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  • (cheerful Christmas music)

  • (upbeat Christmas music)

  • - Hi, this video starts in a car on the way to Portsmouth.

  • 'Cause I wanted to show you a little bit about what I do

  • kind of off the internet, most of the time.

  • Which is I go and I give talks to people

  • about how to use the internet.

  • Is what we're doing today.

  • We're gonna go and talk at the special lovely Google place

  • that is called

  • - The Digital Garage in Portsmouth.

  • - The Google Digital Garage and we're helping people

  • who are freelancers or have small companies work out

  • how best to use YouTube and Google

  • to help their business grow.

  • And I'm also tired, already. But it's gonna be good.

  • I feel peppy. Clara also feels peppy.

  • - Oh sorry I didn't, yeah I'm excited I like these things.

  • We usually meet really nice people who are just really happy

  • to learn so, yeah.

  • - She doesn't love driving though.

  • - I don't mind it now, just wait for the traffic

  • and then I will hate it, it's coming.

  • (bouncy Christmas music)

  • - YouTube creator, Jess to our space.

  • Would you please come and join us.

  • (audience applauds)

  • - That's not me.

  • - No that's not you.

  • (audience laugh)

  • (bouncy Christmas music)

  • - And that's why I still make videos, because

  • I want the little teenage me who didn't have

  • anyone to look up to, who didn't have a role model

  • that she could see who was disabled or had a chronic illness

  • or even just you know, a fem lesbian.

  • I want her to be able to have someone

  • that she can look up to.

  • And know that she can get there too.

  • So that's why I make videos.

  • (crowd members exclaim)

  • - Wow. Thank you.

  • (audience applaud)

  • (bouncy Christmas music)

  • - So, let's get some light in the situation.

  • Oh, look you can see Clara's highlight.

  • (laughs)

  • Wow you fancy.

  • (laughter)

  • So it's the end of our working day.

  • We are done. I am done. I have a headache.

  • But I was gonna go home and edit the video

  • that's supposed to be going out today but

  • I don't think that's gonna happen.

  • Because, it requires a lot more work

  • than I feel I'm able to do. I think my head hurts.

  • So I'm gonna go do a Q & A

  • with my wife.

  • And then that'll be today's video.

  • So, welcome to a different video. Hi.

  • This is now today's video, it's a Q & A. Enjoy.

  • Thank you for watching.

  • And bearing with me.

  • Hello lovely people.

  • So, this isn't actually the video I had planned

  • for the day. But things just got away with me, you know?

  • It just got a bit too much and I was like

  • oh, I'm not going to be able to edit this one on time.

  • Okay and then Claudia came home and I was like

  • come and do a Q & A with me.

  • So that's what we're doing right now instead.

  • We're gonna answer some of your festive and not so

  • festive questions that I asked you

  • on our Instagram @jessieandclaud

  • which you can go and find in the description a link to that

  • go and follow us, we're cute and currently festive.

  • And considering my pent up feelings of the day

  • it's rather appropriate, basically I push myself too hard.

  • Let's be honest, I do.

  • I would like to be able to detach my sense of self worth

  • from my productivity levels, but that's a work in progress.

  • We'll get there eventually.

  • And also marvelously appropriate that today's advent

  • calendar gave the beautiful, give yourself a break

  • about that thing, that's been stressing you.

  • And that's what I'm doing right now with this video.

  • If by the way you get confused about how I am somehow

  • able to understand my wife despite the fact I'm deaf.

  • I actually have a video which explains that too and

  • you can watch that, that will be in a card above.

  • If I remember because let's be honest I'm exhausted

  • and I have brain fog.

  • But one thing I really like about Vlogmas is filming

  • everyday kind of gives you quite a fair

  • gives you an idea of what life is like living with a

  • chronic illness because throughout the rest of the year

  • only (stumbles over words)

  • I make videos and post them and only film or do livestreams.

  • When I'm feeling well, when I'm feeling good.

  • And my brain is making its connections so then it's quite

  • interesting when we do Vlogmas to be able to show you that

  • that's not everyday. That's not everyday.

  • I can't always think in a linear fashion.

  • And I can't always stay awake for a while.

