You know exactly who this is, Chris

Your mum?

Chris, you're the real monster

Good morning, everyone and welcome back to Journey Across Japan

We are currently in Kyoto Station in Kyoto City (京都市)

And today is my day off and for the next 3 days as we travel across Kansai region (関西地方)

Kyoto (京都市), Osaka (大阪市) and Kobe (神戸市) will just be relaxing and taking it easy

Joining me on this leg of the trip is our third guest, Mr. Pete Donaldson

P: Hello. C: Top London radio DJ, certified Japanophile and dare I say... Friend

Why you've got me up so early, Chris?

Because we're gonna have a great fun-filled day

Pete is currently on holiday so I thought I'd let him decide what we do today

Uhm, we've got loads of temples, we've got shrines, pagodas all sorts of things in Kyoto (京都市) obviously given that is an ancient capital

So with that in mind, Pete, what do you want to do? Where do you want to go?

I want to go to the (Iwatayama) Monkey Park

Pete, we're not going to a monkey park

Their bums is so pink, Chris

I love them so much, not just about the bums, I really like the monkeys as well

I like the bums and the monkeys, but maybe the monkeys

Look at them

They're so big and hunky, it sounds like I fancy monkeys, I don't fancy monkeys

Or maybe that one

This park was originally a university outpost, used to study monkeys about 60 years ago

And then things got a little bit out of control, the monkeys took over, the tourists turned up and now it's one of Kyoto's biggest tourist attractions

Accessible by a 25 minute hike up the mountains of Arashiyama (嵐山)

The Iwatayama Monkey Park is home to over 120 snow monkeys or Japanese macaques

a species native to Japan, who can be found freely roaming mountain ranges across the country

Perhaps most famously in Nagano (長野市), where you can watch on in envy, as the monkeys laze around in steaming hot springs

Thankfully the only cage at Iwatayama Monkey Park, is the one for humans, where you can stand inside whilst feeding the monkeys

Despite the many ominous signs on the climb up, warning you not to look into their eyes or crouched down beside them

The monkeys seem fairly undaunted by their human visitors

Scurrying in between the legs of tourists as they go about their day

In fact, the only time they seem to acknowledge your presence, is after purchasing some monkey snacks

in which case you'll quickly become the object of their affections

I've named all the monkeys, uhh, that one's Franklin

That one is Franklin

That is also Franklin

C: Why Franklin? P: 2 little baby Franklin's over there, and a third there Franklin

Uhh, they're all called Franklin, 'cause I have very little imagination

I love the name Franklin though, monkeys

I know what you're gonna name your firstborn son

Marmaduke

I thought the monkeys might be in cages or something, but they're actually just roaming free on the side the mountain

So not only do you have a beautiful view of Kyoto (京都市), when the best views you can have of the whole city

But you've got loads of monkeys around you as well, what more could you want?

Food, could have some food up here that make it better

I once had a banana stolen from me by a Japanese macaque, would you believe it? I had it in my back pocket

How was I to know that monkeys love bananas?

It's not like, it's not like we're ever told that, is it?

That's right

What I will say is, Pete used to work at monkey zoo

I do worked at a monkey zoo, we had the finest collection of primates in the whole of Europe

Particularly gibbons

Particularly gibbons, I mean, they're not monkeys

That could be the name of your Indy band, Particularly Gibbons

Pete's new 80s rock band

Reasons why I love gibbons more than monkeys, long arms, that's it

Monkeys need longer arms, let's stretch the monkeys, come on

What's the benefit of having a long arm?

to reach my bananas from my back pocket

See that, Chris? C: Yep. P: Maybe uhh, we're the real monkeys

We're a slave to the man, we're the real monkeys, in cages

Of our own creation, I beg your pardon

All right, Pete, we need to get the money shot of us sitting with loads of monkeys

What's the secret? as somebody who's worked with monkeys

What's the secret to like befriending them and getting them on your side?

Uhm, well first you have to appeal to their sense of, uhh

Fair play, so you must play them all at tennis

Rounders and also a game of snooker as well, before you, they trust you, so

We need to get them into a pool hall

That's the first thing

I thought about putting my GoPro on the ground again, like a Point of View shot

But then I suspect, the monkeys would just grab it and just take it and that'll be it

Just glue onto the monkey

Glue a GoPro to a monkey

It sounds worse when you say it like that

It just sounds worse in general

Get the glue

Well, Mr. Donaldson, we turned a dream into reality, we brought you to the (Iwatayama) Monkey Park

what do you wanna do now?

