字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 It's easy to forget that while impeachment is going on, Donald Trump is still in office pushing his agenda forward. And you have to admit it's a kind of weird system. He's being investigated for high crimes against the country, but in the meantime, it's just like, yeah, just keep doing your thing, it's all good. Like, imagine if other jobs worked this way. Just like, "Bill, we're pretty sure that you've been drinking "and driving the school bus, but, uh, until we figure it out, "you just keep popping those wheelies, man. -(laughter) -We'll, uh, we'll let you know." So while the trial continues, Trump is still doing president stuff. And at the top of his to-do list lately is keeping people out of America-- starting with supersizing the travel ban. President Trump is planning to widen his controversial travel ban. The plan will prohibit nearly all people from seven countries. Now, the new restrictions are expected to be announced on Monday. Our country has to be saved. You see what's going on in the world. Our country has to be saved. So we have a very strong travel ban, and we'll be adding a few countries to it. Yes, Donald Trump is expanding his infamous travel ban. And it looks like it's gonna be six countries from Africa and Asia, and one from Europe, just to throw people off the scent. -(laughter) -You know? Yeah. Trump's travel bans are like a reverse Oscars-- a bunch of brown nominees and then one token white one -thrown in for diversity. -(laughter) It's, like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." Now, I know, I know Trump's State Department claims they're doing this to keep America safe. But it is starting to feel like Trump really just wants to ban the entire world, but he's doing it a few countries at a time, just so he doesn't look crazy. You know? It's almost the same way like how I treat the des... the dessert at a buffet, you know? Yeah, I'll just be like, "Yeah, I'll just have one of these. "Yeah, and maybe some of these. Yeah, yeah. "Oh, I didn't see there was cheesecake. There's cheesecake? "Do you want... I've got-got-got to have the cheesecake? Oh, I'll come back. I want... Rrr..." Either way, the travel ban is about to get even broader. While Trump is trying to stop people from moving here, he's also preventing them from being born in America in the first place. The Trump administration issued new rules today aimed at cracking down on so-called "birth tourism," when women travel here to give birth so their children will automatically become U.S. citizens. NEWSWOMAN: And it comes after President Trump has railed against birthright citizenship. ...you're a dictator who we hate and who's against us, and that dictator has... his wife... have a baby... on American soil. Congratulations, your son or daughter is now an American citizen. Does anybody think this makes sense? Okay... (laughter) Why would a dictator want their child... -(laughter) -to be born as an American? What's the game plan? What, just have the kid born here, become a U.S. citizen, and then when the kid returns home, be like, "I have an American hostage, and I have some demands!" Like, "Dad, what are you doing?" "Shut up, infidel!" -(laughter) -Now, now, even though Trump's example is crazy, he's not wrong about people abusing birthright citizenship. Every year, thousands of rich foreign women fly to America just to give birth so the baby can be a U.S. citizen, and then they fly home. And if you ask me, it's a good example of the Constitution being behind the times, all right? 'Cause back then, when they came up with birthright citizenship no one was just flying in for the weekend. Yeah. Back then, you were considered an explorer if you went more than three towns over. -(laughter) -Yeah, people in New York were like, "Did you hear? James went to New Jersey, -and he survived!" -(laughter) So I get... I get wanting to limit birth tourism, but the question is, how is Homeland Security gonna determine who's coming in just to give birth? 'Cause that could get pretty awkward at the airport. The border agent is just gonna be like, "Hey! "No pregnant women allowed. "Oh, you're not pregnant? Okay, fine, you can come in, but... take a spin class or something. Come on." (laughter) So maybe curbing birth tourism isn't the craziest idea. But... Trump isn't just going after rich families. No, he's also targeting the tired, huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The Trump administration has scored a victory in its effort to place new restrictions on legal immigration. The Supreme Court has cleared the way for the government to deny green cards to immigrants if they sign up for public assistance, like food stamps or Medicaid, or if they're considered likely to apply for such assistance in the future. Yeah. In other words, Trump wants to block poor people from staying in America. Which explains the updated inscription on the Statue of Liberty: "Bitch, better have my money." -(laughter) -And honestly, this is... it is kind of depressing. Because coming from nothing and building a life for yourself is literally the American dream. It's basically what the country was founded on. Well, that and the freedom to get weird-ass haircuts. But that mostly. And the irony of this law is that Trump's own mother arrived in America as a poor immigrant with barely any money to her name. So if these rules were in place when she came over, she probably wouldn't... have been allowed to stay. She would have been denied a visa and sent packing. And then there would be no President Trump. So I'm not saying the law is terrible. -(laughter) -I'm just saying... it's about a hundred years too late.