  • We'll see, I've been pretty exhausted today.

  • But hopefully I'll make it through this video.

  • I mean, I really hopefully, I shouldn't crash out

  • because that's just rude.

  • Hello lovely people and welcome.

  • Why actually

  • - I'm wearing my Christmas jumper!

  • - Oh, yes.

  • I look apparently according to Stevie

  • like a Mrs Claus dominatrix.

  • - Yeah, this is, when this dress was hanging up

  • in the spare bedroom, Stevie was like I really liked

  • your black dominatrix dress, we were like.

  • She doesn't have a black dominatrix dress

  • What's she talking about?

  • - Okay, anyway go on to my Instagram today and you can see

  • the whole dress in full because I can't really show you

  • because we're really close right now.

  • But you can see the whole thing in full and then please

  • leave a comment underneath with whether or not you think

  • this is a dominatrix outfit and that's really gonna

  • confuse the people who did not watch this video.

  • That's fun.

  • - Yeah that's true.

  • (laughter)

  • But like it doesn't look like a dominatrix outfit at all.

  • - Right, it doesn't?

  • - People are like why are they even mentioning that?

  • Anyway.

  • - Anyway, so I had a different video that was supposed

  • to go out today, but I got a bit overwhelmed.

  • Got a bit much. Can't even speak now.

  • - I've got something to cheer you up.

  • - Okay! What is it? Don't actually even know

  • - Ta da!

  • - Oh!

  • - Sugar free, hazelnut syrup. Look, smell it.

  • It transports you to Christmas.

  • - Anyway, so instead I asked you guys on Instagram

  • for some good questions that we could answer

  • to do a little Q & A

  • So you can learn some fun things about us.

  • Some of these are festive, some of these aren't

  • because not everyone stuck to the rules.

  • - Okay.

  • - It just is how it is.

  • - Yeah, read me some.

  • - All right.

  • - Mistletoe at parties, for or against?

  • - For! But without the

  • - Tradition? Just decorative purposes only. No kissing.

  • She puts mistletoe up and signs with big like X's

  • - You don't have to act on this.

  • - There's the like photo of my face

  • with a green circle and a tick.

  • And then there's like any other face is like no!

  • - So I am for mistletoe without any expectations.

  • That's brackets, that has to come after the mistletoe.

  • I think mistletoe is fun, it's a really cute excuse

  • to kiss someone who wants to kiss you.

  • Consent people.

  • Can't just grab someone, like

  • - No.

  • - Oh I saw you under that mistletoe

  • three and a half hours ago, you're mine now.

  • Inappropriate.

  • - Interesting facts about mistletoe.

  • - Go for it.

  • - I mean, it's not really, well it is a fact

  • but I think people know it.

  • - Claudia's very into trees.

  • - I am I'm reading the The Hidden Life of Trees, it's great.

  • - And what did you learn the other day?

  • - Trees are not always that fascinating to us human

  • because of the fact that life to them is so much slower.

  • So like, they're on a different realm basically.

  • Trees live to a hundreds of thousands of years.

  • Apparently the oldest tree on earth

  • is about 9,000 years old.

  • - That's very exciting.

  • - It is, just think of all the things it's seen.

  • Trees can't survive without leaves for chlorophyll.

  • But they've worked out that like old stumps

  • where people have been logging, have still got life in them

  • and then they're like, how is this happening?

  • It's because the other trees around us still supplying

  • them nutrients through the root system.

  • And I'm like what is the purpose of this?

  • And it's because forests are a whole organism of trees.

  • And they are one living being together.

  • - They talk to each other.

  • - Yeah because they survive strongest in a group.

  • I'm so sorry I'm boring you.

  • Like, the second time you've yawned and you've told me to

  • tell this boring story about trees.

  • No one finds this interesting.

  • - I find you fascinating I just have chronic fatigue.

  • What are your favorite Christmas traditions?

  • - I like having a big Christmas dinner.

  • - Oh yeah you love anything involving food.

  • - I mean, I'm not a big fan of turkey but I do quite like

  • having a roast turkey on Christmas Day.

  • I think it feels traditional.

  • Oh my God.

  • You can have like a time out?

