of The Daily Social Distancing Show.

Now, before we get into the show, uh,

I've been getting a lot of questions from you online

asking about things behind me. They're...

People asked me why the plant was dying, so I replaced it.

And, uh, now I've noticed a lot of people

asking what the round things are behind me.

And, first of all: no, it's not a sex thing,

so stop saying that, okay? These are actually

African heritage domes, which a mother hands down to her son

to remind him of the bond they'll always share.

We call them impundu zakho. That's what it is.

Anyway, we're on day 12 of staying at home

to try and stop the coronavirus and destroy my social life.

And here's your tip of the day: if you're baking cupcakes

and you run out of icing, you can just use toothpaste.

Yeah. It looks exactly the same

and now your cupcakes are healthy.

Anyway, tonight we're gonna catch up on the latest news,

like businesses booming from coronavirus,

the trials of Dr. Fauci

and President Trump itching to leave the house again.

So let's get into it.

Welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show.

-♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: From Trevor's couch in New York City

to your couch somewhere in the world, this is

The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah.

Okay, let's kick it off with some good news first.

As you know, hospitals are running short

on essential equipment to treat people with coronavirus--

and that includes ventilators-- to help people breathe,

because, remember, it's a respiratory illness.

But now-- this is great news-- major car manufacturers

like Ford and General Motors have announced that they'll be

retooling their factories

so they can make ventilators to help out.

It'll take a few months to get them up and running, but, still,

I mean, this is great that the car companies are stepping up

to help with the ventilator shortage.

And it's gonna be great.

It just means the next Fast and the Furious movie

is gonna be a little bit weird.

(imitates Vin Diesel): It's about family

and breathing and social distancing.

(normal voice): Oh, another good piece of news right now

is, uh, for all the wild animals out there, you see,

because with millions of us humans locked indoors,

bears, deer, elephants and other animals are now

just exploring cities around the world without fear.

Yeah. So, basically, after hundreds of years

of animals being in the zoo, now the tables have turned

and we're the ones in the zoo. Yeah.

Soon you're just gonna see elephants outside your window

looking in like, "Oh, wow, honey. Come look.

"Come look at this guy and his cute little trunk.

"Oh, he's so adorable. Oh!

Oh, I'll never forget this, oh."

So, that's the good news.

The bad news is that corona

is still surging around the world

with almost 400,000 confirmed global infections.

Yeah, and all over the world people are reacting.

In my home country of South Africa,

President Ramaphosa has announced a nationwide

21-day lockdown, but the shutdown

only goes into effect on Friday. Which is really cool.

It's like the coronavirus is getting a bachelor party.

It's like, "All right, boys, I got three days of freedom.

Let's go to the club and make it count!"

Now, I think this is great for so many reasons.

One, it gives people time to stock up

without slitting each others' throats over toilet paper.

#America, #NoNames, #YouKnowWhoI'mTalkingAbout.

Two, it gives everyone a chance to get a haircut

so they're not looking like a caveman

when they're stuck inside the house. Look at me!

Where are you, Bubba? Where are you?

And, most importantly, three days' notice gives you time--

crucial time--

to convert your crush

into your quarantine bae.

Yeah, you don't think about that.

America just announces a shutdown.

What about all the single people?

At least in South Africa they give you time.

You got four days.

Can be like, "Hey, you want to...

"corona and chill for the next 21 days?

Yeah? Yeah?"

So that's South Africa.

Now, over in Britain,

after months of hoping the problem would go away,

yesterday Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced

that he was also locking down the entire country

for at least three weeks.

Yes, Britains will only be allowed to leave their home

for supplies, essential work

and one form of daily exercise. Yeah.

And if you're wondering what that means,

it is a little strange that they say

"one form" of daily exercise.

So it's almost like if you're going for a jog,

you can't walk after... It's just like,

(English accent): "Oi, oi, oi! one form--

"you running or you walking?"

"But I'm tired."

"That means you keep running."

(normal voice): Oh, and if you're wondering what

the British do to exercise, well, they-they do

traditional British things like cycling, uh, rowing

and, obviously, colonization.

Now, in America, the situation is steadily getting worse.

New York and California are starting to see their hospitals

overwhelmed with corona cases,

with California predicting its hospitals will be short

about 17,000 beds,

and New York is saying it needs to double its hospital beds

just to keep up with surging demand.

And the news isn't much better for the economy.

