into the void of the internet.

(chuckles)

- We're, feeding content.

- Oh wait, is it working now?

- [Clara] We're back.

- Oh, my goodness.

Yes, hello.

We are back.

Everything is working.

Delightful, delightful.

I am delighted and happy to be back with everyone.

I don't know whether this is the same stream

or whether this has started as a new video.

We're not yet clear on that

because we're using a new encoder for the live streaming,

which means that we can have subtitles.

Because if you've watched one of my live streams before,

you know that we didn't have subtitles and now we do,

which is magnificent, excellent, right.

For anyone who missed the start of this little stream,

I'm gonna tell you what's going on.

So, captions of live streaming amazing

to test them and see how good they actually are

today in this lovely, calm, beautiful livestream.

I'm going to be reading to you from the book

on how to be the perfect modern woman,

written in the 1930's so, modern is subjective,

but we will be learning all about wonderful things

like the right corsets to wear to the beach,

why bathing is important and exactly

what you should be doing for your hackler.

Oh hello and Life on the Batteries

has been our first super chat of the day

and says they're doing a project on pots this summer

that it's very fun.

All right, I'm going to get you all to vote

using colored emojis,

to tell me what you would like to hear about first.

Is it the importance of liquids?

Oh does seem important.

Is it the ideal foot or is it the types of people?

So, vote with a red heart

if you would like to know about liquids,

a blue heart, if you'd like to know about the ideal foot

and a yellow heart if you'd like to know

about the types of people.

And now I wait for ages because your chat is delayed for me.

So we'll see.

I'm literally just waiting for colors to pop up.

No, there's nothing yet.

Oh, I've got pink.

People are giving me pink.

Oh, hello.

I've seen three blue hearts.

Oh, this is a mixture.

Oh God, actually.

Wow, that was a lot of yellows certainly, boom.

Okay, I'm going to say that the winner is yellow.

The types of people.

Let's begin.

(clears throat)

Are you a big blonde, a baby blonde,

a steaky brunette or the petite variety?

Please try not to be offended by the way,

by anything in this book.

I'm already offended and I've only just started reading it.

Blondes, the big blonde is the tall,

often highly colored type, needing very careful makeup,

careful clothes, and very often a careful diet

for whisper the words she is inclined to be plump.

How dare you?

How very dare you book?

How very dare you?

She looks magnificent in cloths with sweeping lines,

by reason of her lovely figure,

but it should be aware of ultra-fashions,

which tend to cause some her appearance.

You know what?

Actually, no, whatever the hell you like.

The baby blonde is the eternal little girl.

She can wear fluffy, frilly clothes.

Again, no startling fashions.

Lots of girls' rouge with a hint of tangerine, really?

And in general dressed in China ad.

No, I think you'll find, if you're a blonde

and you'd like to be a golf,

you go ahead and you'd be a don golf, all right.

Don't you listen to this crazy book.

Brunettes, the steaky brunette is really the showgirl

of the family.

Do you have a brunette in your family?

Is she the show girl?

Is that a thing?

She can look positively ill-favored

and yet maintain or represent a reputation for chic

that the other types would give their hairs to possess.

Only brunettes can be chic, ladies and gentlemen and others.

Only brunettes.

Great wonderful, good to know.

She can wear ultra clothes with a most distinguished hair.

She can experiment with her ego filled,

without looking cheap.

Makeup suits her wonderfully or again

she can look equally striking without any at all.

Wow, all right.

Well, it's all over for everyone else.

If you're brunette, you have apparently one life,

the rest of us give up now, give up now.

Lucky brunette, your charm lies

in the fascinating contrast of your dark hair

and creamy skin.

I see where they're going now, right, well.

That's enough about types.

Would we like to now learn about the ideal foot?

Of course, we would.

Be prepared.

I hope you've got your foot uncovered in front of you.

Are you checking it?

You should be.

I'll be looking at mine.

It's there.

I don't know if you can see it because these legs,

but it's there, right.

The ideal foot.

Thank you for that supper chat Sophie.

I didn't notice we have a new man who will be joining us.

Hello Fiona.

Welcome to the Kellgren-Fozard Club, thank you very much.