  • - I don't know that time out would make it better.

  • - Okay, we're just like let's do these fast.

  • - I really like St. Lucia.

  • - Yeah.

  • - The Swedish tradition where I wear a crown of candles

  • I say I, the youngest girl in the family.

  • It doesn't just have to be me.

  • But I don't have a younger girl so it's just me.

  • I will. Eventually.

  • I intend to set our child's head on fire quite early on.

  • November, December or January?

  • This is difficult because November, Autumnal.

  • December, Christmas.

  • January, my Birthday!

  • - December's my Birthday and Christmas.

  • And at least everyone's feeling jolly and there's like

  • nice lights around.

  • November is just like leading up to like, December

  • and it's a bit like

  • Ah, it's too far away to get excited

  • and it's just dark and cold.

  • And no one's put their decorations up yet.

  • And then January is just like

  • oh this is so depressing, so yeah.

  • - Thanks Walter.

  • - I think we should do Vegan January, whatever it's called.

  • - Veganuary.

  • - Veganuary.

  • - Oh my God, do you think so? Really?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Okay.

  • - If you think we should do Veganuary please comment

  • especially with things we should eat / that I can eat

  • because I can't eat beans and pulses.

  • - I've been cooking quite a few Vegan meals recently.

  • - We have, inspired by our friend Charlie who is a Vegan.

  • Red, green and gold or white and silver?

  • Easy choice, easy choice.

  • - Neither.

  • - What's your choice?

  • - Just red and gold.

  • - Oh yeah. No but the tree is green.

  • - Okay fair enough.

  • What are your favorite Christmas songs?

  • (sings) All I Want For Christmas Is You.

  • (chair squeaks)

  • Your chair it's like

  • - Oh.

  • - Oh you know what I like?

  • It's a bit like eerie but I like that song from Home Alone.

  • The (sings melody)

  • Okay (laughs)

  • I'm singing to a deaf girl.

  • It's the song, nothing to do with the fact

  • that I can't, do a tuneful note.

  • - No doubt.

  • - It's the bit when he's like in the Church.

  • - Yeah.

  • - I'm pretty sure, anyway. I'm on my own on this one.

  • - I'm sure other people will so love your doo doo song.

  • - Favorite Christmas movie?

  • - Oh, It's a Wonderful Life. So cheesy, I know.

  • Also just Love, Actually.

  • - Love, Actually yeah.

  • - Any advice for someone who's always

  • lonely for the holidays?

  • Find other lonely people.

  • Lots of people I think are quite lonely at Christmas.

  • And that's okay.

  • - Yeah.

  • - But also you don't have to be if you don't want to be

  • because there are other lonely people.

  • And you can join them in doing things together.

  • Like people set up group meals.

  • There are some restaurants where they'll do that.

  • They set up a group meal for people

  • who don't have anyone else to have Christmas meals with.

  • - Most pubs are open on Christmas Day.

  • Even if it's just for a few hours and that's quite nice

  • because people are always quite jolly in the pub

  • and you can go and have a drink or

  • doesn't have to be an alcoholic drink.

  • Just have like a good old chat with people.

  • - If you can you could volunteer in a homeless shelter.

  • - Yeah that's true.

  • Like Crisis. No not sorry.

  • - Shelter Shelter

  • Yeah.

  • - I think Crisis is a thing that also exists.

  • - Yeah okay.

  • - Not that we're telling you not to go there.

  • - We're not sponsored by either of them.

  • - We just have a friend who works for Shelter.

  • Does Christmas start on November the 1st

  • or December the 1st? Controversial.

  • - Is it?

  • - Well according to the adverts, it starts

  • on November the 1st.

  • - What advert?

  • - When the Christmas adverts start playing.

  • - Oh you mean to media? It's November the 1st?

  • - Oh, to media she says.

  • - But to like, the general public it's like

  • December the 1st.

  • - Okay.

  • - And even then that's wrong because actually

  • the first day of Christmas is Christmas Day.

  • - I know. As I proved in my Christmas Tide series last year.

  • Do you like fruit cake?

  • - No.

  • - Do you have any festive traditions?

  • Watching the Snowman. Next question.

