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  • - Hello lovely people.

  • Now you may remember these two fabulous faces,

  • this is Jamie and Shaaba,

  • and we did a little collab at Christmas talking about

  • what it's like being teetotal when you're going

  • to Christmas parties, when you're socializing,

  • how that works, Claudia's here at the end like, "I drink."

  • (laughing)

  • You know, diversity in the video.

  • But today we're gonna be talking about something

  • that's very exciting, that we are very much

  • looking forward to, and that is Parenthood.

  • But, parenthood with some caveats.

  • Because apparently these guys are

  • suddenly gonna wait five years.

  • (laughing) Which I didn't know

  • before I said, "let's make this video together."

  • But, as couples, we are both couples who are part

  • of the LGBTQ plus...

  • Society, genre, community? - [Friends] Community.

  • - I don't know where I was going with that.

  • (laughing) - Genre

  • - Society, it's a secret club. - But then, but we also deal

  • with disabilities and--

  • - Interracial. - Yes.

  • - Is that, were you coming to that?

  • - That was exactly what I was going to say.

  • - That's fine, you jump on in wife, you jump on in.

  • So, if you go over right now to Jamie's channel,

  • there's a video where we're discussing all of those kind of,

  • the heavy issues.

  • - Yeah, fears.

  • - Yeah-- - Or worries.

  • - Like our plans for the future and our kind of fears.

  • We made this video, which is all about our hopes

  • for the future, the things we're really excited about,

  • and we'll be answering some of your questions

  • that are asked on my Instagram,

  • which is @jessicaoutofthecloset.

  • Should we all do our other Instagram names?

  • Anyway-- (laughing)

  • - That's not what this video's about.

  • - We're gonna make great parents.

  • - You guys have been together for how long?

  • - Oh, it will be nine years this November.

  • - Yeah, and they're getting married.

  • (clapping)

  • Very exciting, and we are already married,

  • married for three and a half blissful years.

  • - Very exciting, adventurous,

  • jam-packed filled years, actually.

  • - Yeah. (laughing)

  • - Not that blissful. - An awful lot just happened.

  • - Blissfully in love, but really like, woo.

  • - Yeah. - Well then.

  • - And we've been together for five and a half years.

  • And we're a bit obsessed with each other.

  • - Like (joking) all my life.

  • (laughing) - No, sorry.

  • So, let's just start with saying

  • how we each personally identify and what impact

  • that may have on future parenting.

  • - My name's Shaaba, my pronouns are she/her,

  • I am a bisexual Asian.

  • I don't know if the Asian is important.

  • - Yeah. - It is if it is to you.

  • - Yeah, that comes into, yeah. - You feel like it is, yeah.

  • I'm Jamie, and I'm a transgender man.

  • - You had to think about that did you?

  • (laughing) - Yes.

  • I am a man who is trans.

  • - But sometimes that means that people will think

  • I'm just bi, because I'm with you,

  • which is not the case, and we want all intents and purposes

  • our kids to be able to see us as male and female,

  • even though we can't naturally sort of conceive in that way.

  • - Or can they?

  • Watch Jamie's video. (oohing)

  • - Science.

  • - I'm Jessica and I am she/her, and a cis-gender woman,

  • and I'm also disabled, and that worries me

  • I guess when it comes to raising children,

  • because even though I know that I can 100% be there

  • for them emotionally and love them with all of my heart,

  • I also just have days when I,

  • I'm in so much pain I can't lift my head, and that sucks.

  • I'm also a lesbian.

  • - Yeah, I was gonna say, you didn't put that bit in,

  • (laughing) until you were at the end.

  • - Well, I was leading into it.

  • I'm a lesbian, and this is my lesbian wife.

  • - You do have the best word, lesbian is so cool.

  • - Lesbian. - Isn't it good to say?

  • [Everyone] Lesbian.

  • - I'm a Jessican. (oohing)

  • I don't know if that works, does it?

  • - No. - It doesn't sound as good as

  • lesbian. - Jessisexual

  • - Jessicasexual. - Yeah.

  • - That's not actually true, I am just gay.

  • (laughing)

  • But I make promises now. (laughing)

  • And I'm she/her, and I'm a cis woman.

