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  • Hello chums!

  • It's Editing Jessica again.

  • I think we know if we start the video with Editing Jessica then

  • it probably didn't go too well earlier.

  • That's all I'm going to say on that.

  • So I wake up this morning feeling... felling rather awful.

  • Building...

  • Building sense of impending doom.

  • I was putting on my make up, got to my eyebrows and realized

  • [Dramatically] No I was dying.

  • of a horrific migraine.

  • So obviously the correct thing to do was to get back into bed

  • and then start filming uh.. my random, mumbling, ranting feelings.

  • about my migraine.

  • So.. you know. It's a video. Enjoy.

  • Please don't judge that I am only wearing eyebrows.

  • It's weird. Okay.

  • Hello lovely people.

  • Today we're going to talk about chronic pain.

  • because...

  • boy am I... in some chronic pain.

  • right now.

  • There's this spot in my neck... and if I press on it

  • I don't feel quite so nauseous. It's amazing.

  • I woke up this morning feeling like a lightning bolt had somehow

  • snuck it's way into my eye.

  • But then snuck is a very weird description.

  • Definitely smashed.

  • More of a smash.

  • A lightning bolt smashed its way into my face.

  • That's how it feels.

  • It looks perfectly normal. I know.

  • That's... what it's like though with a migraine.

  • Looks fine. Feels like my face has been smashed in.

  • Wonderful.

  • I thought it was a good opportunity though to talk about

  • chronic pain.

  • [Quietly] Jesus don't touch that bit of your neck.

  • I have people ask meand by people I mean doctors

  • "When did your pain start?"

  • I can't really remember I wasn't in pain.

  • I think I was just born screaming in pain and

  • then it's continued forever.

  • [chuckles]

  • [sighs]

  • And then of course you might be wondering

  • "But why are you filming today Jessica if you're in such bad pain?"

  • But the thing is... if I don't do things

  • just because I'm in pain

  • Well, when would I ever do anything?

  • You just have to keep on living your life, right?

  • Even if you have a horrific migraine.

  • Even if you're.... I don't know

  • back hurts so badly you can't get out of bed.

  • You still have to keep on dong things.

  • I not only have too... but want to.

  • I want to keep on...

  • enjoying my life.

  • Which I do very much... even though it hurts.

  • The life. Not the enjoyment. Clearly.

  • It's funny having a body that's this weak.. and fragile.

  • It doesn't feel like it should belong to me really.

  • I got told off by a therapist once.

  • I had to go to child therapy.

  • I was 17.

  • It wasn't a great match.

  • That's what happens when you get diagnosed at a late age.

  • And uhh.... and she told me off...

  • for having too much distance between my body and my mind and thought.

  • But I think that's fine.

  • I don't think there's anything particularly unhealthy in it.

  • I see my body as very separate to my mind.

  • But I love my body and I care for it and I want it to be okay.

  • But I think in some ways I think it's... healthy

  • for me to see my mind as being inside a body

  • that is not always...

  • great. Because...

  • It's not... me. It's not my mind.

  • I'm not the one that stops me from doing things.

  • It's just this body that I happen to have.

  • That I happened to be given and it has its challenges and..

  • I just have to work my way around those.

  • Maybe it's also to do with being called feeble and weak and

  • useless and lazy for so long.

  • Though those are just things I associate with my body.

  • It's not me. I tried. I wanted to do things

  • I just couldn't because of the body... so.

  • Ah well.

  • It's much easier to forgive my body if I think of it as being something that's

  • a little bit separate.

  • It's a rather heavy topic

  • I realize.

  • But there we go.

  • Claud had to leave for work this morning.

  • and I know she was not happy to leave me.

  • She looked very...

  • very...

  • upset about it really.

  • But it's okay. I do have Clara. Clara's here. Looking after me.

  • Not entirely alone. Yay.

  • The most annoying thing...

  • is that I'm not entirely sure why I have an awful migraine.

  • Ohhh..

  • Oh I shouldn't laugh actually. That apparently hurts.

  • If this is your first time meeting me

  • Hi. Hello. I do actually have like a whole face.

  • You just.. don't get to see it today.

  • I have a genetic illness that affects my

  • nerves, muscles, organs,

  • immune system. All that jazz.

  • Pretty much everything.

  • And also...

  • I guess it gives me these migraines.

  • But I...

  • have migraines for a variety of reasons.

  • So it's very annoying.

  • I have to try and find which one it is that's stopped me.

  • Is it because I'm low on blood sugar

  • Well I woke up this morning and ate 3 packets of PomBears and an apple

  • because my body wanted me to.

  • I don't know.

  • And that doesn't appear to have helped.

  • I also ate something else but I can't remember what now.

  • Custard?

  • Maybe I ate some custard.

  • Or it could be low blood pressure.

  • That's also something that I have to deal with.

  • But then it does tend to right itself when I've lain down for a while.

  • And this isn't doing that. Same with P.O.T.S.

  • Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome.

  • That's good isn't it?

  • P.O.T.S.

  • I just like that it abbreviates into

  • something cute.