  • - What is your time of year and why?

  • - Oh that tickled my ear.

  • Your domanatrix dress.

  • Sensory pleasures. No I don't like it.

  • Don't touch my hair.

  • - Jessica how did you get through GCSE dyslexia?

  • Jessica, how did you get through GCSE English with dyslexia?

  • Wow.

  • - With difficulty.

  • Basically didn't you have to speak and someone else

  • wrote for you?

  • - Yeah I dictated. My dyslexia means that I can read

  • incredibly well and I cannot get words from my head

  • to the piece of paper.

  • So I had a lovely lady who was the school receptionist

  • who sat there whilst I and write things down.

  • Wrote things down for me, I am tired.

  • How much is Claudia loving her new Sony A73?

  • - Yeah. I love it.

  • - Is that how you say it?

  • - Yeah.

  • - You're very happy aren't you? Very happy.

  • - We were debating on whether to use it

  • as the new studio cam to like film

  • - This one.

  • - The videos.

  • - That you're watching us on.

  • - But like, some friends of ours were like no

  • don't take that away from Claudia because like

  • it'll be set up on the rig all the time and then like

  • she won't be able to spontaneously go down and take photos

  • of the dogs and I was like, yeah.

  • - Tips for finding people to date when you have a disability

  • I can't find my person.

  • The trick is though, that when you find your person

  • they don't care. But.

  • - What? Oh they don't care.

  • They don't care about your disability.

  • - They don't care about you, how would they be your person

  • if they didn't care?

  • - Anyway I would say you should swipe the way

  • is it left? The way that choose more?

  • Basically, I'm saying you should say yes to more people

  • that show interest, because

  • you just don't know what you like

  • or what the right thing is.

  • - Oh it's like houses.

  • - Yeah.

  • - You have to go and see the house.

  • - Exactly. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

  • You can't like, judge a house by the photos on Rightmove.

  • You can't judge someone on a dating profile

  • or just having met them quickly in a shop

  • or wherever the hell you met them.

  • - That's a meet cute then.

  • - Yeah you need to go for a date.

  • - Okay.

  • - Even if it's just to explore more about what you like

  • and what don't like in a person.

  • I went on loads of dates, you went on loads of dates.

  • - I did go on loads of dates.

  • - So then our tick list of what we wanted get

  • shorter and shorter.

  • It didn't stop me going on more dates with people

  • I just kind of knew what my tick list was.

  • - I think also though, slowly slide people

  • in to the disability aspect of it.

  • So like, when we had our first date, I ordered a

  • virgin mojito so you wouldn't know for sure

  • that I didn't drink alcohol.

  • And as the night went on, I slowly like

  • drip fed you the stuff that was wrong with me.

  • - I think it was more

  • - Win them over with your

  • charming personality at the same time.

  • - I think with the virgin mojito thing it was more like

  • you didn't want, 'cause you knew I was gonna

  • come in and be like what are you drinking?

  • And you were like oh it's just a mojito.

  • And I was like oh cool.

  • 'Cause then I felt liberated to then

  • go get myself an alcoholic drink.

  • - True.

  • - And you didn't wanna like make me feel like I couldn't.

  • - Yeah.

  • - 'Cause I should just do what I wanna do on a date.

  • The same way with your disability shouldn't hinder what

  • someone else would normally do.

  • - No.

  • - Like, they shouldn't behave differently around you.

  • So, fair enough on your first date you might kind of

  • mask it a bit more.

  • - I guess like when you're dating someone who's like

  • I love long walks in the countryside and you're like

  • that's cool, I can't walk.

  • But you can have great fun going by yourself.

  • - Yeah it doesn't mean

  • - Or with your friends.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Yeah that's true, we shouldn't see our other half

  • as the person who stops us from doing things

  • or gets us to do things.

  • - Walter's getting hungry.

  • - When did you first say I love you

  • and who said it first?

  • - Jessica said she was falling for me

  • - I did.

  • - Like after about three weeks?

  • - Yeah.

  • - And then we, oh my God Walter.

  • Trying to tell people about when we said I love you.

  • - Walter we're discussing our beautiful love story.

