Uh, you'vehadsomuchattentionoverthislastcoupleofyears, and I'vebeendiggingintotheresearchandjustbeenfascinatedbyeverythingthatyou'vebeenup.
Thioand I justloveyourstanceonthevisionyouhaveforhumanityintermsofhowwecanalllivebetterlives.
And I thinkyousimplify a lotofthingsinthisbook, whichsomethingspeopledon't liketosimplifyitliketocomplicate.
And I thinkthat's what's gottenyou.
A lotofattentionisthatyoutrytoreallysimplify a lotofthese.
Well, I trytomakeeverythingconcretesothatit's actuallyimplementable, right?
I mean, there's a lotofhighlevelabstractionsinthebookbecauseitrangesupintothetheologicalandthephilosophical, butit's alwaysgroundedinwhatyoucanactuallydoinyourlife.
I wouldsaywhenwesaythatweunderstandsomething, it's kindof a statestrangephrasetounderstandsomething, butitmeanstobeabletoembodyitin a shiftofviewand a shiftofactionandthenyou'vegotit.
It's graspable.
It's inyourhand.
Embodysomethingin a shiftofyou, mother, you'resayingwhatisthesamething?
Thatcameonandthenyouactitoutandthenyou'vegotthat's thenthenit's It's becomepartofyourlifeisnotjust a itisnotjust a philosophicalabstractionthatfloatsfreeinspace.
So, yeah, sothebookandallmylectures, I supposeareare, areputforwardinanattempttotakethehighlevelphilosophicalabstractionsandtomakethemintosomethingthat's actionableandtotakethenextbestactioninyourlifetoimproveyourlife.
It's oneofitsunderlyingmessageis, let's sayorthemesis a betterwayofthinkingaboutit.
Um, youknow, ifyoustartwiththepresumptionthatthere's a baselineofsufferinginlifeandthatthatcanbeexaggeratedbyas a consequenceofhumanfailingas a consequenceofmalevolenceandbetrayalandselfbetrayalanddeceitandallthosethingsthatwedotoeachotherandourselvesthatweknowthataren't good.
Soifyouthink, forexample, ifyouthinkaboutthepeoplethatyouadmirewhileyouthinkaboutwhenyouhave a clearconsciencefirst, becausethat's a goodthingtoaimat, whichissomethingdifferentthanhappiness, right?
Andsoyou'renotwakingup a threeinthemorningin a coldsweat, thinkingaboutalltheterriblethingsthatyou'veinvolvedyourselfin, whatyousaidtosomeonethatyoushouldn't havesaidandwhyyouactedorwhatopportunityyoulostoryeah, ororthethingsthatyou'vethatyou'veletgo, thatyoushouldhavecapitalizedonallofthat.
Themostguilt I thinkthatyoucanexperience, perhaps, isthesureknowledgethatyou'renoteventakingcareofyourselfsothatyou'releavingthatresponsibilitytootherpeoplebecausethat's prettypathetic.
And I unlessyourpsychopathicandyouknowandyou'reliving a parasiticallifeonDDEthatcharacterizes a verysmallminorityofpeopleandanevensmallerminoritythinkthat's justifiable.
Whenyoureallyliketoseeinanathleticperformance, youreallyliketoseesomeonewho's extremelydisciplinedandinshapedosomethingphysicallyremarkablebutandtostretchthemselvesevenbeyondtheirpreviousexploits, becauseyoureallyliketosee a brilliantmoveinanathleticmatch.
ButyoualsoliketoseethatpersoninSconceTin a broadermoralframeworksothatnotonlyaretheytryingtowinanddiscipliningthemselvesinpursuitofthatvictoryandthenstretchingthemselvessothey'recontinuallygettingbetter, butthey'redoingitin a waythathelpsdeveloptheirwholeteam, andthat's goodforthesportingeneral.
Andthatreflectswellonthebroaderculture a greatleaderandtheirteam.
Youcanseethespontaneousappreciationforthehumanspiritmanifestitselfwhenyouseepeoplerisetotheirfeetspontaneouslyin a sportsarena, whentheyseesomeonedosomethingparticularlyremarkable, seeanathletewho's extremelytrainedstretchthemselvesbeyondwhatyouthinkis a normativehumanlimit, andeveryonecelebratesthatlikespontaneously.
Soit's quitesomething, too.
Yeahtobehold.
Sotakemebackto a responsibilityandmeetingwhenwe'rewatchingsportsforsomeonetodothisact.
