字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 Hey, Tech Lead here and welcome back to another episode, now I have a bit of funny news to share with you guys. It's not that funny actually, my wife left me. Now, I know that some of you guys may be surprised that I have a wife, or had, and I have a kid as well, a three year old child, he's great. I love that guy, But one day she just took all of her stuff, packed all of her bags, took my kid and just left, went back to Japan. Now, I don't want to get too much into the details because I think that this would be disrespectful for her and it's just way too much information, right, like it's just random personal, small detailed information that doesn't really help anybody, but, first of all I do want to say that the biggest victim in all of this is my son, and, you know, I strongly believe that children should be growing up with two parents, so it is just an absolute shame that this had to happen and you know we did have some issues, I did not expect it would get this bad, to this point. I had always envisioned that I would be living many, many years, to the end of my life with this person and my son and that it would just be a great family, but there were differences in culture, in value, in where people wanted to be. Her family was mostly over in Japan. I tried my absolute hardest to get this to work and I loved both of those people to the very end, until they just decided to leave, without really talking about it anymore and broke off communications. So, (sharp exhale) and the whole story is super complex and I might get into it over time, but in this episode I specifically wanted to focus on the money portion of this, since sometimes I talk about personal finance, but yeah, you can see that this whole apartment is empty. It has been empty for a while now. Let's talk about how money affects a relationship, because I feel that success played a big role in the destruction of our relationship and it did this in ways that I did not expect. Okay, so, firstly money acts as an escape hatch, anytime you have the smallest little disagreement or argument you can just press this button and you'll be given boatloads of money and you'll be on your way, you can get out, and you can go travel or do whatever you want, you can decide to become a single parent, which is normally very difficult but, it's actually quite easy if you have sufficient funds, such that you don't even need to work, you can just stay home and watch the kid and you know, like for example, my parents, they came into the U.S., they were broke and that struggle became a bomb for them, and there was no quick, easy escape hatch for either of them they just had to learn to cooperate and work together and that strengthened their relationship. But, not so much, if you have some level of success, and I feel like I have been climbing Mt. Everest and halfway up with my partner, she decides to bail on me, and, normally there's no way to bail on a mountain like that you have to get to the top or keep struggling to go up. But, when you have funds, you can just call in a helicopter and say you want out, and the helicopter would just take you out and you don't have to do that struggle, you don't have to mess around there and then that leaves me stranded there, like I don't know if I'll be able to get to the top anymore. Now the second point here is that money makes small acts of kindness, trivial, garbage, like when I know I've messed up I will try to apologize by taking my wife to seafood restaurants, getting her to her favorite bakery, getting her some chocolates, buying her a diamond Tiffany necklace, but she did not appreciate any of this stuff because when you have, like, tons of money, all of that just pales in comparison. It just doesn't really matter anymore. On her birthdays I would get her, like, a $30 item, or something and then she would say that I did not get her anything for her birthday. Like, I just forgot it, it's like, well no, I spent very hard coming up with this item, but essentially what happens is that, when I mess up, It's just very difficult for me to apologize, right? Through small acts of kindness. It needs to be to the level on the scale of success that I've reached, like if Bill Gates were to buy you a $20 dinner you would think he doesn't mean it, does that mean anything to him? Well, it depends, right? Like for me, my personal value of money has not grown in proportion to the success that I may have reached, such that, you know, $30 still feels like a lot to me, but, for other people who maybe come in and they just take a look at the wider picture they think, that's nothing, that's nothing to this guy, he doesn't, he doesn't care about that, he doesn't care about me. It essentially makes apologies extremely difficult if not impossible to do, because, small acts of kindness, words, just carry no weight at that point. You know, the other thing is that it made the best thing about me, the defining factor about me, my financial success, right? It's very difficult to ignore, it's the biggest elephant in the room and I don't consider my wife to be a gold digger by any means, I wouldn't have married her otherwise, but there would just be moments where it would seem like well, my funny personality, my charm, it just carries no weight, next to the biggest, the best thing about me, which is that I'm successful and I'm sure many other couples will experience this, especially after an argument, they may say Well, why are they together? And then they may think back to the good times, good old memories and then they'll remember, yeah, that's why they love this person, but, when there's something so big, like a elephant in the room which is the financial success of this person, then you just immediately think to that. It's like, oh yeah, right, this person is successful, they're providing my livelihood when, it's better if you didn't have that and then you force people to think a little bit more and think about why the relationship may be valuable. Now, the third point I have for you here is that money just makes it extremely easy to solve problems, it becomes the way that people start solving problems. Right? Like, it's just so easy to say, hey, we're gonna give this another chance, but you gotta buy me a new car, or like, hey, you've gotta take me to a fancy restaurant and it just became a way to solve problems and then people start comparing themselves and getting frustrated when they see, well, how come everybody else is going to this $100 restaurant and then we're not going there, are we valuing each other?