Kids?

Never.

Wow.

Not even telling Mom, you know, definitely no case.

I'm on teen Mom.

She stopped taking birth.

Control's I'm trying to figure out way are here.

Um, during what?

Selling out slash.

Probably gonna ruin our relationship.

Slash doing exactly what you said.

You never would when you announced we were dating?

Yes.

Let me once.

I can't explain.

Why am I clapping?

Why am I angry?

I know When I originally posted instagram of me and him for the first time, I was like, Listen, I specifically said, Don't worry, I I don't want to exploit this or do boyfriend tags literally.

Do the boyfriend tied, like a week later?

Corny.

That dumb shit.

I still stand by that.

But I feel like now that I know for sure I'm not dumping you like i k now.

I did it.

I actually did.

Do you not know about You look scared?

What?

Like maybe a month into the relationship?

I was so nervous because I was just like you're gonna leave me.

Why are you with me?

That noise was gross.

So then I got, like, paranoid, So I tried to catfish.

You what?

That my boy.

You have used a different profile and talk to her that make sure it was the same person.

Are you when you say it like that sounds crazy.

I know.

Okay, here's what Actually, I went on to another dating app, and I found you on this.

I just like, Hey, sexy.

What are you doing?

And I was like, If he replies then Oh, my God, I can't trust him.

But you never Oh, so we actually did not meet on Tender.

We met on something called Bumble Butt.

Bumble is like, how does relevant is her?

So we're gonna be saying Tender, let's open up the app.

Okay, so I think first, we should show them our profiles.

You first.

Okay, so here's mine.

So I feel like that's just like a classy like I work out.

That's actually a great photo.

Really?

You're well trimmed.

Your hair looks good.

Can you see the pimple that I do?

Oh, no.

Well, then it never happened.

Let's go to the next one.

That one slightly more sexual, in my opinion, like that's like me on top of you.

That, to me, is showing you that I'm on top of you, if you know what I say.

So you're about This is my next one.

I like this one because I look tired.

You have a really good face.

That is a nexus thing you've ever said.

The morning.

Look at my face, though the more I looked like a cartoon.

Now no, I'm saying I'm fat because I don't look fat in this picture.

Don't worry.

Attitude.

I don't think you to your face that you see the world, honey, I'm a professional.

Next picture.

So that's a picture of Major and Trish.

I'm gonna give it.

Really?

I debated not putting this one on because I didn't want it to look like Look, I know famous people, but it was more like I thought my neck looked good and I thought it looked like there was already a dick in it.

Just like protruding.

Yeah.

I mean, I feel like my dignity.

Oh, that trigger you.

Okay, so this is a picture of me and my dog.

The dog looks terrified.

Looks like held me.

I hate my owner.

So I felt like that was a good like, Hey, if we start dating.

We're gonna get an animal.

It's gonna hate me.

Psychic twins are quaking.

Last one is me holding a bottle of hot sauce, which is you, that is honestly, do you mean picture?

All right, let's go to your diary.

Oh, I really like somebody.

Wait, what were you saying?

What's your bio?

It says I like movies, food, jokes and people who aren't afraid of eating themselves.

If you have a dog or have this screen trilogy box set, that's a plus.

I didn't need her.

And you have no jokes, and you didn't like it, so it was a problem.

I like food.

No, Chuck, stop.

All right, let's get your profile.

So my first photo is a car selfie that literally looks like you're in a Christian rock group.

Like it worked for you because I'm fucked up to me.

I was just like, yes, fucking fucking a men.

Get on your knees praying my next photo is of me and my friend Marisa playing beer pong like, See, this was my problem with your profile.

Every picture was a different person.

First, we had, like, a weird youth minister who's like, wanna play it up.

Step it up a bit.

Yes, The second photo.

I have, like a bro drinks beer.

Like talks like this.

My hair is Donna.

Wait.

You're nice to make it seem like I actually drink that beer.

Next.

This is looking super.

Do she?

This also doesn't look like you.

This looks like somebody who says they're only gay if they get paid for it.

Yeah, and it's also it's like I'm 30.

I think he's told me so every time that he almost said no because of this boat.

I fucking Hey, shirtless pictures.

I hate people who take them.

And whenever I showed my friend your profile, I would like to not show that Wait.

There's one more, like delete fucking grows it out the window, breaks it.

Why did you take this?

Also took it.

Did you set this up on a tripod?

I think I did.

Was this poor dating?

I don't know.

You look like a sad out of work actor who's like Disney.

I'm still around and they're like, you're 30.

