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  • -Hey, guys. Welcome back to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • My name is Jimmy Fallon.

  • I want to thank you guys so much for watching our show.

  • And we've gotten such amazing feedback

  • from around -- not just the country, but the world.

  • And so it really means a lot to us

  • that you're choosing to watch us to -- to make you laugh

  • and kind of give you a little ease in the tense times.

  • Thank you very, very much.

  • We definitely got some -- some notice

  • from a couple corporations

  • that wanted to help us out in raising money.

  • So I really want to thank --

  • State Farm is willing to --

  • Get ready for this, guys. This is big news.

  • They're going to match up to $100,000,

  • with all the money going to Red Cross.

  • They're going to match this week up to a hun--

  • that's $200,000 we can raise this week.

  • So please donate to right here --

  • redcross.org/statefarm.

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you

  • to our neighbors at State Farm for doing that.

  • That means a lot to us,

  • and we'll be talking about this this whole week

  • on our show tonight.

  • I hope everyone who stayed at home had a --

  • Oh, hi, buddy. Nice to see you.

  • We -- You can show what we did, Frannie, right?

  • What did we do over the weekend?

  • Can we...? We -- No, we --

  • we colored this in, didn't we? -Yes.

  • -Now, Winnie, did you color any of this?

  • -Yeah.

  • -This is our market stand/lemonade stand

  • that took us four days to do.

  • I was just -- look at these colors.

  • I mean, are you kidding me?

  • And so I thought what would be fun is that

  • we could use it as -- almost like a desk,

  • like Daddy's desk at work,

  • and I could read you some jokes.

  • Do you guys want to hear some jokes?

  • -No. [ Laughs ]

  • -We have an amazing show tonight.

  • Kim Kardashian West is my guest.

  • We'll be Zooming with her,

  • talking about her new documentary airing on Oxygen

  • about criminal justice reform

  • and, also, all the money she's giving

  • through her company SKIMS to charity,

  • which is really awesome that she's doing that.

  • Then we're gonna talk to music superstar Jon Bon Jovi,

  • who is doing amazing stuff with JBJSoulKitchen.org --

  • that is his charity that he's talking about today.

  • We'll be talking to Jon about that

  • and, also, his new song that you can sing with him through.

  • You'll see later in the show.

  • Then we have great music from OneRepublic.

  • I'm so happy you guys did that for us.

  • Thank you so much, OneRepublic.

  • Brand-new song from them from their home.

  • I thought it would be kind of cool

  • to do some monologue jokes now, so let's get going.

  • Here we go.

  • Welcome to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • Let's get to some news.

  • Well, guys, in these crazy times,

  • Taco Bell announced that, tomorrow,

  • they're offering every American one free Doritos Locos Taco.

  • Experts are calling it

  • "not what we need during a national toilet paper shortage."

  • [ Fireplace hissing softly ]

  • Love the nice hiss of the gas fireplace.

  • [ Fireplace hissing softly ]

  • Meanwhile, over in Moscow,

  • a citywide quarantine has been imposed

  • where everyone will be trapped by a smart monitoring system,

  • and residents will need permission to leave their homes,

  • or, as that's known in Russia, Monday.

  • Some sports news -- the Wimbledon tennis tournament

  • is the next big sporting event that will be canceled.

  • Don't worry -- if you still want to hear

  • men and women grunting all day,

  • just listen to the quarantined couple next door who won't stop.

  • Earmuffs, you know.

  • Some business news -- as of Friday,

  • the videoconferencing company Zoom

  • has valued at more than $40 billion,

  • or roughly as much as Uber,

  • which makes sense, since they're both places

  • where users have no idea how to mute themselves.

  • Listen to this -- I heard that a lot of people

  • are doing virtual sessions with their therapists,

  • but it's hard because they can't talk

  • about their significant others.

  • When the doctor says, "How's your relationship?"

  • you have to go, "It's very good."

  • I saw that some people have been posting

  • throwback photos of themselves online.

  • Gets awkward when you comment,

  • "Wow, you looked so young back then,"

  • and they're like, "That was from two weeks ago."

  • This isn't good -- last night, a Dutch museum says

  • that a Vincent Van Gogh painting was stolen.

  • Apparently, the security guard tried stopping the thieves,

  • but he couldn't get within six feet of them.

  • [ Rhythmic tapping ]

  • Listen to this -- according to a new study,

  • the majority of medical marijuana

  • is stronger than it needs to be for pain relief purposes.

  • You can read more about the study

  • in the "Journal of American Narc Physicians."

  • And finally, the movie "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"

  • hit theaters 30 years ago today.

  • They all wore masks, ate lots of pizza,

  • and were hidden away from society.

  • So, basically, we're all Ninja Turtles now.

  • Thank you very much.

  • That's our monologue right there, everybody.

  • Hey, we want to check in on our very good friend,

  • one of my best friends.

  • You know him -- you love him -- Steve Higgins.

  • So I got to check in on him today.

  • He's doing great.

  • Here's Steve at home with his family.

  • Higgins!

  • -Hey! How's it going, man?

  • -Hey. I missed your face, dude.

  • How you doing, buddy? You look great.

  • -Oh, so good. Everything's good.

  • Everything's as good as can be.

  • -Where are you now? Where -- Where exactly are you?

  • -We're -- We're at the house -- the boys and I and Ellen.

  • We're staying at the house.

  • And Anna's staying in the city, nursing at Mount Sinai West.

  • -Oh, my. -God bless her.

  • -How is she doing? I love Anna so much.

  • I'm so proud of her, dude.

  • -She is thank-- She's just --

  • She says she's just exhausted every night.

  • So she just comes home and goes to sleep, goes back --

  • [Chuckling] wakes up, goes back into work,

  • and she's on the front line, so...

  • -She's on the front lines for us, fighting for us.

  • Tell her I'm so proud of her, please,

  • and give her my best... -Oh, I will.

  • -...'cause I knew her when --

  • I used to call her "Anna Banana."

  • She was 5 when I -- -Yeah.

  • [ Chuckling ] Exactly.

  • I mean, you did meet her when she was 5 years old.

  • How crazy is that?

  • -And -- And you have your -- Are your sons there, as well?

  • -Yep, all three of them are here.

  • And then Ellen's here, and we're just at the -- at the house,

  • trying to kind of -- just staying quarantined.

  • But I tell you, watching you and Frannie

  • has really made me -- it's made all our days.

  • It's so fun. -Oh, dude --

  • -Just watching her climb -- climb all over you.

  • [ Both laugh ] -Yeah. No, there's no rules.

  • I mean, they're -- they're kids, so the kids are gonna be kids.

  • -Dad! -Okay, bud.

  • -Dad!

  • -Just let me talk to Jimmy for a second. Okay.

  • -Dad? -Alright, alright.

  • -What? -[ Chuckling ] Okay.

  • Alrighty. Okay. Alright.

  • [ Laughter ] -Dad?

  • -Got him! Got him! -Dad!

  • -Alright. -Mom!

  • -Alright. -Oh, bunny ears.

  • [ Chuckles ] -Alright.

  • -Stop! Ohh! -[ Laughing ] Okay.

  • -Oh. Uh, say, guys --

  • -Okay, okay, everybody back. Get back there.

  • Ohh!

  • -Alright, okay.

  • -I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna let you go, okay, bud?

  • -Ohh! [ Laughter ]

  • -Take care. Um, I'll talk you to later on, alright?

  • I'll -- I'll text you.

-Hey, guys. Welcome back to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

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今夜秀。在家版(獨白,史蒂夫-希金斯檢查)。 (The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (Monologue, Steve Higgins Checks In))

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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