AUDIENCE BOOS

BUZZER

And that was 11.3 seconds.

Sorry, Michael, you will not be getting a second date.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Ronaldo there, being booked by the referee for taking his shirt off.

He should know the rules by now.

You are not allowed to take the referee's shirt off.

LAUGHTER, BUZZER

Well, in this Grand National,

as they come round to the Chair for the second time,

the music stops.

LAUGHTER

Red Rum is eliminated.

BUZZER

And you join us now for the diving. Here we go.

Oh, that wasn't very impressive. Oh, no, sorry. Oh, no.

You join us here for the swimming. Right.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Well, I think from here, he's going to go for the top right-hand corner.

And he does!

THAT is how you stick on a stamp!

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Judges there, all very impressed.

A textbook reverse tuck.

You're watching RuPaul's Drag Race.

LAUGHTER, BUZZER

Is that Maria Sharapova

or Mock The Week's Olga Koch?

BUZZER

Thank you for joining us.

We've got a very exciting afternoon of sport ahead of us.

But, first, the golf.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Welcome to the World's Strongest Man competition,

where we see Dave from Sunderland attempt to pull a bus.

They really will shag just anything.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

And now time for the gay horses...

I mean, dressage.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

And he has rested the ball there perfectly on the cushion.

This really is a lovely new saddle they've made for Lance Armstrong.

LAUGHTER, BUZZER

Well, at the start of the day, I asked if he'd got the bottle.

Now he has proved he has got the bottle.

That is my bottle. Give me my bottle!

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Will it be gold? Will it be silver? Will it be bronze?

Who knows what colour the Russians' urine test will be?

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Oh, and here they come, running onto the field completely naked,

wearing nothing but shoes. This is an absolute dis...

Sorry? I'm being informed that horses always look like that.

This is my first time doing The Grand National.

LAUGHTER, BUZZER

At the end of that round, the points go to Olga, Hugh and Rhys.