  • - And then I took Jessica away for like a

  • romantic getaway night in an old manor house called

  • Danesfield House which is lovely.

  • And then I told her that I loved her that night.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Whoa.

  • - Whoa.

  • Last question.

  • - Okay.

  • - And it's for Claudia.

  • - Oh, me specifically?

  • - How did you know you liked girls

  • after thinking you were straight for such a long time?

  • - Oh. That's kind of a hard question.

  • I don't know I just kind of crept (up) on me out of nowhere.

  • - She turned around one day and realized she was spending

  • a lot of time watching the L Word.

  • And reading Sarah Waters novels.

  • - I don't even know I can't even remember

  • what made me watch the L Word.

  • Like none of my friends were watching it.

  • I must've heard about it from somewhere.

  • - Yeah.

  • - 'Cause I had to download it illegally.

  • Like stream it. So I had to search for it.

  • Through all those like things

  • Like Putlocker and stuff like that.

  • Do those things still exist

  • those illegal streaming things?

  • - I would assume so.

  • - Well anyways, the only way you could watch things online.

  • No, I tell a lie. The first thing was

  • it's very hard to remember but it was all just like

  • little things just trickled in.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Until eventually it was like torrents of water

  • coming in that I just

  • - Torrents of lesbianism.

  • - And I was just like I don't have enough buckets

  • to contain this anymore and was like fine

  • just gonna swim in it.

  • - My gayness is spilling over.

  • - Yeah.

  • No I was actually dating my ex-boyfriend at the time

  • but he was in Cambridge University and I was in London

  • so I only ever saw him like every two weeks

  • which is still pretty good.

  • But like, then other than that I was pretty much you know

  • my own person, do what I like, go out.

  • But I was very much like not interested in boys

  • because I was like oh no I have a boyfriend

  • he's just not here, you know?

  • - Yeah.

  • - So maybe that kind of, I have no idea.

  • But basically I read Sarah Waters Tipping the Velvet.

  • And again I don't know what made me buy that book.

  • No one else had recommended it to me or anything.

  • I just kind of randomly went to the lesbian and gay section

  • in the Waterstones and bought this book.

  • And read it and then was like, fell in love

  • with this whole storyline.

  • - Yeah, she's really into it.

  • - Yeah and I watched the BBC dramatized version of it.

  • Over and over and then I read all of the other

  • Sarah Waters novels and even I remember I was

  • I started listening to Brandi Carlile.

  • And I was like I just love her stuff and her stories.

  • And I was dating my boyfriend at the time

  • when I listened to Brandi Carlile and reading all of

  • Sarah Waters and I was telling him

  • how amazing all these things were, so.

  • - And he was like, okay.

  • Sure.

  • - Oh my God Walter.

  • And then yeah just like over then

  • when I was about 20, 21, that was then.

  • But then I didn't come out until I was 24 so then

  • that's when like the water kind of

  • other things kept coming.

  • - The Sarah Waters.

  • - The Sarah Waters.

  • No pun intended, oh that's so funny.

  • Sarah Waters.

  • - I really cracked myself up.

  • All that female energy.

  • And Walter.

  • - Walter's just like, he's like my gayness at the door.

  • Let me out, let me out of the cupboard.

  • - What are you doing with a boyfriend?

  • - I guess it was subconscious just try

  • somehow to tell you.

  • - Yeah. There's the answer right there.

  • - Oh, okay. Let's go. That's it?

  • - Let's go and let your subconscious have his dinner.

  • - Let's go and let the poor little boy, all right.

  • - It's weird that your subconscious gayness is male.

  • - I know. Love you, I mean, no!

  • I love you! Bye-bye!

  • - No sure, I love you too!

  • Bye!

  • (Cheerful upbeat Christmas music)

  • - But it's also dependent on (laughs)

  • Oh my God.

  • I'm just gonna leave.

  • - I've been working hard today, okay?

  • No! It's not you (laughter)

  • It's just chronic fatigue.

  • (bouncy Christmas music)

(cheerful Christmas music)

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克勞迪婭是如何意識到自己是同志的//Vlogmas 2019年第12天。 (How Claudia Realised She's Gay // Vlogmas 2019 Day 12)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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