We've got lots of beautiful temples in this area. there's the rock garden

As well, If you want to check out the shrines, the Inari Torii gates

Yeah, or we could go to

Monster (Yokai) Street

Okay guys, so we're now on Yokai Street, quite literally, Monster Street

It's a fairly unremarkable looking road, until you get to the front of each shop, and you find

A disturbing little creature or monster

Some of them come from traditional Japanese folklore, others are just dreamt up by the somewhat disturbed shopkeepers, perhaps

Right, there's millions of these things down the street, this one is easily, the best one look at it, look at it

It's got eyebrows and a little baby, and the little baby's got the same eyebrows, so there's no doubt as to the father or mother

In Japanese folklore, Yokai, meaning ghosts or monsters

Are feared and revered often exploited and used to scare children into doing chores

Very clever if you ask me, legend has it that Yokai Street has its origins rooted in a Japanese ritual known as

Susuharai, an annual end-of-year housecleaning ceremony, where people clean out their homes and throw away old unused unwanted items

The story goes that over a thousand years ago, the unwanted and discarded household items

Displeased at being thrown out and left at the side of the road, decided to fight back

Coming to life as monsters and marching through the streets of Kyoto (京都市)

Terrorizing the locals

thankfully with the intervention of Buddhist priests, the yokai saw the error of their ways and stopped haunting the locals

And to celebrate the plight of unloved discarded items, the shopkeepers today remember them with their own creation

So the next time you throw out your unwanted, unloved broomstick, spare a thought for it

Otherwise, it might come to life and destroy you and all those you hold dear

We've come to Kyoto (京都市), this ancient beautiful city and you want to look at monkeys and monsters

You offered me shrines, you offered me temples

And I want monsters, I want monkeys, all the M's

What better way to discover all the monsters on the street and get to know Pete Donaldson, than by going up to each monster

Having Pete stare it the face and say the one word that springs to mind, the one thing that runs through his mind

Dad

Cat dad

Yeah, it's a guy I know called Stewart

Who's Stewart?

Dad

It's bread dad

You know exactly who this is, Chris your mum

Your mum?

It's dad again

Well, if Monster Street has taught me anything, it's that Pete Donaldson has some potential family issues

We're now going to go make our own designs though, guys

We go to Family Mart, buy some crap, stick it together and see who can make the best monster

And you're gonna vote and decide in the comment section, isn't that exciting Pete?

I'm gonna upset you with the things in my brain

What is going on?

Well guys, Pete and I bought a load of crap from Family Mart, spent the last 10-15 minutes putting it together and this is the result

That is genuinely terrifying, I've seen this idea in my nightmares

Is these your actual hands?

Yeah, I did notice that Family Mart had a photocopier

so I thought, I copied my own hands for a realistic skin effect, fish flakes for hair, genuinely stinky and some

Some cheese, some hammy sort of a cheese for the eyes only smoke - smoke - pow God

C: Smoke cheese. P: Smoke cheese, oh god

And some delicious meat for the mouth, for that meaty salty flavor, when your fancy little kiss

I've got bubble gum for a hat, Pocky chocolate biscuits for hair

And a bubble gum for a tongue and these fork, these forkes here mean that my creation, Mr. Chocolate Face, can actually stand up, look at that

Wow

That is pretty cool

Which one do you think is the best guys? I hope you have been to disturbed by our creations

Which one's best, Pete's?

Whatever that is or my nice chocolate biscuit bubblegum one, let us know in the comments, let us know who's the winner

Well guys, thanks for joining us in are disturbing trip to Kyoto (京都市), no matter where you might be out there in the big wide world

Be sure to tune in join us tomorrow, but for now, we'll see you next time, see you later

Bye

Chris you're the real monster

WHY?

WHY~~~?

Peter

To sort of say, yes, in my accent

Why aye, man

Why aye, man?

Why aye, man

They do move in herds

He's 37 years old, ladies and gentlemen