idea what I'm going to talk about.. about, what I'm going to talk - whatever, sometimes

you need to end a sentence with a preposition.

Okay, so a while ago I was getting dressed for a cocktail party and I was putting on

like, proper fancy pants and everything, and I was looking at myself in the mirror, and

I said to Sarah, "I feel like I look like a middle aged man in this outfit". And then

Sarah paused for like a quarter second too long before saying, "Nonono you look great!"

And I realized, I look like a middle aged man, because I am a middle aged man.

Like if I die at double my current age, people won't be like, "Oh, it's a tragedy", they'll

be like, "Nyehh, he had a good run. Coulda been better, wasn't terrible".

My theory about middle age is that if you triple your current age, and that's like a

reasonable age for a human being to be, then you're not yet middle aged. I mean Hank you're

33, you triple that you're 99, that's right on the edge. I'm 36, you're triple that, that's

108. Living to 108 doesn't even seem like a good outcome to me. Anyway, there are tons

of obviously negative things about being middle aged, but there are also some advantages,

you know, like the stability of adulthood, and the pleasure of parenting.

But the biggest thing, Hank, is that no one expects me to know anything about pop culture,

which is great because I don't.

And this brings us, belatedly, to Justin Bieber.

To be honest with you, Hank, I know this sounds crazy, but I don't think I've ever heard a

Justin Bieber song. Actually, I'm gonna listen to like his top 5 songs right now, and see

if I've ever heard any of them. Hold on.

Okay, this one's called "Boyfriend". It has like, 3 hundred million views. I haven't heard

this song before. It's kinda good. Is he a rapper? It's a good song, I never heard it

before though. Alright, lets see the next one.

Okay, this one's called uh, this one's called "One Time". Oh he looks much younger in this

video. I kinda like this one as well. Although he just rhymed "knock" with "stop". Yeah,

I never heard that song before in my life.

Okay, let's see what's next. "Beauty and da Beat", featuring Nicki Minaj. Nope. Uh, I

have never heard "Beauty and da Beat".

I'm only gonna try one more. It's the most viewed one ever. It's called "Baby" and it

features Ludacris. This seems familiar to me. I feel like I have heard this song before.

I feel like I've heard it, but I feel like I've heard a cover of it or something? Anyway,

that one is definitely familiar. "Baby" featuring Ludacris is familiar to me.

So there you have it, I've heard one Justin Bieber song, I think.

And yet.

Despite my obvious and complete ignorance of Justin Bieber and his work, I can tell

you that Justin Bieber was recently arrested for DUI, driving a rented Lamborghini, and

in fact, I can tell you the color of that Lamborghini: it was yellow.

Why do I know this, Hank? Non-rhetorical question. Why do I know about it? I have no investment

in Justin Bieber, I mean I don't think he should drink and drive, but I don't think

anyone should drink and drive. Why do I know the color of that Lamborghini? Why do I have

the image of Britney Spears' shaved head imprinted upon my mind where I might be remembering,

I don't know, how to speak Dutch or something.

So Hank, I feel like a relatively small number of people raises someone up to the level of

celebrity, and then everyone gets to participate in like, relishing their downfall. It seems

to me that Justin Bieber is now more likely to be on the cover of tabloid magazines than

he was back when he was doing really well, like in the "Baby" era--

OHHHHHHH! "Baby"! It's from your song Hank! The "Ice Cream Changes" song, I know it because

of your song! If you don't know what I'm talking about, link in the Doobly-doo. But Hank, I

haven't heard that Justin Bieber song, I only heard your cover of it. I'm still zero for

Bieber! Or, I was, until I listened to those songs anyway, which I quite liked.

Hank, I don't want to excuse anyone's behaviour, and I certainly don't want to act like celebrity

is the most troubling form of oppression out there. But I do worry about the way we approach

celebrities' problems with relish. Not so much because it's bad for the celebrities,

but because I think it might be bad for us.

I don't think relentless public chastising much helps anyone. If it did, we would see

this happen less, and we aren't.

Hank, it's really hard to choose what we pay attention to, but I think in a lot of ways

it's also one of the most important choices we make.

So here's to sober driving, imagining others complexly, and not paying attention to the

color of someone else's rented Lamborghini.

Hank, I'll see you on Friday.