Right, so we've already learned that brunettes

are the wonders of the world.

Pick human, well done to them.

Now we're going to learn about the best foot.

The ideal foot is narrow and slim.

The heels soft and rounded, rosy in color

and the skin unblemished.

Are our foots fitting these?

Have we probably seen our feet?

The toe should lie flat.

I'm already ruined, all my toes are carved, sorry.

No, I was so close, with a great term

and little apart from its neighbors.

It should be possible to draw a straight line

from the inside of the great toe along the arch of the foot

to the heel.

Oh, straight, narrow, slim feet here people.

That's what we're after.

We would like a large gap between the big toe

and the other toes, very important.

Those little toes should all live very flat on the ground.

No carving.

I mean, I'm out, I'm ruined.

My feet are terrible, clearly.

Oh, disgusting.

Oh hello, welcome Steve

Also, a lovely new member

and thank you for that super chat Bookish Dancer.

I hope you guys have got good feet because I don't

so you gonna be making out for me, right.

The next time the feet are wet,

stand firmly upon them on some substance,

which will retain the wet impression,

study the outline and it should show the round Mark

of the heel and the ball of the foot.

Dear Lord, people, the hours that you must put in

to see whether your feet are perfect or not.

Thank you very much for that super chat Paulson,

have I ever been to Denmark?

I actually haven't, but I would love to go to Denmark.

I've heard you have castles

and I am quite partial to a castle.

Let's be honest.

And most of the restaurants are good.

Well, that's exciting too.

And another new member.

Hello, 3000 Smiles.

Is that a lovely name?

You should have 3000 smiles a day.

And hello Thompson.

I'm very much enjoying everyone joining in right now.

Now shoes and stockings for our perfect feet.

Pay attention those of you who do have perfect feet,

you need to know this.

The importance of correctly sized shoes

cannot be overestimated.

Too tight or too large,

they are equally bad for the foot.

Shoes which are too tight cause corns and bunions,

those which are too large bring blisters and calluses

on the heel, and we don't want to ruin our perfect feet,

do we now?

Come on, no, no, no.

They must be very soft, subtle indeed.

Spend as much as can be afforded on good shoes

and stockings.

Actually, I kind of like that is good advice.

I do think that if you look after your feet,

they will look after you

because that's really the one piece of body

that you're going to need to keep going

for a very long time.

Says a girl with terrible feet, so, take my advice.

Don't go down my route.

Now, shall we learn about

how to maintain a youthful complexion,

or how to pat away the lines,

or how to pack your greasy skin.

We're gonna go with,

if you would like to learn about

how to retain your youthful complexion, give me a red heart.

If you'd like to know about how to pat away the lines,

give me a blue heart.

And if you'd like to know how to pack your greasy skin

give me a yellow heart.

Thank you.

Now I wait.

My eye just collapsed.

No, same same friend.

(speaking foreign language)

Whenever I stand up, my feet become flat.

When I take them off the ground,

they incredibly high arched.

I mean, it's just a wonder, isn't it?

It's always fun.

Always something new.

I'm getting a lot of, to be honest guys,

I'm getting a lot of pink hearts,

which you need to handle that.

But I think you're trying to send me red hearts,

but your phones are sending me the wrong ones, all right.

Well, we're gonna go with red

even there is a lot of red and pink.

It's a thing, we're trying.

Okay, this is very apt.

I need to know this apparently.

Round about the 30s, the first-time signals

begins to make their appearance,

so tiny, so faint as to be almost unnoticed,

but so dangerous.

Jesus, I mean, I know I turned 30 this year.

This is me.

I'm dangerous now.

Now is the time to take just that little extra trouble

there'll be repaid a hundred-fold in the years to come.

Stand in a strong north light before a mirror.

Don't do that.

Tiny fine lines around the eyes and nose will be seen.

Great.

The skin becomes more sensitive to wind and rain.

Spring rather is definitely more trying.

The moment is calm for a little extra skin care.

Oh goodness.

Be ready.

Oh, we got another new member.

Hello, welcome Kate.

Nice to have you.

Right, please do not think all day just creeping on

nothing of the sought.

Oh, you just told me that it's dangerous.