Justmakesure I feelthatit's definitelyintheblushpart, andthen I justtopitoff.
Yousurethere's nottoomuch?
I hadtostopwaitingforotherpeopletostandupforme.
I hadtostopwaitingforotherpeopletoraisetheirvoiceforme.
So I hadtohavehercometomyhouseanddo a videowithme.
Andshe's a lotofideas.
Shewantedtomakemeblindfor a day.
ShewantedThiotrytomakemydogsandguidedogslikeit a lotoffunideas, but I'm gonnabehonest.
I have a huge, hugefearoflosingmysight.
It's beensomething I'vehadnightmaresaboutsince I was a kid.
Sometimesif I thinkaboutittoomuch, I willliterallyspininto a panicattack.
Theideaofjustwakinguponemorning, possiblyblindlikeyouwon't beabletoseemoviesorlookatInstagramorsee a cutedogwhenyou'rewalkingdownthestreetlikeallofthatonmygoddamnparty.
Yeah, it's justIt's justlike I experiencedeverythingwithmyothersenses.
So, likenothingisiswith a visual.
Also, evenwhen I dreamlike I'm justdreamingand, like, smellsandtasteandtouch.
Andit's notlikethere's justnovisualsthathappenedwithOh, I have a question.
Okay, sosay, oh, gooddreamslike, Oh, man, I wasinthisbakery.
Oh, itwasnotsogood.
Andthatis a nightmare.
LikeOh, God, I wasinthemiddleof a gameislike a nightmarelikesensations.
They'rescaryandterrifying.
Anyfeelscared?
Ormaybethere's a badsmellandyouwakeuplikethatsucked.
Yeah, it's like I justgetlike, theracingheartandlikethefearandlike, that's a baddream, right?
Versusfeelinglikeexcitedandhappybeing a gooddreamLike I'vetalkedto a lotofmyfriendsthatwerebornblindintherelikeThisismylife, youknow, likewhen I learnedhowtoread, I readBraille.
When I learnedhowtodothis, I diditthisway, whereasforme I hadtolearneverythingthesecondtimeat, like a reallypivotalpointoflikebeing a 14 yearoldgirl, goingthroughpubertyanddoingallthenormal 14 girlthings.
Andthenit's likeButnow I goblind.
I hadtomournthelossoftheperson I waasandkindofdiscover a newpersoninsideofmetobecomeandwith a funprocess.
I knowitwasveryshittyatthetime.
Itwasreallyhardon.
I wentthroughlike, reallyseveredepression, and I wassuicidal I harmed.
Itwaslike a verybadtimeinmylife.
I lostallofmyfriendsand I Wouldyouloseyourfriend?
Whywouldtheyleave?
I don't understand.
Yeah, I guessbecause I wentfrombeinglikethispersonwho's, like, reallybubblyandhappy, youknow, goingtobeing, youknow, sadanddepressedallthetimeandangry.
And I thinkthathowtheywentaboutitwasn't rightbybullyingme.
But I feellikeitwasallthatkindoflikeknewhowto d'oh!
Youknow, liketheyjusttheyweredoingwiththeirownstuff, I guess, and, like, justcouldn't handlemineontopofthat.
And I getitbecause, youknow, there's noexcuseforwhattheydidtome.
But I alsocansaythat I hardlyunderstoodwhat I wasgoingthrough.
Sotoexpectother 13 and 14 yearoldpeopletounderstandwhat I wasgoingthroughwouldbeasking a lotwherethey'realreadygoingthroughtheirownstuff, youknow, Howlongdidittakeyou?
BecauseyoukeepsayingtodayLike I said, it's notsad.
Forme, thatwaslike a lotoftherapyandjustkindoflearningThiorediscoverhowtoelovethingsthat I lovebefore, Like I lovemakeupandfashion.
Andsowhen I wentblind, I waslike, OhmyGod, But I stilllovethosethings.
Sowhen I lovesomethingthat I couldnolongerseeandsokindofonce I startedrediscoveringhowtodomymakeupwithoutsight, howtoenjoyfashionwithoutseeingitand, youknow, meetingpeopleinmylifewhodidacceptmeforwho I am?
Orlikehe's likemyChaneltoyourtargetbecausehe's like a $40,000 dogtoyourlike, youknow, pestoranimalDraggingmydaughter, yourdogsspecificallyjustthegeneralpopulationofdogs.