  • Oh wait. That's not an abbreviation.

  • That's an initialization, isn't it?

  • My brain's a bit foggy.

  • You have to excuse me. Can't quit rememb [mumbles]

  • English lessons now.

  • So P.O.T.S. is pretty awful.

  • Dealing with that's pretty hard.

  • But again lying down does tend to help.

  • And this isn't being improve by that at all.

  • Could be hormonal.

  • My body tends to attack myself at certain times of the month.

  • But I don't think it's that right time of the month. So...

  • Could be fatigue related.

  • If I'm too tired I get migraines.

  • Could be that.

  • I have done a lot recently I suppose.

  • A week and a half ago I was in L.A.

  • for a work trip and

  • it's been a bit difficult to recover from.

  • No not a week and a half ago.

  • [Mumbling] It's going (inaudible) time.

  • Christmas is always pretty tiring tiring right?

  • Oh gosh. I feel so sick.

  • You have to excuse me if halfway through this video I just stand up and vomit.

  • Stand up. I shan't stand up.

  • There's a bucket on the other side of me.

  • I'll just roll over.

  • Nausea and vomiting are also things

  • that

  • come at me quite often.

  • Most mornings I have nausea that lasts for 2 to 3 hours.

  • I think nausea is quite a difficult one to do things with.

  • I find pain if it's

  • body pain like a... sprained ankle,

  • broken arm, whatever

  • much easier to deal with.

  • Because it's not in my head.

  • The bit that controls everything and

  • thinks and is and does.

  • Pain in my head I find

  • slightly harder to cope with.

  • It's quite nice talking about it really.

  • Rather than just being here on my own.

  • Well I say on my own. Not really on my own.

  • Got two dogs here.

  • I swear earlier I found this nerve in my neck

  • that I pressed it down and the pain would subside.

  • I can't seem to find it now.

  • Rather irritating.

  • It is pretty annoying really.

  • Having a head like this. I feel as if everything I say is

  • reverberating... through my head in waves of pain.

  • And each wave causes nausea

  • But...

  • I've been here before. I've done this before.

  • I know that it goes away.

  • It always does.

  • I might have pain every day but it has ups and it has downs.

  • It doesn't really mean much in the grand scheme of things to me.

  • It will get better.

  • On a day with less pain, I will go and do something marvelous.

  • And that's what I'll remember.

  • I don't tend to remember the days in bed like this.

  • When the pain is so bad

  • I can't open my eyes.

  • Because why on Earth would I waste my memory space?

  • Unless something wonderful happens.

  • My sister-in-law brought my little nephew around.

  • And he played on the bed. Even though I felt horrendous.

  • It was so nice to see him.

  • So that type of memory I keep.

  • I make it sound like I'm selective.

  • Days like this I just wait for the next good one to come.

  • And I know that it will.

  • Everything gets better in time.

  • I think they want me to sleep.

  • Like that will help. It doesn't.

  • I think it makes other people feel better.

  • Feel like they're doing something useful.

  • And sometimes it's just a kindness

  • to tell people you are feeling better.

  • Or that what they are doing is helpful

  • even though really they're just shaking the bed and it hurts.

  • I think to put kindness into the world is more important than anything else.

  • And that will be my good thing for the day.

  • Even if I can't do anything else.

  • Just try and spread some kindness.

  • Goodbye my lovely people.

  • I hope you've enjoyed my little ramble. Now I'm going to get Clara to edit this.

  • Clearly I'm not doing anything today.

  • Sending love to those of you also dealing with pain.

  • And love to your people if you're not the one in pain.

  • Love to your person

  • who copes, who manages and who keeps going.

  • Always gets better.

  • Just remember that. Always get better.

  • You wont always feel like this.

  • You can do it.

  • I know it probably sometimes seems a bit strange to film yourself

  • in your worse moments. But

  • I think it's important because hey

  • my channel's all about my life with a chronic illness

  • and... if I only filmed the good bits

  • it would be a lie because that's not life.

  • And also I don't want you guys to... to feel alone.

  • You know?

  • You're not the only one who goes through this.

  • If you're a person who goes through horrible migraines.

  • And if you're not a person who goes through horrible migraines

  • it's probably also really helpful to see someone who does

  • because then you understand a bit more.

  • about them.

  • So there you go. That was Day 11 of my Christmastide video series.

  • All of the other videos are linked in the description down below.

  • If you want to know what we got each other for presents today

  • you can find out on Instagram

  • Just like yesterday's video when I was too tired to add that in.

  • Okay. Good.

  • I'll see you tomorrow. For the very last in my series.

  • I've actually really, really been enjoying making

  • despite the two little

  • blips.

  • Oh my health!

  • Oh.

  • Good times.

  • Sending love to those of you feeling not too great today either.

  • This. I just put makeup on.

  • It's a lie. I feel terrible.

  • Goodbye.

Hello chums!

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我拍下了我的慢性偏頭痛 // Christmastide Day 11 [CC] 。 (I Filmed My Chronic Migraine // Christmastide Day 11 [CC])

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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