  • So, the first question, and we did sort of,

  • we did cover this in Jamie's video, but is,

  • "Is it easy for you to adopt a child?"

  • Our couples, we've both said that adoption is something we'd

  • be really interested in, it's something that we think

  • is obviously a massive positive for the world,

  • as is fostering, it's great stuff,

  • but I as a disabled person would have difficulty adopting

  • a child as my first child, because they would need

  • to see that I can raise a child in order to give me a child,

  • which is like a weird catch-22.

  • - Hm-mm. - So unfair.

  • - Rock in a hard place, isn't it?

  • - I covered this a bit more in Jamie's video, but it is,

  • so many of these questions are about adoption--

  • - Adoption. - and fostering.

  • - Yeah. - I wonder if that's

  • because people think that's the default for--

  • - Mm, yeah. - Like our community--

  • - That's true. - couples would do.

  • - Or it's one of, it is one of the prominent options,

  • I guess, for most people.

  • - We're currently planning on having a baby

  • the biological way first. - Uh huh.

  • - And then adoption later, once I can prove

  • I can look after a baby.

  • - I've noticed, when I talk to my work colleagues

  • and things, they just assumed it's IVF.

  • - Oh. - And when I'm like, oh no no,

  • it's just like IUI, which just basically means like,

  • intrauterine insemination, they're like,

  • "Oh, so you can just put sperm in there?"

  • I'm like, "yeah." (laughing)

  • Ya know, like. - Yeah.

  • - I don't, yeah, I don't know why it has to be so complex.

  • It's like, you have to extract the egg out of the body,

  • and then like, you know. - Oh yeah, I'm just gonna pop

  • it back out, yeah.

  • "What do you want to be called, mom, momma, bio-name?"

  • - That is a great question.

  • - Dad.

  • - Daddy? - Dad.

  • - Daddy.

  • - Daddy or Dad?

  • - Daddy when they're like little,

  • and then Dad when they're older,

  • not Father. - 'Cause it's really weird

  • when 30 year olds go, "Daddy".

  • (laughing)

  • - That's really interesting, 'cause in our culture

  • it's Ma and Pa, so you wouldn't want to be a Pa?

  • - Oh, I wouldn't mind if they call me Pa, but like--

  • - Oh my god, Ma and Pa.

  • - Yeah, or Momma and Papa. - So "Little House

  • "on the Prairie." (laughing)

  • I love it. - No, but with the accent

  • it's more, Ma. (laughing)

  • - What about you?

  • - You sound a bit like a sheep.

  • (laughing) - So, would you like to be?

  • - Ma. - I think I'd like to be a Ma.

  • - You call your mom, Ma?

  • - Yeah. - Like to her face?

  • - Or Momma. - Yeah, Momma.

  • - Yeah. - That's really adorable.

  • - I don't mind, just one of those, Dad, Daddy, Papa,

  • Pa. - Yeah.

  • I would be Mommy, Mommy, and you wanna be Momma.

  • - Yeah.

  • - (gasping) I love it. - Momma.

  • [Everyone] Momma.

  • - That suits you. - That really fits

  • with your aesthetic. - I know.

  • (laughing)

  • Well, so I find it very odd when there's been couples,

  • they're like, "We're Mom and Mommy."

  • Really, are you though?

  • Can that child tell those words apart?

  • - Well, also like, also it's like what you said

  • with Daddy, like as they get older they'll probably

  • just say, "Mom", for me rather than Mommy.

  • - But I can just always

  • be Momma. - Momma.

  • - This is a bigger one, "How would you handle

  • "it if your future child made homophobic

  • "or transphobic comments?"

  • - That's like-- (Shaaba throat clearing)

  • - I mean, I don't think they would.

  • - My worst nightmare.

  • I would really hope they wouldn't,

  • but in a hypothetical situation I guess

  • it's just how any like parent would tell their kid,

  • like how that's wrong, and if they had that view,

  • if they were like trans-friendly, LGBT plus friendly

  • and everything, you just sit them down and explain it.

  • It would be heart-breaking though, especially because,

  • you know. - It would really hurt.

  • I genuinely have like tears coming up to my eyes

  • just thinking about it. - Oh darling.

  • - Like could you imagine?

  • I could see it happening like, imagine if your kid

  • just comes home from the playground, and is like,

  • "Oh, Mommy, that's so gay."

