Madam, I'm in line to the throne

and, as such, we shall be dining somewhere that befits my title.

Pizza Express, Woking!

BUZZER

Ah, Batman! I mean, I suppose technically it's a costume.

BUZZER

Heathcliff, Heathcliff, let me in, let me in!

I just wondered if we could count on your vote on December 12th?

BUZZER

Generally, I am a footman, sir.

Although I do also like the bottom and the breasts.

BUZZER

Just reading this review from the Anne Boleyn musical.

It says, "It was a good idea, but I didn't like the execution."

Lord Windermere is famed for his opulent balls.

I've heard he wet-shaves them.

BUZZER

LABOURED SCOTTISH ACCENT: Aye, ya can take our land!

Ya can take our lives!

But ya cannae do our accent!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

BUZZER

You are Jane Eyre.

So this must be your brother, Nike.

BUZZER

That new servant girl is so cold and unresponsive.

Watch this.

Alexa? Alexa?

Your Lordship, I am delighted and excited

by the unexpected turn our correspondence has taken.

I await with feverish excitement

the next portrait of your engorged penis.

Please accept this crude sketch of my boobs...

..as a token of my affection.

BUZZER

My heart is in my mouth.

My liver is in my anus.

Jesus, this corset is tight!

Carson, please get your hand out of my trousers.

When I told you to go below stairs, it wasn't a euphemism.

BUZZER

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius.

So, yeah, that's Mike, Alpha, X-ray, India, Mike...

BUZZER

As the ruler of this country, I demand some respect.

When you see me, you will bow

and you will say "Yas...queen!"

BUZZER

Mr Darcy, I could never belong to you, I'm promised to another.

But I could give you a quick handy behind the bushes.

BUZZER