LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP

COMEDIAN MAKING HER NETWORK TELEVISION DEBUT.

PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW"" KATE WILLETT.

( APPLAUSE ) >> HEY!

HEY, EVERYBODY!

I'M REALLY EXCITED TO BE HERE.

SO, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO STOP DATING IMMATURE GUYS.

I MOVED TO THE TOP OF A HILL SO THAT IT WOULD BE HARDER TO

SKATEBOARD UP THERE.

( LAUGHTER ) I WAS HOOKING UP WITH THIS ONE

GUY FOR A LITTLE WHILE, MAYBE, LIKE, SIX YEARS.

( LAUGHTER ) DURING THAT TIME, HE WOULD TELL

ME NOT TO GET EMOTIONAL.

BUT THEN HE WOULD ALSO CONSTANTLY CONFIDE IN ME ABOUT

HOW HIS DAD LEFT WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE BOY.

AND I TRIED TO BE SUPPORTIVE, BUT AROUND YEAR FOUR OF THAT, I

JUST REALLY STARTED TO SEE WHY THE DAD TOOK OFF.

( LAUGHTER ) I THINK THAT SHAMING PROMISCUOUS

WOMEN IS A VERY BIG PROBLEM IN OUR CULTURE, AND A LOT OF IT IS

COMING FROM MY MOM.

( LAUGHTER ) SHE'LL SAY THINGS LIKE, "KATE, I

THINK IT'S REALLY SAD THAT WOMEN YOUR AGE HOOK UP WITH THESE

LOSER GUYS WHO JUST LEAVE."

AND I'M LIKE, MOM, I THINK IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN THE DAYS WHEN

WOMEN HOOKED UP WITH LOSER GUYS WHO JUST STAYED."

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

NOW A CRAPPY GUY, YOU KNOW HE ONLY WANTS YOU FOR ONE THING.

BUT BACK IN MY MOM'S DAY, THEY ALSO WANTED YOU TO DO DISHES.

( LAUGHTER ) PEOPLE USED TO GET MARRIED WAY

TOO YOUNG.

IF I GOT MARRIED WHEN I WAS 20 LIKE MY MOM DID, I WOULD BE

MARRIED TO A DUDE RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE AT SOME POINT HE JUST

HAD WEED.

( LAUGHTER ) ON THE UP SIDE, LIKE, WE'D SAVE

MONEY ON THE WEDDING BECAUSE HE'S ABSOLUTELY ALREADY BE A

D.J.

( LAUGHTER ) BUT I'M VERY GLAD THAT THINGS

HAVE CHANGED.

IF THIS WAS 40 YEARS AGO, I WOULD NOT BE DOING STAND-UP

RIGHT NOW.

I WOULD PROBABLY BE MARRIED TO SOME KIND OF DEAD-BEAT,

ALCOHOLIC DUDE, AND I'M NOT BECAUSE I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE

BORN IN A TIME WHERE MOST DEAD-BEAT ALCOHOLIC DUDES ARE

NOT REALLY LOOKING TO COMMIT.

( LAUGHTER ) AND I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I HAVE

TRIED REALLY HARD.

( LAUGHTER ) COMEDY IS NOT MY FIRST

MALE-DOMINATED INDUSTRY.

I USED TO WORK IN TECH IN AN OFFICE THAT WAS JUST ME AND 20

GUYS.

THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT POLICY WAS JUST, "HEY, EVERYBODY, PLEASE

LEAVE KATE ALONE."

( LAUGHTER ) I WROTE IT.

( LAUGHTER ) AND NOW BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE

ARE NOT USED TO THE IDEA OF A FEMALE COMEDIAN, I WILL GET

TROLLED BY THESE WEIRD MEN WHO LIVE IN BASEMENTS, AND BEFORE

YOU GET MAD AT ME, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I'M SURE THAT THERE

ARE ALSO SOME REALLY GREAT GUYS WHO LIVE IN BASEMENTS.

( LAUGHTER ) HASHTAG NOT ALL BASEMENT MEN.

LOOK, SOME OF THEM DO NOT HATE WOMEN.

THEY JUST HATE WINDOWS.

BUTTED DUDES WHO ARE TROLLING ME ARE VERY MISOGYNISTIC.

THEY'LL SAY THINGS LIKE, "WOMEN JUST WANT TO TAKE HALF YOUR

STUFF."

AND I'M LIKE, BRO, THERE ARE WAY EASIER WAYS TO GET HALF A BAG OF

DORITOS."

( LAUGHTER ) SOME OF THE GUYS WHO TROLL ME

ARE INCELS, WHICH IS SHORT FOR INVOLUNTARY CELIBATE.

THESE ARE MEN NO ONE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM, AND THEY

COMPLAIN ABOUT IT IN INTERNET FORUMS, WHICH, TO BE HONEST WITH

YOU, I HAVE ALSO DONE.

( LAUGHTER ) WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I HAD

A VERY HARD TIME COMING OUT AS BISEXUAL TO ANYONE EXCEPT FOR

THESE LESBIANS IN AN ONLINE CHAT ROOM.

SO I WOULD GO IN THERE AND BE LIKE, "HEY, I'M A 15-YEAR-OLD

BISEXUAL GIRL, AND I'M SUPER HORNY."

AND THEN THEY WOULD JUST BE LIKE, "GET OUT OF HERE, YOU

DISGUSTING OLD MAN."

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

SO I WENT AND READ SOME INCEL MESSAGE BOARDS AND THE THEME IS,

"NO ONE LIKES ME.

NO ONE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ME.

PEOPLE CANNOT EVEN STAND BEING AROUND ME, SO IT SOUNDS LIKE THE

PROBLEM IS, OBVIOUSLY, WOMEN."

( LAUGHTER ) AND THEIR IDEA FOR A SOLUTION IS

TO MAKE IT ILLEGAL FOR WOMEN TO HAVE SEX WITH MORE THAN ONE MAN

IN OUR LIFETIME SO THAT WE WILL BE REDISTRIBUTED.

( LAUGHTER ) NO MATTER HOW SEXUALLY

FRUSTRATED I HAVE EVER BEEN, I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT TRYING

TO SOLVE IT THROUGH A LEGISLATIVE PROCESS.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

>> Stephen: HER PODCAST IS CALLED "REPLY GUYS" AND IS

AVAILABLE ON iTUNES.

KATE WILLETT, EVERYBODY!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.