  • You know like. - Mm, but I think

  • that's like, that's just like an educational thing,

  • like if they-- - Yeah.

  • - And when they get older and become teenagers,

  • they're going to say potentially because of their hormones,

  • things that they know is deliberately gonna

  • be your weak spots. - Yeah.

  • I know that's gonna happen. - And like, that's all kids.

  • And that's like it doesn't matter what your sexuality is,

  • your child will pick up what your weak spot is.

  • - They'll find something.

  • It might not even be that your trans-ness, it might be like,

  • your glasses. - Your big nose.

  • (laughing)

  • - My glasses. - To clarify.

  • No, no, no, to clarify, Jamie's talking about himself.

  • You don't have a big nose. - My big, oh no, my big nose.

  • Mine, no, no. - Jamie, what have you done.

  • - Oh my god. - All right, well okay,

  • next question, next question. - 100% my big nose.

  • - "How will you approach gender identity?

  • "Will you take a gender neutral approach?"

  • - Hm. - To your child.

  • - Yes, so 'cause this has been in the news as well recently,

  • people raising their kids non-binary.

  • - With like how I feel, is not with like pronouns and names,

  • but expression and like roles in society, neutral.

  • They can wear what they want play with whatever toys,

  • like do whatever sports, activities, but--

  • - We would raise them--

  • - Use pronouns. - And refer to them

  • as their assigned birth at sex.

  • - (laughing) Birth at sex?

  • - Sorry, sex at birth. - Yeah.

  • - And then, should they, obviously we wouldn't want them to

  • be trans, because it's a-- - But just because we don't

  • want them to experience that. - Horrible thing for them

  • to have to go through, based on stigma, et cetera,

  • et cetera, but should that happen, we'd clearly be able

  • to deal with that.

  • - Yeah, that's an interesting question in itself actually,

  • the, would you want your child to be X?

  • - Everyone thinks that I'm rude for saying that, but like,

  • no I don't, 'cause

  • I wouldn't want to-- - I think it would

  • be more confusing for the child

  • to try and bring them up genderless, you know?

  • Personally. - Yeah, right.

  • - And then also what are you saying,

  • are you saying something's wrong with,

  • well is something wrong with the sex that they're born

  • with if you bring them up like that.

  • - Sure.

  • All right, we fully intend to raise our children

  • in a gender expression neutrality.

  • - Yes. - Where even when they're

  • small children-- - Barbies and Ken dolls.

  • - It's gonna be like, you play with what you want

  • to play with, I'm gonna make sure that you have everything

  • all of the options, and that you have clothes

  • that make you free and comfortable and happy,

  • and you can move around in.

  • I don't care if someone looks at my child and goes,

  • "Oh your son is so cute," and I'm like, "It's a girl,

  • "but sure, whatever." - Right.

  • (laughing) - You just said

  • my baby's cute, it's fine.

  • - Your baby name ideas, do you have any rules?

  • Baby names? - We have exact the names.

  • - We have the names.

  • - You have exact names? - Yeah, but we're not,

  • I don't even want to share it.

  • - Yeah, neither do we.

  • - Just jinxing, but they're there.

  • - I have a weird baby name quirk, in that we're called,

  • Claudia and Jessica, and our dogs are called,

  • Walter and Matilda.

  • - So you want a "uh".

  • - Yeah. - Aw.

  • - Yeah, so I will only consider baby names

  • that end in a "uh". - There's quite a lot of names

  • - Boys names that end in E-R, girls names that end

  • in I-A. - Shaaba.

  • You shouldn't call your kid Shaaba, but I'm just saying.

  • - Uh? - 'Cause my names an "uh",

  • even though it's an A. - Oh.

  • - Alba - It has an "uh" sound.

  • - Yeah, yeah. - Well, it's like Jessica.

  • - Yeah, even you yourself. - Clara, Evelina.

  • - All of this. - Andrea, it's like everyone

  • we know, lot's of names end with a.

  • - All of my sister's names, and I've got five them,

  • all end in "uh", and my mom wanted all of our first initials

  • to start with an S.

  • So, I'm Shaaba, and my next sister down is Shazia,

  • but then they were like no,

  • because we'll have the same initials.

