But what we expect from marriages has changed beyond recognition way no so much now about why marriages go wrong.

But so little of that knowledge ever makes it into the wedding ceremony itself.

That's why we've decided to redesign the marriage ceremony, creating a modern event that's more realistic and more psychological and therefore better able to help a couple with the joys and sorrows of life together people still long for ritual and formality.

A wedding remains a big deal, and it's good to reflect that in the dignity of the clothes on the setting.

Let's listen in on what happens in our designed a marriage ceremony.

We are gathered today for a solemn event, profoundly hopeful but infinitely difficult.

We're here to celebrate the wedding of Emily and Simon.

A good marriage is not one from which troubles are magically absent.

It is one in which troubles are faced with insight and generosity.

There are a series of rituals in the wedding ceremony.

Things kick off with what's called the ritual off humility.

Humility is probably the most important emotion for the success of a relationship humility starts with an ample, accurate and sorrowful recognition of all one's failings.

It is filled with apology and modesty.

It doesn't pretend that floors are charming quirks or excusable oddities.

It contains an open admission that we wish we were different on better.

Simon, do you admit that your failed broken human being not in every way but in some ways so serious that you will appoints be a grave burden to Emily?

Yes, I admit, I'm failed on broken before coming here today, freely and openly and after careful reflection, you have listed your failings as you recognize them.

You've listed them in this book.

This is your book of imperfections.

Would you now, before me, your partner and your guests read some of what you have stated in your own words?

I acknowledge that I'm not good at communicating my feelings.

Mature Lee.

I won't say what's bothering me, but instead sulk and expect you to read my mind.

I get furious at you and you can't.

I could be quite self involved.

I tend to assume that if you're upset, it's something about me.

I get jealous even over small incidents become petty and hateful.

Instead of showing that I'm afraid of losing you.

Both partners admit to their multiple faults.

Self righteousness is, after all, the great enemy of love.

Neither of us is fully saying or healthy.

We are committed to treating each other, has broken people with no miss kindness and imagination when making an object.

There is nothing odd about this couple.

Beyond the ordinary oddness, that is everyone's lot.

They've merely put into words the errors and failings of which were a ll continuously guilty, you know.

Okay, Next comes what we call the ritual of charity.

Charity is at the heart of love.

Charity means finding the least alarming, least panic view of why the other is acting as they are.

It sees the fear behind the aggression.

It sees the loneliness at the root of a sulk.

It recognizes how shame can make a person defiant on how a hidden worry can unleash excessive harshness.

Well, you now exchange the ritual gifts of charity.

The couple are exchanging photographs of one another from childhood.

We naturally act towards a child with a spirit of love.

We often find it hard to adopt towards adults.

This exchange of childhood images symbolizes a commitment to treat one another with the kindness.

One wouldn't hesitate to show a child, but so often refused grownups.

I will place this child version of you that was the center of my love.

I will try to see your faults as a consequence of troubles in your past.

I will look after the broken child within you.

Yeah, You sure?

Lastly comes the exchange of rings on a spousal vow.

Knowing all this fearing all this hoping all this with you in front of us all vowed to wed each other.

Will you agree to share your lives with all the restraint and sorrow that will be involved as well as the joy and the kindness on the friendship waited, I now declare you married.

Okay, No marriage is ever without serious challenges.

But starting a marriage with a wedding ceremony that's alive to these challenges and gives us some gentle guidance on how to avoid them helps us to get off right footing.

If you'd like to buy the book how to get married, which has our full marriage service in it, along with advice on preparing for and managing marriage, please click the link on screen.

Now on.

If you'd like her help in actually putting on your own marriage service, please contact us by the link in the description.