All right?

So my first job in Tech was an internship at a Blockchain company.

And in true startup fashion interns did everything from writing documentation to getting milk at the grocery store.

Um, so these interns had a variety of backgrounds, and about two weeks into my internship, I decided to be social, and I joined some of my colleagues for beers, and I met the previous intern whose job I had taken over.

And she was perfect, really, Like an M I T educated engineer.

She had some experience in back and development, and she was also just like a really, really nice person.

And I was terrified, really.

I just kept thinking about like how I couldn't compete with her.

And if you're thinking yourself like Carolyn like, why do you need to compete with her like she didn't even work there at the same time?

Then you need to understand a little bit about my background.

So I come from print journalism, and they're everything feels like a competition.

There just aren't enough jobs or bylines out there for everyone.

And it doesn't help that almost every journalism student I know thinks that they're going to be like the exception to the rule myself included.

But because of this I considered all of my peers competitors, and this escalated to the point that even when some of my closest friends were successful, I was left with this, like, horrible feeling.

I was happy for them like sure, but I just felt so inadequate.

And if you let it like, this kind of feeling can really eat you alive.

So back to my supposed in turn competitors, Well, we did end up being friends, but that was only because she introduced me to this concept called Shine Theory.

So Shine Theory is a concept created by Amina to Sew and Ann Friedman, and, according to their website Shine theory dot com, it's defined like this.

Shine theory is an investment over the long term in helping someone be their best self and relying on their help in return.

It is a conscious decision to bring your full self to friendships and not let insecurity or envy ravage them.

Shine theory is a commitment to looking around at the people in your life and asking yourself, Would we be better as collaborators than competitors?

And the answer is almost always yes, and when I first heard about this, I was like, No, no way.

This is impossible, like there's no possible way that this could happen, Which is an understandable reaction if you've been socialized to think otherwise.

But I gave it a shot, and I made the decision to evaluate all of my newfound tech relationships through this lens.

And it's wild like how wrong I was before.

Turns out that this community can be incredibly kind to you if you let it.

And for me, just this small mindset switch really enabled me to establish a group of like, unbelievably supportive people who have, like, seen me through a career change.

They support me and take me seriously when I explore new ideas, despite what my CV might say, And, you know, they pushed me into new opportunities like public speaking or organizing a meet up.

And while some of these relationships are kind of like a mentor mentee structure, most of them aren't rather, I've learned how to look horizontally and learn from my peers, which wouldn't have impossible with my mindset that I had four years ago.

On the other side, I'm slowly learning how to pay it forward.

So I'm trying to learn how to find the joy and watching other people achieve their goals and supporting them along their way towards that goal.

And it's been a process.

But so far, investing and others has turned out to be a really good way to invest in myself.

But it can be hard to practice shine theory.

I understand that.

And even after years of working on it, I still fail.

Sometimes, for example, a new junior developer was added to my team about a month ago, and before that, me, as the current least experienced develop around the team, was like immediately freaked out.

And I kept asking questions like Okay, but what if she comes in and she's better than me?

Or what if she comes in and she's better than me now and like, wouldn't that be really embarrassing?

Will I still get a promotion like I spiraled?

Really, But now I'm able to recognize those feelings and not let them consume me because I know that they're misleading and even if something does go wrong, I now have a support system to help me through it, and I would have never learned how to do this without the community to teach me that this is even possible.

So thank you.