  • - Too confusing. - Like on post and stuff,

  • that's why they did it with the A.

  • But then my youngest sister on that side is called Zara.

  • And they chose Zara, 'cause they were like zed, the end.

  • - Done. - Full stop.

  • (laughing)

  • So, one thing I would like, because it's a thing

  • in our family, all of the names are Islamic.

  • Does that make sense? - Yeah.

  • - The names that we've chosen are, yeah, but it's funny,

  • because one like Ben - But also easily pronouncable

  • in England? - Yes, yeah, like Ben

  • is an Islamic name, and you would think or Adam, ya know.

  • - "What do your families think about it?"

  • (clapping) - Oo.

  • - That is a loaded-- - My mom's like, "I am the

  • "only one of my sisters who is not a grandmother."

  • We're like, okay, sorry, sorry, Jesus.

  • She'd want us to have had babies like three years ago.

  • - That's so adorable.

  • - She's like, "You got married, now what?"

  • (laughing) - I love it.

  • - My dad is like, wants us to have kids,

  • he finds the whole process

  • of how we do it a little bit weird.

  • - Confusing, he's a very British man, Claud's dad.

  • - Okay. (laughing)

  • Yeah. - He's not like,

  • he's supportive, but he's like--

  • - He just doesn't know

  • how to say the right thing. - Fumbly with the words.

  • - Or do the right thing.

  • - I feel like my mom thinks she's supportive.

  • Your parents are fantastic.

  • - My mom is like, "I can't wait to be a grandma."

  • - Give me babies. - Yeah, yeah, she's very cute.

  • - And your dad, he's so good with younger kids as well.

  • - Oh, my yeah, it's so sweet,

  • so I think they're very excited, and I think your mom

  • is looking forward to being a grandma.

  • I think it sounds maybe a little bit like your dad,

  • but it's kind of like

  • on board generally. - She's the kind of person

  • who'd say, "I love the gays, they're so friendly."

  • - Yeah, says the wrong thing.

  • - And also, slightly confused about how the process

  • of how we're gonna have kids

  • and is worried about it. - It was very important to her

  • though that the kids were biologically mine,

  • which I mean is possible, so.

  • - I have two genetic disabilities, so my parents are like,

  • "We just want grandkids who are fine, we don't really mind."

  • So, that's nice.

  • - It's not really a compliment, yeah.

  • - I know. (laughing)

  • - Not really sure how to respond, sorry.

  • - Yeah, me neither, it's fine.

  • They can't do without me, so.

  • - Ya have to love 'em.

  • - What, parents or babies?

  • (laughing)

  • - "When do you play to tell your child?"

  • - As soon as-- - Tell your child what?

  • - "About what makes you different."

  • I'm just gonna add on the end of that.

  • - I feel like the brown thing they're just gonna notice.

  • (laughing)

  • Straight away. - They'd be like,

  • "Mom, is that?" (squeaking) (laughing)

  • - Because you've gotta different skin colors

  • in different families, like your children

  • won't question other people's skin color?

  • - Like, we've had a chat about when we would tell our kids,

  • and I think it's kind of as early

  • as they would comfortably understand.

  • - Where they come from, and the fact that you're trans.

  • - So, my mom was told she was adopted when she

  • was like three or four years old, she was really young,

  • and that kind of worked out quite well,

  • because it didn't really change her view of her parents,

  • she just had an understanding of where she came from.

  • So, I think we'll take the same approach, like,

  • but not too young where it would just like (whooshing).

  • - When do we discuss the sexuality?

  • 'Cause obviously for you guys, I imagine

  • that's quite obvious they'll understand that

  • from a young age, but if I was like,

  • "Mommy likes men and women."

  • - I don't know if it would be necessary.

  • - Like, "Wait, does that mean you

  • "like Daddy-- - You're gonna leave?

  • - "and you like someone else?" - Yeah.

  • - I would probably just tell them the information

  • that was necessary about where they came from, and kind of

  • what they could learn about us in the future.

  • And if it came up when they were older.

  • - I would hope Sex-Ed in schools would definitely

  • be sophisticated enough to cover that.

  • And be like, yep, that's me. - Yeah, I think it'd be fine.

