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  • Hey, Tech Lead here and welcome back to another episode,

  • now I have a bit of funny news to share with you guys.

  • It's not that funny actually,

  • my wife left me.

  • Now, I know that some of you guys may be surprised

  • that I have a wife,

  • or had, and

  • I have a kid as well, a three year old child, he's great.

  • I love that guy,

  • But one day she just

  • took all of her stuff,

  • packed all of her bags,

  • took my kid and just left,

  • went back to Japan.

  • Now, I don't want to get too much into the details

  • because I think that this would be

  • disrespectful for her

  • and it's just way too much information, right, like

  • it's just random personal, small detailed information that

  • doesn't really help anybody,

  • but, first of all I do want to say that

  • the biggest victim in all of this is my son, and,

  • you know, I strongly believe that children should be growing

  • up with two parents,

  • so it is just an absolute shame that this had to happen

  • and you know we did have some issues,

  • I did not expect it would get this bad,

  • to this point.

  • I had always envisioned that I would be living

  • many, many years, to the end of my life with this person

  • and my son and that it would just be a great family,

  • but there were differences in culture,

  • in value, in where people wanted to be.

  • Her family was mostly over in Japan.

  • I tried my absolute hardest to get this to work

  • and I loved both of those people to the very end,

  • until they just decided to leave,

  • without really talking about it anymore

  • and broke off communications.

  • So,

  • (sharp exhale)

  • and the whole story is super complex and I might get into it

  • over time, but in this episode I specifically wanted to

  • focus on the money portion of this,

  • since sometimes I talk about personal finance,

  • but yeah, you can see that this whole apartment is empty.

  • It has been empty for a while now.

  • Let's talk about how money affects a relationship,

  • because I feel that success played a big role

  • in the destruction of our relationship

  • and it did this in ways that I did not expect.

  • Okay, so, firstly money acts as an escape hatch,

  • anytime you have the smallest little disagreement

  • or argument you can just press this button

  • and you'll be given boatloads of money

  • and you'll be on your way, you can get out,

  • and you can go travel or do whatever you want,

  • you can decide to become a single parent,

  • which is normally very difficult but,

  • it's actually quite easy if you have sufficient funds,

  • such that you don't even need to work,

  • you can just stay home and watch the kid and you know,

  • like for example, my parents, they came into the U.S.,

  • they were broke and that struggle became a bomb for them,

  • and there was no quick, easy escape hatch for either of them

  • they just had to learn to cooperate and work together

  • and that strengthened their relationship.

  • But, not so much, if you have some level of success,

  • and I feel like I have been climbing Mt. Everest

  • and halfway up

  • with my partner,

  • she decides to bail on me, and,

  • normally there's no way to bail on a mountain like that

  • you have to get to the top or keep struggling to go up.

  • But, when you have funds, you can just call in a helicopter

  • and say you want out,

  • and the helicopter would just take you out

  • and you don't have to do that struggle,

  • you don't have to mess around there

  • and then that leaves me stranded there,

  • like I don't know if I'll be able to get to the top anymore.

  • Now the second point here is that money makes

  • small acts of kindness,

  • trivial,

  • garbage,

  • like when I know I've messed up I will try

  • to apologize by taking my wife to seafood restaurants,

  • getting her to her favorite bakery,

  • getting her some chocolates,

  • buying her a diamond Tiffany necklace,

  • but she did not appreciate any of this stuff

  • because when you have, like, tons of money,

  • all of that just pales in comparison.

  • It just doesn't really matter anymore.

  • On her birthdays I would get her, like, a $30 item,

  • or something and then she would say that I did not

  • get her anything for her birthday.

  • Like, I just forgot it,

  • it's like,

  • well no,

  • I spent very hard coming up with this item,

  • but essentially what happens is that,

  • when I mess up,

  • It's just very difficult for me to apologize,

  • right?

  • Through small acts of kindness.

  • It needs to be to the level

  • on the scale of success

  • that I've reached,

  • like if Bill Gates were to buy you

  • a $20 dinner

  • you would think he doesn't mean it,

  • does that mean anything to him?

  • Well, it depends, right?

  • Like for me, my personal value of money has

  • not grown in proportion to the success

  • that I may have reached, such that,

  • you know,

  • $30 still feels like a lot to me, but,

  • for other people who maybe come in and

  • they just take a look at the wider picture

  • they think, that's nothing, that's nothing to this guy,

  • he doesn't, he doesn't care about that,

  • he doesn't care about me.

  • It essentially makes apologies extremely difficult

  • if not impossible to do, because,

  • small acts of kindness,

  • words, just carry no weight

  • at that point.

  • You know, the other thing is that

  • it made the best thing about me,

  • the defining factor about me,

  • my financial success, right?

  • It's very difficult to ignore,

  • it's the biggest elephant in the room

  • and I don't consider my wife to be a gold digger

  • by any means, I wouldn't have married her otherwise,

  • but there would just be moments where it would seem like

  • well, my funny personality,

  • my charm, it just carries no weight,

  • next to the biggest,

  • the best thing about me, which is that I'm successful

  • and I'm sure many other couples will experience this,

  • especially after an argument,

  • they may say

  • Well, why are they together? And then they may think back

  • to the good times, good old memories

  • and then they'll remember, yeah,

  • that's why they love this person, but,

  • when there's something so big, like a elephant in the room

  • which is the financial success of this person,

  • then you just immediately think to that.

  • It's like, oh yeah, right, this person is successful,

  • they're providing my livelihood

  • when,

  • it's better if you didn't have that

  • and then you force people to think a little bit more

  • and think about why the relationship may be valuable.

  • Now, the third point I have for you here is that

  • money just makes it extremely easy to solve problems,

  • it becomes the way that people start solving problems.

  • Right? Like,

  • it's just so easy to say,

  • hey, we're gonna give this another chance,

  • but you gotta buy me a new car,

  • or like, hey, you've gotta take me to a fancy restaurant

  • and it just became a way to solve problems

  • and then people start comparing themselves

  • and getting frustrated when they see, well,

  • how come everybody else is going to this $100 restaurant

  • and then we're not going there,

  • are we valuing each other?