOW AND IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON PARDONING JOE
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EXOTIC.
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>> WHICH SON?
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MUST BE DON.
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>> IT WAS.
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>> I HAD A FEELING IT WAS DON.
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>> STEPHEN: YES, I HAD A FEELING IT WAS DON, TOO.
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BECAUSE ALL ERIC WATCHES IS "PAW PATROL."
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THE PRESIDENT SAYS, AND I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP, HE'S GOING TO
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LOOK INTO IT.
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WELL, I BEAT HIM TO THE PUNCH.
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BECAUSE I RECENTLY SNAGGED AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JOE
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EXOTIC LIVE FROM PRISON IN TEXAS WHERE HE IS CURRENTLY
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SERVING 22 YEARS WORTH OF COURT-ORDERED SOCIAL DISTANCING.
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JIM?
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>> THANK YOU THERE, MR. STEVIE, TO THE ICED COLD BEER.
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I'M THRILLED TO BE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT AND ESPECIALLY THRILLED
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TO BE YOUR MUSICAL GUEST PERFORMING MY NEW NUMBER-ONE HIT
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SONG "A LIGER ATE MY SHOES"!
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>> STEPHEN: OKAY, GOOD TO KNOW.
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BUT I WAS ACTUALLY HOPING TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS
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>> SURE, ABSOLUTELY.
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>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD.
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FIRST, I THINK AMERICA WANTS TO KNOW, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
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SINCE THE RELEASE OF THE DOCUMENTARY?
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>> I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU ASKED THAT, LITTLE STEVIE COLBERT.
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IT HAS BEEN LIKE A POOP PARADE ON PRUNE AVENUE AND I AM THE
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DANG ROUSTABOUT WHO GOT HANDED THE POOPER SCOOPER.
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DON'T JUST WHIZ IN MY SOUP AND CALL IT MINESTRONE CHRIS
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MALONEY, OKAY, BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR MANY MOONS THAT
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A GREAT RAIN IS COMING AND IT'S GONNA BE A PURPLE RAIN.
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A PURPLE RAIN AND PRINCE, THEM PURPLE PEOPL
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EATERS.
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AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE EATING, ASK CAROL
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BASKIN.
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>> STEPHEN: SO YOU'RE DOING WELL?
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>> YES.
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>> STEPHEN: GREAT.
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NOW, THE SERIES HAS SPARKED A LOT OF CONTROVERSY.
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DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WERE ACCURATELY PORTRAYED BY THE
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FILMMAKERS?
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>> I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU ASKED THAT LITTLE STEVIE B.J. AND THE
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COLBERT BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU THIS, THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF
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FUNKY RHUBARB PICKED IN THE TED SARANDOSPATCH
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THAT PAINTS ME LIKE SOME KINDA CHICKEN-FRIED FREAK-AZOID WHO IS
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CRAZIER THAN DOWNTOWN ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN.
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BUT, IN FACT, THAT'S JUST A COLONEL'S 12-PIECE BUCKET OF
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DEEP FRIED BALONEY BITES, AND I'M ACTUALLY A VERY
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DOWN-TO-EARTH PISTOL-PACKING DOUBLE HUSBAND
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HAVING MULLET MAN WITH JOIE DE VIVRE
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AND A LOVE OF AMERICA'S GREAT CIGARETTES.
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>> STEPHEN: SO YOU FEEL...
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YOU WERE TREATED UNFAIRLY?
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>> YES, SIR.
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>> STEPHEN: AND HAVE YOU ACTUALLY BEEN ALLOWED TO SEE
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THE SERIES WHILE IN PRISON?
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>> YOU KNOW, I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED THAT 1985 CHICAGO COLD TO
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THE CHAMPIONSHI BEARS, AND LET ME TELL YOU THIS, NO.
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I HAVE NOT SEEN IT BECAUSE THE ARYAN NATION CONTROLS THE REMOTE
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CONTROL IN THE SORT OF MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM.
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THEY HAVE BEEN BINGE WATCHING RERUNS OF "THE MASKED SINGER, SO
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I CAN'T GET ANYWHERE CLOSE IT TO SO I'M UP
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CRAP CREEK WITH A PICKLE FOR A PADDLE AND A GRINCH UP MY CRACK.
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>> STEPHEN: OKAY, GOOD TO KNOW.
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THAT REALLY PAINTS A PICTURE.
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LET'S CHANGE GEARS.
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HOW HAVE YOU BEEN HOLDING UP DURING THE CURRENT PANDEMIC?
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>> IT'S BEEN TOUGH BUT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HEAR THE
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PRESIDENT'S PRESS CONFERENCES EVERY DAY, AND THAT STUFF
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DOESN'T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE.
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>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, JOE EXOTIC.
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>> AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO DO ANY MURM ONE HIT SONG.
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LET ME GET INTO MY SINGING VOICE.
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♪ A LOGGERT AT MY SHOES ♪ ♪ AND NOW I SING THE BLUES FOR
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YOU ♪ ♪ I DON'T RUN ANY ZOOS FOR YOU ♪
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♪ WHEN THE LIGER ATE MY SHOES, TOO ♪
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>> Stephen: I'M AFRAID WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
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STAY SAFE IN THERE, JOE EXOTIC.
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WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
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>> YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING.
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I'LL BE HERE.
