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  • Hello and welcome to Jessica rants about things 101.

  • I’m in pain and feeling lousy so I decided to turn the camera on and yell about things

  • because that’s how I cope with my feelings.

  • If you too enjoy getting irrationally irritated by minor things that are actually pretty big

  • things in the grand scheme of your own personal life then please do hit the subscribe button.

  • I’d also like to encourage you, even if youve been subscribed for a while, to turn

  • on notifications using the little bell next to the subscribe as apparently that’s the

  • only way YouTube will now let you know when I have a new video out because it’s a little

  • bit broken or supposedly this is better or something?

  • Not all we are ranting about today tho.

  • But it could be.

  • I also just managed to fix the merch shelf- I think- so please tell me if you can see

  • my merch under this video. If you can’t then just click the link in the description.

  • [Swish sound fx]

  • Hopefully fixed!

  • To today’s video!

  • If youve ever watched a food video on my channel before youll know that I have a

  • ratherspecial diet.

  • Because I’m special.

  • Like a princess.

  • That was just me being kind to myself. According to my local council I’m classified as having

  • special needsso… I’m allowed to overly boost my self esteem whenever I feel

  • like it.

  • I have a connective tissue disorder calledMixed Connective Tissue Disorderbecause

  • doctors are imaginative that way. It affects all of my soft tissue, including my stomach

  • and guts and means I can’t digest a lot of things and that certain things, like sugar,

  • make me very sick.

  • - also I bleed internally when I eat wheat. It was very disturbing the first few times

  • Over the years I have tried a variety of things to control it, a number of very strange medical

  • diets: remember in thewife saves my lifevideo when Claudia mentioned the fact all I ate was

  • leeks when I first met her? True story.

  • I also now know that leeks are one of the worst things for me to eat. So that’s…

  • truly genius, Jessica, well done.

  • My current diet is Low-FODMAP and it’s really working for me. I’ve been able to expand

  • the range of things I can eat and be less tense about what I’m putting into my body.

  • Because I got REALLY tense about that for a whilewhen youre not sure which food

  • is making you sick you tend to getweird.

  • So weird.

  • Now, as long as I don’t eat gluten, grains, sugar, dairy, alcohol, onions, garlic, sweet

  • fruits, red meat, beans, peas, legumes or sweeteners that end inol’- I’m fine!

  • Someone asked the other dayhow do you remember all of those?”

  • To which my response wasif it makes you bleed from where you shouldn’t be bleeding,

  • you are not gonna forget.”

  • Still treating myself with onion bajis thoughso painfulso delicious.

  • The long list of things I cannot eat isn’t actually the worst part of having dietary

  • restrictions however. I haven’t been able to eat a croissant in ten years and my mouth

  • doesn’t even water at the smell of a freshly baked one any more. No, it’s other people’s

  • freaking judgemental behaviour that really is the worst thing.

  • Which: could you just NOT, annoying waiter?!

  • Thanks(!)

  • This comes in two parts: the first is with the staff in restaurants, the second is with

  • the people I’m with who die a bit inside when I have to give my order.

  • Wait, three things- nosy people.

  • So, the first of the three: restaurant staff. “How bad is it really?” andwhat happens

  • if you eat it?” are NOT acceptable things to ask a person. Neither is it okay human

  • behaviour to shame someone for having a restricted diet.

  • On my second date with my wife we went to get dinner together- not my idea clearly

  • Trying to avoid food

  • She suggested it

  • so I suggested a restaurant where I had been a number of times and could hopefully

  • get away with ordering things slightly differently without seeming like an annoyingly picky person

  • So she wouldn't notice and she'd still love me

  • - As anyone with medical food restrictions will tell you, the worst thing in the world

  • is being thought of as an annoyingly picky eater.

  • - okay, wait, second worst after: you told someone you can’t have something but they

  • smuggled it into your food anyway just to test you.

  • That’s actually happened to me!

  • We went to a sushi place, the chap took my order: “Can I have this but no dressing,

  • and this but sauce on the side, and this but with the gluten free batter and ginger tea.”

  • With no ginger?” He sneered.

  • I just about died inside.

  • OH sure, don’t mind me, just on a date here, just trying to impress this seemingly impossibly

  • gorgeous and lovely cool woman sat across the table from me whilst slowly easing her into my incredibly

  • odd medical conditions and not putting her off by being a giant weirdo but please, go

  • ahead, try to ruin my evening. Remind me to pop up the next time youre on a date and

  • point out your excessive nose hair until she gets the ick and runs away, no worries!

  • Kuh!

  • Fortunately Claudia just ignored it and breezed right on over.

  • And that is why I married her

  • But I was dead inside for at least twenty minutes.

  • You don’t know shame until youve tried to give a complexcan I please have this

  • dish but without the x and with double the y instead?” order only to be grilled by

  • the waiter on exactly what you can’t eat and WHY you can’t eat it and WHAT is wrong

  • with you and WHAT will happen if you eat it whilst sitting on a large table of eight hungry

  • people who are being delayed from getting their food by your complex order and are thus

  • staring at you.

  • For some reason- no, actually, notfor some reason’-

  • I was going to sayfor some reason people are much more understanding about other more

  • visible aspects of my disabilitybut obviously they are because theyre VISIBLE.

  • Look, I know it must be very annoying when someone comes in and tells you they have an

  • allergy to gluten and thus you have to wipe down that special part of the kitchen and

  • get out new gloves and put new oil in the machine and handle everything specially and

  • then you bring it out to the diner and they snack on the gluten-y chips of the person

  • next to them anyway. I get it. That’s annoying.