You see, in the wake of millions of American workers

being forced to stay home, people are losing their jobs

and companies are being forced to shut down.

Although-- and this is strange--

there are some businesses who are experiencing a surge--

a positive surge-- because of coronavirus.

Stores like Dollar General, Walmart,

Papa John's and Amazon

are seeing so much demand right now

that they're hiring

hundreds of thousands of new workers.

Not to mention-- and this is real--

Pornhub is experiencing a spike in traffic.

Like, I mean, like, a super spike, you know?

Like, the corona curve? That's also the porn curve as well.

We we need to flatten both of those curves.

Yeah, Pornhub blowing up.

You know who you are, watching The Daily Show

and then afterwards you go to Pornhub. Huh?

What are you searching there?

Coronavirus news?

I see you.

In fact, Pornhub is so busy right now,

they had to hire a special team of people

just to keep their servers running.

We actually have video of them right now.

All ahead full.

-MAN: All ahead full! -(ringing)

(shouting)

Wow.

I never realized porn ran on coal.

It's fascinating.

You learn something new every day.

All right, now the main story in America right now,

like most days for the past five years,

is Donald J. Trump.

Ever since this epidemic began,

he's been desperate for it to miraculously resolve itself.

Right? He downplayed its severity.

He said it would vanish magically in April.

And, lately, he's been promoting the drug chloroquine

as a miracle cure.

Now, this drug hasn't actually been tested,

and evidence of its benefits are still anecdotal.

But because the president is out there promoting it every day,

there has been a run on it.

People are panicking, and they're trying to get this drug

because they think it can help.

And the problem is that a lot of people with diseases like lupus

and rheumatoid arthritis actually need this medication,

and now there's a shortage and they can't get it.

It's so frustrating, man.

You know what we need to do with Donald Trump?

The same way they bleep out curse words in rap videos,

they need to start bleeping out Trump's misinformation

at his press briefings. Yeah.

Every time he's up there at the podium,

whenever he speaks, they should be ready with the censors.

He'll be like, "I want to tell you all

"about the benefits of word

"(bleep)

"(bleep) word

"(bleep)

"and all the great things it can (bleep).

"(bleep) formative big-time.

"And it's great for your skin.

Thank you."

Now, as much as you want to blame Trump,

we also have to ask ourselves

how people are getting a prescription drug

that they don't need.

Yes, Trump is wrong for recommending this

when he's not a doctor, but, clearly,

there are some shady-ass real doctors out there

who are putting peoples' lives at risk,

and they should definitely know better than Donald Trump.

Oh, and promoting unproven cures

isn't the only sign that Donald Trump desperately wants

to wish the coronavirus away,

because now, now he actually thinks

we've done enough social distancing

and, in his opinion,

it's just time for everybody to get back to work.

America will again and soon be open for business,

uh, very soon.

A lot sooner than, uh, three or four months

that somebody was suggesting. A lot sooner.

We cannot let the cure be worse than the problem itself.

We're not gonna let the cure be worse than the problem.

Our country's not supposed to be--

You know, it's not-- it's not built to shut down.

Our people are full of vim and vigor and energy.

They don't want to be locked into a-a house

or an apartment or some space.

It's not for our country.

You know, you can destroy a country this way,

by closing it down.

Now, look, I know many health experts are saying

Trump is extremely irresponsible right now,

but I can see where Donald Trump is coming from.

Right? I can see why he wants social distancing to end.

I would also take my chances with coronavirus

if the alternative were spending months trapped in the house

with Eric.

"Dad, now that we're here forever,

do you have time for me?"

"Uh, corona, it's over, folks.

"Time to get back out there.

"It's over. It's over.

No more soc-- The-the cure is worse than the problem."

"But, Dad, we got to stay indoors."

"No, no, no, we don't.

"No, we don't. Corona!

I'm ready for you."

Here's the thing.

I know Trump wants to reassess things

after the 15-day quarantine.

That's what he keeps on saying, right?

He says we should reassess

after the 15-day quarantine is over.

But... what quarantine?

Two-thirds of the American population

hasn't even been quarantined.

People around the country have been out at bars,

at restaurants, beaches the whole time.

So what are we reassessing after the 15 days? Huh?

We're just gonna go back to normal

after doing a half-assed job?

'Cause some of us have been flattening the curve.

See this? See this?

This is flattening the curve. Yeah.