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  • All across the country right now, as you know,

  • states are trying their best to handle the coronavirus,

  • and they're doing it in different ways.

  • And New York has taken social distancing so seriously

  • that Mayor Bill de Blasio has now announced

  • that he's gonna start ripping down basketball hoops

  • out of all the city parks

  • so that people don't want to go and play there.

  • Oh, and, fun fact, de Blasio is the only mayor in America

  • who has to bend down when he rips out the hoops.

  • Oh!

  • So, that's what's happening in New York.

  • But other states are taking a different approach

  • to keep themselves safe,

  • uh, hanging up a "no trespassing" sign.

  • REPORTER: Fly to Florida and it will really cost you.

  • You're going to have to self-isolate for two weeks

  • before do you anything else.

  • Hopefully, that will be a deterrent for people.

  • If you're just simply trying to escape here,

  • uh, to avoid the restrictions that have been put in place

  • in your own state, that is probably not a good idea.

  • Meantime, both Alaska and Hawaii are now requiring

  • mandatory 14-day quarantines for everyone entering their states.

  • REPORTER 2: They say if you aren't able to comply

  • with the quarantine,

  • you will need to postpone your trip.

  • I hope that everyone complies and visitors do not come here.

  • We do want those who may have scheduled trips to the islands--

  • take the action to cancel or reschedule their trip.

  • Yeah, that's right.

  • If you try and get off the plane in Alaska,

  • Hawaii, or Florida,

  • instead of a guy with a sign

  • holding up your name at the airport,

  • people just have a sign that says,

  • "Turn around, dick."

  • And, I mean, I'm assuming your name is Dick.

  • I mean, they could write "Richard," if you prefer that.

  • They just-- "Turn around" and the person.

  • But if these states really want to keep people out,

  • instead of tourism ads, you know what they need?

  • They need to make some anti-tourism ads.

  • In fact,

  • we did it for them.

  • ANNOUNCER: Ah, Hawaii.

  • With its sandy beaches,

  • lush rainforests, and friendly people,

  • Hawaii is heaven on earth,

  • or at least it was until you dirty mainlanders

  • came and infected us.

  • From now on, just stay the hell away.

  • Remember, we've also got volcanoes,

  • and we're not afraid to throw you into one.

  • Hawaii.

  • Go to Florida. It's closer.

  • ANNOUNCER 2: Are you looking for breathtaking landscapes,

  • untamed wildlife,

  • and blissful solitude?

  • Well, tough shit.

  • We don't want you here.

  • And your tropical ass wouldn't last a day anyway.

  • This is Alaska, mother(bleep).

  • We're basically in Russia.

  • We still use dogs for cars.

  • Alaska. Come one step closer

  • and I swear to God we'll blow up all the oil.

  • ♪ ♪

  • ANNOUNCER 3: Can't wait to visit Florida?

  • Sure, you can.

  • It's not all sunshine and Mickey Mouse down here.

  • -Remember that guy on bath salts -Bath salts.

  • who tried to eat another guy's face?

  • That happened here.

  • And you know where all those Florida men live?

  • In (bleep) Florida.

  • Plus, this is where all the old people are.

  • Does this look like a party to you?

  • You really need a list of reasons to stay away?

  • Fine. Angry gators,

  • frozen iguanas, Mar-a-Lago,

  • humidity, stand-your-ground,

  • hurricanes, Tim Tebow.

  • Florida.

  • Stay away from our penis-shaped hellhole.

  • ♪ ♪

All across the country right now, as you know,

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國家實施檢疫以阻止旅行|每日社會隔離秀----------。 (States Enforce Quarantines to Discourage Travel | The Daily Social Distancing Show)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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