Nowit's noteasy, andmaybethatwouldmeanmaybethatwouldmeanthatyoustarttodisciplineyourselfwithregardsto a particularsport.
Butitmightalsobethatyoustarttomimicorareatleastaffectedinsomewaybytheirsportsmansportsmanlikebehaviorright, whichisthegroundof a certainkindofethic.
Becauseifyoucanplaywellwithothers, whichissortofthehallmarkof a goodsportthanthatactuallymeansthatyou're a reasonablysophisticatedandcivilizedperson, it's reallyimportanttolearntoplaywellwithothers.
So, uh, so I'vebeentalkingtomyaudienceis a lotaboutthataboutwell, there's moretoit, too, becauseifthebackgroundoflifeisis, there's anineradicablecomponentofsuffering.
Andthat's complicatedby, let's say, malevolenceandtheproclivityofpeopletobetradethemselvesandothers, whichwhichcomplicatesit, makesitworsethentheifyoudon't have a nobleaim, andifthatisn't imbuingyourlifewithsustainablemeaning, thenyoufallpreytoallthecatastrophe, thepainandtheanxietyandtheangerthatthatsufferinggenerates.
Andifwedon't havesometypeofAmy, eveniffor a fewmonthsovenaimofgoingsomewheredirectionwe'regonnasufferingisgonnabeevenmoresufferingpointlessbecausewe'realreadygonnafacethegreatestchallenge.
Soit's notonlythatifyoudon't have a goal, yousuffer.
It's thatyou.
Ifyoudon't have a goal, yousuffer, andthenyougetcruelandbitterandresentful, andthenyoustarttoactivelytrytomaketheworld a worseplace, andsosobecauseyoucan't sufferpointlesslywithoutbecomingbitter, andyoucan't becomebitterwithoutbecomingcruel.
Sothenthequestionis, whatshouldyour A and B Wehave a programisoneofthethings I wantedtotalktoyouabouttoday I havethiswebsitecalledselfauthoringdotcom, andthatprogramhelpspeoplewriteabouttheirlife.
Andsothere's a pastauthoringprogram T.
Toestablish a ream, youhavetoknowwhereyouare.
It's likeyou'retryingtoorientyourselfon a map.
Youcan't orientyourselfon a mapunlessyouknowwhereyouare.
Youalsohavetoknowwhereyou'regoing, right?
Sothosearethetworelevantthings.
Thepastarethree.
Programhelpspeoplewriteabouttheirlife, soit's a guidedautobiography.
I wroteaboutthisinchapter 10 whichisbepreciseinyourspeech.
It's a chapteraboutthefactthatAmesstructureyourperception.
So, forexample, onceyouaimatsomething, yourbrainliterallythatperceptualstructuresinyourbraininyourvisualcortexreorientthemselvestocalculate a pathwaytotheaim.
Justlikejustlikewhenyou'redrivingin a carandyouhave a mapandyouoryouaimat a particularplace, thenallthethingsthatarerelatedtothatplaceshowupintheworld.
It's exactlythesamethingbecauseyouaretravelingthroughtimeandspace, right, andyouneed a map.
Andsosoafteryouanswerthesesevenquestions, andyou'reencouragedtodoitbadlybecauseyoudon't havetoget a perfectionisticjustcompleterightbecauseofbad.
But I camefrom a littletowninnorthernAlberta, was a heavydrinkingtown, andandthatcouldhavebeen a realtrapforme, youknow, Andandsoanyway, sowehavethesepeoplesayOkay, nowyouknowyourweaknesses, Andyouknowwhatparticularhellyouwoulddescendtoifyouallowedyourselftodescendintoitbecauseyouprobablyhave a tasteofit.
It's likeyoureallyletthatgo.
Andyou'rein a terribleplacein 3 to 5 yearsbecauseyouhaven't donewhatyoushoulddo.
Whatdoesthatlooklike?
It's like, writeitdown.
So, youknow, becauseoneofthethingsyouwanttohavebehindyoulet's say I dosomethingdifficultlikewillconfrontyourboss.
There's thatbecauseit's sodeepifyoudon't, uh, experiencethepainnoworthedifficultynow, you'regonnahave a deeperpainlater.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's likelodgedeeperpain.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Andthat's why I thinkthatyoumentionedatonepointislikeputtingourselvesinstructuredpainlike, structuredsenseoffeelingpainthroughoutthedaywillbethetoughconversation I don't wanttodo.
Thatispainful, but I'm goingtobecause I knowafterwardsit's gonnaprobablyfeelbetter.