  • - We would have to, people ask us like,

  • "Would you tell your children which of you is biologically

  • "the mom, would you tell them how they came to be, like,

  • "where you got the sperm from,

  • "would you tell them all that?"

  • And I just think we'd always bring them up,

  • it's a bit weird actually because we currently do this thing

  • where she'll look at me, and she'll be like,

  • "Oh yeah, the baby will get that from you."

  • - Yeah, we forget about like-- - We forget all the time.

  • - How science and genetics work, and I'm always just like,

  • "Oh, they'll be like," like you know, we just assume

  • it's gonna be a morph of the two of us.

  • - We've done the same, ever since I've been like,

  • oh if they get a mix of our hair, like they'll

  • have the most beautiful hair, or you know like,

  • mocha colored skin and all this stuff.

  • - Because they could have your mannerisms and stuff,

  • so they will be a reflection of both of you.

  • - The mannerisms yeah. - There's so much that's

  • not a, like my mom is very much like my grandma.

  • - "How do you plan on handling unsolicited comments

  • "from strangers?" - Oh yeah.

  • - With the added complexity of having public profiles.

  • - With you guys, from absolute strangers,

  • like if you were in a restaurant,

  • because like you're both presenting as

  • like a heterosexual couple. - We have a privilege, yeah.

  • - Straight couple privilege. - Yeah.

  • Whereas, for us, it's like,

  • what we've talked about is how like they might be like,

  • "Oh, which one of you is the mom?"

  • Or like, "Who's kids are they?"

  • Or like, "Where are their husbands?"

  • - "Are they sisters?" - "Where's Daddy today?"

  • And things like that, that's really gonna grate on us.

  • And it's gonna be forever having to come out to people

  • all the time, which we do anyway but--

  • - Yeah, being gay is coming out every single day.

  • - Yeah, you just have to kinda accept that that's how it is.

  • - In one way I'm very grateful for that and I realize

  • that it is a privilege, because you're not gonna get people

  • out rightly, who you don't know, saying things without fear.

  • - Yeah, or assuming things or asking weird questions.

  • - But one thing I have, that I've experienced

  • with the wedding stuff that I know will never go away,

  • I'm always scared that people are going to find out

  • who we've already trusted and gotten into relationships with

  • and then be horrible, do you know what I mean?

  • - So, the other one like, our cake made

  • by somebody who turned out to be very transphobic

  • or homophobic or something, so we're kind of like--

  • - But like with the kids, I wouldn't want our kids

  • to make friends with kids and then the parents

  • to think that you know, we are just

  • the vanilla cis-het couple.

  • - And then finding out. - And then be like,

  • "Wait, you're those?" (throat cracking)

  • Ya know? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • - I feel like that could be-- - Sort of be tried as

  • transparent. - Just as damaging.

  • - Oh, and our kids getting penalized in anyway,

  • because of their parents oh. - I know, it's sad.

  • I do have a happy thought though to wrap up the video.

  • Just came to my mind, I'm so excited.

  • Baby's first pride. (awing)

  • Just imagine how adorable that's gonna be.

  • - What are you gonna dress them in?

  • - Yeah, or like as toddlers.

  • And they're gonna bring-- - Pass the rainbow.

  • those flags to school, or like little rainbow wings.

  • - Those little like crayons on their cheek.

  • - Oh my god. - Oh yes.

  • - Baby rainbow wings.

  • - Thank you so much for watching, I hope we

  • have answered some of your burning questions.

  • Do remember to go and check out the video on Jamie's channel

  • where you will learn a little bit more about the journeys

  • that we intend to go on, oo.

  • If you have any suggestions for baby names that end

  • in a-- (laughing)

  • Please leave them in the comments down below.

  • And remember to go and subscribe to both

  • of these people's wonderful YouTube channels, which are...

  • - Oh, Shaaba. - Jammidodger, with an I.

  • (laughing)

  • - To confuse people. - Jammidodgeri.

  • Wouldn't people say that, just put

  • an I at the end. (laughing) - Jammidodgeri.

  • - See you in the next video. (smooching)

  • (bright music)

- Hello lovely people.

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作為LGBTQ+父母。Things we are excited about! ft.@Jammidodger和@Shaaba.[CC] (Being LGBTQ+ parents: Things we are excited about! ft. @Jammidodger and @Shaaba. [CC])

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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