Asfaras I'm concerned, anysuccess I haveachievedas a writerofffiction I haveachievedbecause I'm anhonestwriteroffictionbecausemypeoplearerealpeoplebecauseyoucareaboutthem.
Thehardesttimeformewasstartingout.
It's a very, veryyoungwriter.
I wroteshortstoriesand I sentthemouttoplacesthatcouldconceivablypublishedthem.
Andtheyallcamebackand I lookedatthestorieswhichwentoutandcamebackandwentout.
Wecamebackand I thought, OK, well, oneoftwothingsistruehereeither.
I'm notgoodenough.
Oh, I don't understandtheworld.
I don't thisstuff I don't getthisstuff I needtoknow.
Okay.
Soasofftoday, I amnow a freelancejournalistspecializingintheworldofpublishingonfantasyandsciencefiction.
And I decided I was a journalistbecause I thoughtthatgivesmelicensetoaskquestions.
TherewastheMilfordWriter's Workshop, and I wassittingtherewith a bunchoffantasticwriterslikeGwynethJonesandDianaWynneJones, MaryGentleonDDE.
I realizedveryveryquicklythatmyreactionstostorieswiththingslike I likethis.
I don't likethisSothisisgood.
Thatwasn't theirreaction.
Theywererespondingtostorieson a muchdeeperlevel.
Theywerereadingdifferentstorieswhat I wasreading, and I realized I wasreadingthestoriesasanaudience, andtheywerereadingstoriesascraftspeople, aspeoplewhobuiltthesethings.
Thesepeoplewhodidthison I alsorealized I waswrong.
I waswrongif I wantedtobe a writerandtheywererightonDDE.
Thatexperience, morethananythingelse I think, changedmeonit.
changedmemostlybecause I realizedthatinordertowritefiction, I neededtobehonest.
Upuntilthatpoint, I had I had a facilitywiththevoices.
I coulddoessentiallyimpressionsofotherwriters.
I couldwritethingsthatfeltkindoflikethingsthatarethewriterswouldhavewrittenandwrittenwell.
But I didn't haveanythingtosay, andthatwasn't because I hadn't lived.
Thatwasbecause I wasn't reallypreparedtosayanythingtrueaboutwho I waas.
I didn't wanttobejudged.
I didn't wantpeoplereadinganyofmystoriestoknowwho I waasorwhat I thought.
I wanttogetintooclose.
And I realizedthatifyou'regoingtooright, you'regonnabe a successfulwriter, leastifyou'regonnabethekindofwriterwhodidthekindofstuffthat I wasgoingtodo, youhadtobewillingtodotheequivalentofwalkingdownthestreetnaked.
Youhadtobeabletoshowtoomuchofyourself.
Youhadtobejust a littlebitmorehonestthanyouwerecomfortablewithAndi.
Andwhatwasstrangeisonce I starteddoingthatwhen I wasexpectingtobejudgedorshunned, ororpeople's opinionsthat I havetodealwiththingsandwhat I discoveredwasactuallytheiropinions.