It's a bitof a sacrifice, right?
Soyousacrificedstabilityinthepresentfor a gaininthefuture.
That's thebigdiscoveryofhumanbeings.
Wereyousacrificework?
Wereyou a bigathletegrowingup?
No.
No, but I knowwhat I was a lotofsmallkid I skippedthegreat, although I skiedand I wentcrosscountryskiinganditsindividualsportsThanksmostlywithmydad.
Youknow, I reallyseenthebenefits, forexample, forweightlifting, because I'vewatchedbecause I'm 58 50.
Holdon 56th.
Great.
No, I'm soonas I'm gettingolder.
And I reallynoticedthedifferencebetweenpeopleandwhentheyagebetweenpeoplewholaiddown a goodphysiologicalplatformwhentheywereyoungandthosewhodidn't becausebythatifyouhaven't workedoutweights, particularly, I didn't sayYoustarttogetprettysoftinyourthirtiesandyourcardiovascularsystemstartstogoandreallyearly.
Sosothenwesaytopeople, TakeyourpawsdivisionandmakeitintoeightStaydoblegoals, rightSoandthenrapedthemin a hierarchybecauseyouneedtoknowwhatthetopgoalandthenanincrementalgoldandthat, Well, that's theotherthingisbreakthegoalsintoincrementalgoalssothatyouhave a reasonableprobabilityofsucceedingbecausewhatyouwanttodothisisalsowhatyouwanttodowiththekid.
Youdon't tellyourkid.
Hereisanimpossiblething.
Whydon't yougooutandfail?
Yousay, Here's somethingworthgoingafter.
Here's a stepyoucouldtakethatwouldpushyoubeyondwhereyouare, butthatyoualsohave a reasonablyhighprobabilityofsucceedingatit.
Andthat's a That's a conceptthatwasgeneratedby a guynamedVicGotSki.
Hewas a Russiandevelopmentalpsychologist, andthesmartoneiswheretheideaofthezonecomesfrombeingthezone.
Andwhenyou'reinthezone, you'reexpandingyourskillsin a mannerthat's intrinsicallyrewardingbecauseyou'resucceeding.
Andsoyouwanttoset.
Ifyou'regoodtoyourself, youthink, Okay, I needtoset a goal, but I needtoset a goalthatsomeoneisstupidanduselessasmecouldprobablyattainiftheyputsomeeffortintoit.
Scentofreasonsforunless I canthinkofbetteroneswithoutbetterones, that's goodenoughbecause I thinkthequestioncomesbackThioafteryouknow, someonecouldgodowntherabbitholeandsay, Why?
Whyam I doingthis?
Andwhyisthisyouknow, meaningfulforme?
And I think a lotofpeoplegobacktoWhyam I hereinthefirst?
Yes, Whyam I here?
Whatisthemeaningofmylife?
Andisthisreallyall?
Oristhisjustsomedreamworld?
Well, andthenandthenpeopledogobacktothat.
Andthentheygetstuckonthat.
Yeah.
What?
Noneofthisevenmatters.
Becausewhyam I havinghere?
Well, thethingis, isthatthat's a selfdefeatingsetofpropositions, insomesense, becauseoftheconsequenceofbeingstuckthere.
Andsothenwhatyoudiscoveristhatthere's a spiritwithinyouthatpursuesthatcanpursuesomethingmeaningfulthathastheresilienceandthestrengthtocontendproperlywiththecatastropheofexistencewithoutbecomingbitter.
That's actuallythecentralsoandthen I wouldsaythat's oneofthecentralthemesof 12 rulesforlife.
Wow, yes, it's a verygoodthingtoknow, andit's notnaiveoptimism.
It's a verydifferentthing.
It's like, no, thingsareterrible, they'rebrutalandyouaresodamntough.
Youcan't believeit.
So, wow, whatwhat's beenthebiggestchallengeinyourlifethatyouhadovercomethebiggestsufferingthattookmethelongesttogetbeyondtoimprove, havingthembringyoudownisnothelpingthepersonwhohastheproblem.
It's thesamewithmydaughter's likehavemywifeand I deterioratedas a consequenceofhercondition, eh?
And I wroteaboutthisinthelastchapterofmybook, whichiscalledPet a catwhenyouencounteroneinthestreetandit's aboutit's aboutdealingwith, youknow, youthink, What's theworstthingthatcanhappentoyou?
Well, I thinktheworstthingisthatyoudosomethingreallyhorribleandyouscrewupyourlifeandeveryone's lifearoundyou.