Let's go through our conversation.

This is gonna get Really?

Let's have sexy music way.

Ryan.

Hey, man.

Hello.

How are you?

doing so just to let you guys know When I said Ryan with an exclamation point, I was saying that as if like, I know who you are.

I know you know who I am because long story short, we have mutual friends.

So, like, I'm assuming he knows way right.

So I said, start with exclamation point.

That was intense.

I'm a friend of Lily, and I could've sworn that you've met me at some point, but maybe we didn't.

Anyway, I'm doing good.

How about you?

So embarrassed that I gave you the exclamation mark is bitch or something?

I don't get it.

I just like you didn't know who I waas.

I thought you were over enthusiastic about talking to me.

And I said, This is awkward because I actually have seen this person before he got on.

That was crazy.

You know, I hate that.

Okay, I said, I'm laughing at you, possibly taking back your initial explanation markets.

I was gonna clock that one because I was like, explanation.

I can't go with that.

I said I was feeling like that wasn't Oh, I've seen you, but also wasn't sure you knew.

Anyways, Lily didn't show me the video you guys made on your channel.

It was something.

So here's what happened.

I did a video with a youtuber named Lily, and it was really gross.

So then I put it to brush up my ass.

I used a plunger when I started to sit on their way through your ass.

Yes.

So that was the first video he had seen of me.

Okay, let's continue.

Oh, God.

The fact that you saw that video and then block me a myth is an actual miracle.

Honestly, I take back its point.

Anyways, I instantly felt like a 12 year old girl after I hit Send as a hot No tick bags were so fucking flirty.

You'll forever be known as the man who reached out to me with an explanation.

Honestly, it's better than referring to me.

It's the guy I met on Bumble.

You guys nobody wants.

Luckily for us, I can say we magically met at work when you came into film Beauty break and we lived happily ever after.

Now I feel like you're mocking me with your use of exclamation marks.

But it's fine.

I can take it.

Can we can we say in the matter Cheat day, I feel like that's slightly sexier.

By the way, another site No Cheat Day is a show on YouTube where people eat with gross foods and then bark.

Oh, show where everyone wants to bar right out of a perfect This is it.

Quote.

We both ran to the bathroom together and shared a stall.

He was just so sweet.

And then, after I wiped the warm chunks of vomit off my lips I think this is gonna get well, you're looking for a fuck.

No.

I was looking for a Humvee.

He looked over and said How sexy.

I looked at my hair back.

I had a push back because I didn't want to give vomited.

But I started pushing it back every day after that.

And that's every time I throw up, which is a lot I think of him.

I'm funny.

You're I continued by saying, I'm pretty sure next time you throw up for real, you're gonna think of me.

I was going to reference mean girls with the hair pushed back big, but I didn't know if that was like un cool or something.

Ryland, you're cool in my book.

See, that's my thing that I do.

That's lame.

I get what?

You're cool in my book, period is a little bit douche.

You're cool.

But it felt like you were Aaron Samuels.

That's the point.

I do not look sexy with my hair.

Don't censor your team movie references on the fan of all.

But if you don't know the reference, you know it's not goingto land the attacks and then recovery is much more difficult.

You know, I'm critiquing my flirting skills.

You're over analyzing shit you're like, Well, here's the thing about references, but you put my dick tousle.

My dick is dead.

Can I bury it is you want to my phone, You know, why didn't you want a secret?

What?

Why is to me what I think I told you this.

I was talking to you.

I was dating somebody else.

I hated, not mean they were just actual the fucking worst.

And I didn't know how to get out of it.

So I went back home, Koba, while I was dating this person.

And then I was writing you while I was like, I had just finished fucking and then I was like cleaning off while I was writing you being funny.

I was like rolling over in my bed to turn the light off.

I was rolling over and somebody else's bad e.

I would never put you a central player.

Here's the thing.

I'm not.

Here's what happened.

I'm gonna keep it super real.

Here's why I go on a date.

I don't like them, but they say something nice to me and then I'm like, Okay, you're nice to me.

So then I date them for, like, a long time, and then I have to wait till, like, something that happens in where is in our first day.

I was just being very really Maybe not the nicest.

I think that's what I like about you.

That's right.

I'm so sick of nice people.

I'm skipping some of this, but basically I said, Wow, we're killing the Bumble game.

What time's your bedtime?

I said, we're basically bubble gal's a f Ew.

I said tonight it was a hard woman.

Can you ruined that?

So thanks a lot.

Yeah, I tend to do that.