  • That’s why I never sayallergy’, I always sayintolerance’- because even

  • though it makes me bleed internally I don’t want you to have to go through the drama of

  • rearranging your whole kitchen. A trace only gives me bad stomach ache. I’m not going

  • to be really injured just because my food saw a piece of bread across the room.

  • HOWEVER. I also kind of love those terrible people.

  • Those really annoying, whiny people who insist on ordering everything gluten free and say

  • they haveterriblereactions to gluten when really they just get some mild wind?

  • Those people are my heros.

  • (I’m being hyperbolic if you can’t tell but the point still stands)

  • It’s thanks to those annoying people that restaurants now HAVE gluten free menus! It’s

  • thanks to them that I can now look down a list of foods and easily spot the things I

  • can eat.

  • Believe me, there is nothing more irritating than restaurants that saytell us what

  • you want and well see what we can doand then you have to sit there with a waiter

  • for fifteen minutes goingthis? No? Ok, this? NO? This maybe? Right, no.

  • Can you do this?’

  • Just put a tiny ‘G’ next to your dishes! It’s not that hard!

  • Only about 1% of the population actually have a gluten sensitivity-

  • Fun fact, Italy has one of the highest incidences in Europe.

  • - but we one percenters would be having a MUCH harder time of life if the rest of you

  • weren’t making such a noise about it.

  • I’m just waiting forsugar freeto become the new popular trend so I can swoop

  • in and eat all of the sugar free ice cream.

  • Ah!

  • On that note though: why aren’t more things actually sugar free?!?!

  • It’s sugar that creates fat and yet all thesugar free

  • items I see are actually misbrandedhealth foodsthat are FULL of sugar- just a different

  • kind! Honey, agave and fructose are STILL sugar. As areconcentrated dates’.

  • It's just sugar!

  • Wah wah wahartificial sugar is carcinogenic!”- in rats! And so is toast. Exactly how much

  • of it are you eating, anyway?!

  • - Don’t take that as a health claim. I’m not a doctor.

  • Don’t sue me. I’m not worth it.

  • I’m going to keep saying that until one day when I AM worth it. And then youll

  • know I’ve made it.

  • Don’t sue me, even though I AM worth it.”

  • Yes, that was meant to be an old-lady voice. I’m imagining it’s going to take a long

  • time until I’ve made it.

  • So waiters sometimes suck. But so do the people youre dining with.

  • Sometimes theyre amazing and leap in to save me when I’m drowning under the judgement

  • and alsobeing utterly unable to hear! Maybe it’s a deaf thing.

  • Speaking of being judgemental: “you can’t be deaf, you heard what she saidis not

  • a reasonable comment- am I meant to leave in the five minutes of me saying:

  • What? What? Pardon? What? What did you say?”

  • And the three minutes where she told me what she was going to say before she said it???

  • So I know!

  • I just- urg!

  • Boy am I grouchy and in pain today- did I mention I now have merch?

  • [ding!]

  • Friends can suck. Especially since they feel like they have the right to ask super intrusive

  • questions when you are NOT at that level of friendship yet!

  • So when I sayfriends’ I really meanfriendly acquaintances’. The type of

  • people youre getting to know and you might send them a birthday text or leave a message

  • on their Facebook wall but youre not going to be bothered to actually write them a card.

  • Ha! ‘Facebook wall’. Is Facebook still a thing?

  • Those people. Theyre the people who ask exactly what happens when I eat sugar and

  • why I vomit, overheat, get itchy and passout feeling like I’m having a heart attack.

  • To which I can only reply: “Don’t you think I wish I knew?!”

  • I didn’t choose this stupidity! Neither did my body! It’s just fate!

  • Or God.

  • You can argue that one in the comments. I’m not saying either way.

  • And finally we come to the third thingwhat was the third thing?

  • People who get embarrassed for me.

  • I don’t know if that was the third thing. I’m just in pain. I don’t know what I’m

  • doing with my life.

  • Right, so, there are some people in my life who tense up in horror when they see the waiter

  • coming over to us. AND point out every salad on the menu to me the minute we sit down like

  • please just order this easy option Jessica so you don’t have to change so I don’t have

  • to feel really awkward and then die a bit inside.”

  • Despite the fact that I am SO DONE with salad. I like eating lettuce with every meal, that’s

  • the way I was raised- there was always a big bowl of salad on the table- but I don’t

  • like it BEING my every meal. Also salads come withbitsand I can never eat thebits

  • and bybits’ I mean-

  • Bird food.

  • Nuts, needs, weird grains.

  • I can’t eat them and now my salad is tainted I can’t eat anything so

  • Gah! Just no.

  • Right, have I run out of steam on the annoyance train?

  • Maybe. I feel really good now.

  • Mentally. My tummy still hurts.

  • The moral of today’s story: don’t be a jerk to people with dietary restrictions.

  • Thank you, YouTube family, for being amazing listening ears. If you’d like to help keep

  • this channel (by which I mean me) going then please consider becoming a member of

  • The Kellgren-Fozard Club [gasp]

  • You get access to behind-the-scenes videos and posts along with discounted merch days

  • (our next one will be Valentines Day), a cute picture of me after your name and access to

  • custom emojis for one low monthly price!

  • All you have to do is click thejoinbutton down bellow

  • Okay...

  • I'm gonna go lay down

  • Sending love and I’ll see you on Friday for our next video!

  • [kiss]

Hello and welcome to Jessica rants about things 101.

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不要對有飲食限制的人很混蛋![CC] (Don't Be A Jerk To People With Dietary Restrictions! [CC])

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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